I Don't Want Her, I Want You
by The Queen of Double Standards
Summary: It was a moment of pure happiness, and it ended too quick. Only hours after Rin and Len got engaged, Len was killed. But he left something behind: Rin's new adoptive daughter, Yuki. But Rin wants nothing to with Yuki, no matter how much Yuki needs her.
1. First Comes Love, then Comes Marriage

Chapter One

First Comes Love, then Comes Marriage, then Comes . . .

It was a moment of happiness, the purest happiness one could ever feel. It was the happiness of knowing that you and your beloved would be joined forever, and that the one you held most dear wanted nothing more than to be with you. It was a moment so pure that nothing could tarnish it, ever. It was a moment that should have lasted forever.

If only it had lasted a fraction of that time.

Rin and Len walked hand in hand through a park in their city. Len's hand was clammy, so Rin knew he was nervous about something. She figured it was just work, or maybe his mother was planning a visit. So she squeezed his hand and smiled reassuringly at him. Her smile seemed to give him the confidence he needed, because he led her to a bench and sat with her. Then, he stared at her. She returned the gaze with curiosity in her eyes. He fumbled with his pockets before taking out a tiny black box. Rin's heart thundered. Was this what she thought it was? She stared at Len, trying to get an answer out of him. And he gave it. It was just five little words.

"Will you marry me, Rin?"

Rin stared at him, trying to convince herself that this wasn't a joke, that he really meant it. Then, with tears in her eyes, she nodded vigorously, barely able to force out a, "Yes, yes, of course!"

When the two kissed, all was perfect in the world. All was good, all was right. They were young and in love, barely out of college, and still had no concept of the terrible things life could do to them. But they'd be forced to learn soon enough, because no one could stay so happy for long. For all good, there is an equal amount of bad. In the same manner, for all joy, there is an equal amount of grief.

The two continued their walk in the park, and Rin couldn't help but notice something that was missing, and, drunk with happiness, she let herself be greedy, though she already had more happiness than many had ever had in their lives.

"I want one of those," Rin told him, nodding her head toward the children playing in the park.

Len looked to where she'd gestured and nudged her with his shoulder. Smiling cheekily, he wondered, "Which one? I'll get it when no one's looking."

"Not one of those," Rin laughed. "One of our own."

"I can already see it," Len replied, pretending to look into their future and nodding sagely. "It will have blonde hair and blue eyes."

"That's sort of a given, Len," Rin responded with an eye roll as she smiled at the boy. "Besides, don't call our baby an it."

"Then what should I call it?" Len asked. "Did you have a particular gender planned out for the baby?"

"Of course. It will be a girl," Rin informed him.

"You've decided, have you?"

"I have."

"And what if you we have a boy? Will you convince him to get a sex change?"

"Of course not. Besides, it _will_ be a girl," Rin told him with absolute certainty.

"How do you know?" he asked her.

"Because we'll adopt," Rin said. "That way, we can give a child a loving home, I don't have to go through that painful process, and we'll be sure to have a girl."

"You're really that set on adopting?" Len asked, sounding a little disappointed.

Rin watched him carefully, wondering if she'd been too blunt about it, but she had to be honest. "I'm sorry, Len, but I always planned on adopting, ever since I was in middle school."

Len kissed her on the forehead and smiled at her. "Of course, Rin. It's totally your decision. I wouldn't want you to have to go through so much pain if you didn't want to."

"I love you," Rin murmured, looking up at him with a delicate smile.

He smiled down gently on her. "I love you, too."

They stood there for a moment, their hearts captivated by one another, before a wail from a baby caught their attention and they both turned to it instinctively. For a moment, they watched a mother try to quiet the unrelenting child, to no avail. Then, they continued walking.

"Well, another good thing about adopting is we'll never have to deal with that stage," Rin told him, her nose crinkling up in distaste.

"Why?" Len wondered.

"I want a child of at least seven," Rin replied. "They're just too much of a hassle when they're younger than that." She looked away, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I'm very demanding. I shouldn't be so selfish."

"Not at all," replied Len with a laugh. "Anyway, I know all this already."

Rin blinked up at him, a little startled. "How?"

"You mentioned something about it at that New Year's party we went to the year before last," Len replied. "So I asked your friends about it."

Rin sighed. "I talk too much when I'm drunk."

"No, you don't, Rin," replied Len. Then, he glanced at his watch and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Anyway, I have something I have to do, so can you go home without me?"

"Len," Rin whined, a little pouty. They'd just gotten engaged, after all. Was he really planning on making her go home alone?

"I'm sorry," Len told her, smiling apologetically. "But I really have to go do this."

Rin sighed and looked away. "Fine," she muttered begrudgingly. Then, she turned back to him. "So what do you have to do?"

Len put a finger to his lips. "It's a secret."

Rin rolled her eyes and laughed. "You're so weird," she told him.

"I am, but you love me," Len told her, beginning to go back from where they'd come.

Rin smiled at him. "Yes, I do." She held up her hand to show the ring that sparkled on her ring finger. "This much."

He smiled tenderly. "That much," he agreed before turning and leaving at a run. Rin smiled as she watched him go and shook her head. He was such a silly boy. But he was her silly boy, and she loved him.

. . .

The plate she'd been cleaning fell from Rin's hand, falling to the ground and shattering into many tiny fragments. She held a phone against her ear, no longer truly hearing what was being told to her on the other line. She simply let the words wash over her, knowing they were terrible but unable to listen to them.

"Len . . . ," the other side of the line drifted into her ear. "Alleyway . . . . Shot . . . . Registered as emergency call . . . ."

Rin murmured something so quiet that she didn't even hear it herself.

"What?" the other side of the line questioned.

"Is he alive?" Rin whispered, only able to raise he voice so high, as if saying the words any louder would force them to give her an unwanted answer.

"No, ma'am."

The other side of the line kept talking, but Rin didn't hear a single word. She didn't want to hear a word. Len. Len. Len. Len, her fiancé. Len, the boy she loved more than anyone. Len, the boy who had proposed to her merely hours ago.

Len. Alleyway. Shot. Dead.

_Plip. Plip. Plip._

Tears fell to the ground one by one, silent tears, as the other side of the line wondered if she was still there.

Len. Alleyway. Shot. Dead.

Len. Alleyway. Shot. Dead.

Len. Alleyway. Shot. Dead.

_Plip. Plip. Plip._

Again, Rin murmured something inaudible. On request, she repeated it, loudly and violently.

"You're a liar!" she shouted at the phone. "Len's alive! I saw him just a few hours ago! He'll be home any minute now, I swear it, and then you'll regret lying to me!"

"Ms. Kagamine, please calm down," came a request.

"No!" she shouted, squeezing her eyes shut. "I'm not Ms. Kagamine! I'm Mrs. Hiyama! Len and I, we're getting married, and I'm gonna be . . . I'm gonna be . . . ."

But Rin couldn't lie to herself. She collapsed into a fit of sobs and threw the phone against the wall. Whether it was still on or not, she didn't know, but she didn't care.

Len. Alleyway. Shot. Dead.

It was a moment of pure happiness, and it lasted only a heartbeat.

. . .

"Rin, you have to eat something," Iroha insisted.

Iroha was the only one of Rin's friends who was still brave enough to face her, and she'd taken it upon herself to come feed Rin each and every night, and each and every morning, whether Rin wanted her to or not. Rin had threatened to call the landlord to get the girl taken away, but she couldn't find herself bothered enough to do that.

"I don't want it," was all Rin would mumble as she covered her head with a sofa pillow as she splayed across the couch.

"Well you'll eat it," Iroha commanded. Then, abruptly, Rin felt the cold bottle she'd held in her hand vanish.

"Hey!" Rin shouted, glaring up at Iroha, who scowled down on her.

"No more for you, Rin," retorted the girl. "You're not a fun drunk anymore, and your eyes are crazy bloodshot."

"I hate you," Rin spat.

"Love you, too, Rin," Iroha replied cutely, earning herself a vicious glare. "Come on, Rin, you have work in the morning."

"Go away," Rin grumbled, hiding back under her pillow.

"Not until you eat," the other girl said sternly.

"Freeze the saké and I'll eat that."

"Nice try. Now hurry up." At that moment, the doorbell rang. When Rin made no move to get it, Iroha scowled and sighed. "You better be eating when I get back."

"Saké doesn't freeze that fast," was all Rin would say in response.

Iroha ignored her and left the room. Rin came out from under the pillow and flipped off the direction her friend had gone. She gazed around, but, as she'd guessed, the saké wasn't there. Stupid Iroha. Why didn't she just _leave_?

"Um, Rin, I need you," Iroha called from the doorway.

"I'm not coming," Rin called back bitterly, scowling in the girl's general direction.

"Rin, just get over here, please."

"I want my saké back," Rin grumbled to herself to convince herself to drag herself off the couch and into the apartment's entrance.

There, at the door, stood a woman with teal pigtails and, with her, a young girl with shoulder-length black hair tied into two pigtails.

"Rin Kagamine, hi!" said the teal-haired girl cheerily, offering out a hand to Rin. Rin gazed at it suspiciously until Iroha kicked her ankle to tell her to shake hands. Rin did, with a small glare at the girl, and tried to keep up with the older woman's overactive chitter. "I'm Miku Hatsune, Yuki's social worker. We're happy to say that all the paperwork has gone through and, after your long wait, you and Len Hiyama are now Yuki's legal guardians."

"Snowing?" Rin mumbled confusedly, her mind too hazy from the alcohol to keep up with Miku's speech. "But it's summer."

"She said Yuki," Iroha informed Rin, embarrassed as she caught Miku's confused expression. "It's the girl's name."

Rin looked down at the young girl and wondered, "Why should I care?"

Miku looked completely taken aback. "Why? You're her legal guardian, Rin!"

Rin simply shook her head. "No I'm not. I've never even seen her before."

"But Len—"

Rin glared at the girl, cutting her off abruptly. Then, her words sharp as knives, she hissed, "Len is dead, okay? Never mention him again."

"Len is . . . dead?" Miku gasped.

Rin felt anger surface, too vivid to control, and she was about to smack the girl when Iroha stood in her way.

"Rin, why don't you go back to the couch?" Iroha suggested. "I'll deal with this."

Rin glared at the girl, but she didn't want to be here, so she took her up on that offer and returned to her couch and buried herself under the pillow.

Iroha didn't come back for at least half an hour, but she'd taken Rin's saké with her, so Rin wasn't even happy to have the time alone. Worse, when Iroha came back, she had the little girl with her.

"Rin," Iroha said delicately. "This is Yuki."

"Unless she brought my saké back, I don't care," Rin mumbled into the sofa cushion.

"Well, you're going to have to, Rin," Iroha said sharply, losing her patience, "because Yuki is your daughter now. Len was working on adopting her for over a year before you two got engaged, and now she's yours."

"That doesn't even make sense," Rin muttered. "I'm not his wife or anything."

"Well, I don't know, Rin!" Iroha told her angrily. "What do you expect me to do?"

Rin didn't say anything. She simply hid under her pillow. She heard Iroha sigh and say to the young girl, "Okay, honey, let's go unpack, alright? I know which room will be yours."

Rin didn't care to listen to the girl's response. She didn't want this girl here, just as much as she didn't want Iroha here. Even if the little girl was Len's plan for her, she'd have nothing to do with it. That girl would be gone as soon as she could get her out.

**Author's Note: Len's last name is Hiyama because they needed different last names, but he's still the regular Len, not an OC. I wanted to write a story about Yuki, but I could never think of one. Then, I had the idea of Rin and Len getting engaged and then Len dying, and it melded into this. Anyway, hope you liked it, please review! Oh, and, any comments of "Len always dies!" will be met with a scathing reply as, overall, Rin dies way more than Len. (People are gonna start thinking I hate Len between this and my last story . . . . Sorry, Len.)**


	2. Dear Diary, My New Mother Is

Chapter Two

Dear Diary, My New Mother Is . . .

"Big breath, Yuki," Miku told the little girl as they stood outside the apartment door. Yuki wasn't very worried, but Miku looked at her so brightly and expectantly that she found herself taking in a deep breath. Miku rewarded her with a smile, and Yuki gave one in return. "Good girl. Are you ready?"

Yuki nodded, though she didn't understand why Miku was so concerned. Yuki had already met Len. She knew Len would be a great dad, and a great dad had to have a great mom as a wife, right? Yuki already knew her new mother would be spectacular.

"Okay, let's meet her, then," Miku said, drawing herself up to ring the doorbell. After a moment, a girl with a long, pale pink ponytail answered the door. "Hi, I'm Miku Hatsune, Yuki's social worker. Are you Rin Kagamine?"

"No, I'm her friend, Iroha Nekomura," the long-haired girl replied. Yuki was a little disappointed. She would have liked to have such a pretty woman as her mom. "Rin's kind of . . . sick right now."

"Oh," said Miku, a little thrown off for a second. Then, she perked up again. "Well then, is Len here? I'm sure he'd be able to get her to come to the door."

Iroha shifted uncomfortably. Yuki watched her curiously. She could tell something was wrong. It was obvious that Iroha was keeping something from the social worker, but, when Yuki looked up at the teal-haired girl, there was no sign that Miku had noticed anything off.

"No, Len isn't here," replied Iroha. "I can get Rin for you, though."

"Please, if you wouldn't mind," said Miku, bowing her head politely.

Iroha took a few steps away from the entryway and called into the apartment, "Um, Rin, I need you."

"I'm not coming," a voice called back hoarsely. Yuki frowned. The woman's voice was so hoarse. She must have been very sick. Yuki could help her feel better, though. Yuki was a great cook. She could make some yummy warm soup to soothe her new mom's throat.

"I'm sorry," Iroha mumbled embarrassedly to Miku and Yuki. Yuki followed Miku's lead and smiled reassuringly at Iroha before the pink-haired girl called in the room, "Rin, just get over her, please."

It was quiet for moment, then the sound of Rin dragging her feet across the floor was heard. Yuki trembled, both nervous and excited. She wondered what her new mother would be like. She was sure she'd be just as pretty as Iroha. Yuki stared at Iroha, who smiled uncertainly at her as she watched the room where Rin would be entering from anxiously.

When Rin entered, Yuki could do nothing but stare. Rin was just as beautiful as she had imagined. Sure, she had red imprints on her face and the bottoms of her arms—from where, Yuki couldn't be sure—and her short blonde hair stuck out at odd angels, and her eyes were very bloodshot, and there were dark bags under those blue eyes, and her clothes were crinkled and sloppy, and her hair was darkened from grease, showing that she probably hadn't had a bath in a few days, but, to Yuki, she was still absolutely beautiful. Yuki understood immediately why Len loved her so much.

Yuki shifted nervously when Rin's gaze fell on her for a moment. She wondered what Rin thought of her. Miku had helped her choose a cute outfit, a light blue shirt with a big flower and a flowing white skirt, along with hair ties that each had a pretty blue flower to tie her hair into pigtails, so that Rin and Len would be happy to see how cute their new daughter was, but she was suddenly wondering if it didn't look as cute as she thought it had when she'd seen herself in the mirror earlier, because Rin didn't look impressed.

Rin's eyes fell to Miku after what couldn't have been more than a second, but Yuki's cheeks and ears had bloomed bright red as she'd tried to analyse Rin's reaction, or lack thereof, when she saw Yuki.

"Rin Kagamine, hi!" Miku chittered excitedly, offering her hand to Rin. Rin gazed at it suspiciously. Yuki watched Rin, confused. Why wasn't Rin shaking her hand? The blonde woman did, after a moment, but not until Iroha prodded her with a kick to the ankle. Yuki suppressed a giggle when she saw Rin glare at Iroha. They must have been good friends. Yuki hoped she would have a good friend like that one day. "I'm Miku Hatsune, Yuki's social worker. We're happy to say that all the paperwork has gone through and, after your long wait, you and Len Koyama are now Yuki's legal guardians."

Yuki watched her foster mother eagerly, waiting for Rin's reaction. But Rin just stared at Miku like this was a complicated math problem. "Snowing?" Rin wondered. "But it's summer."

Yuki giggled, though no one noticed. The adults were too concentrated on Rin to notice her. Rin was funny. "Yuki" meant snow, so she'd made a silly joke, maybe to try to make Yuki feel more comfortable. Iroha and Miku didn't get it, though.

"She said Yuki," Iroha told Rin. "It means snow."

Rin's gaze fell on Yuki. Yuki offered a smile, but it faltered when Rin spoke again. "Why should I care?"

Yuki froze, a partial smile still on her face. Why should she care? But Rin was going to be her new mother, right? Was she making another joke?

Yuki turned her head to Miku as her social worker spoke. "Why? You're her legal guardian, Rin!"

Then, she whipped around to look back at Rin as Rin shook her head. "No I'm not. I've never even seen her before."

Yuki turned back to Miku. "But Len—"

Then to Rin. "Len is dead, okay? Never mention him again."

This time, Yuki didn't turn back to Miku when the woman spoke. She stared at Rin as Miku gasped, "Len is . . . dead?"

Len was dead? Len, her new father, the man who had come to visit her so many times in her life, the only consistent face she knew, the only face that wasn't gone after a month or two? The man who'd promised to get her out of foster care? The man who had been the first person to say that he loved her and wanted to keep her forever? The man who'd promised her happiness with him and his fiancée?

Len was dead?

After Iroha sent Rin away, Yuki didn't hear most of what happened. Miku and Iroha were deep in a serious conversation, but Yuki's mind was stuck on Len. She wanted to cry, but she wouldn't. After all, Rin had to be in more pain. Yuki glanced over to where Rin had left. Maybe she could help Rin. That's what Len would want her to do, right? He loved Rin with all his heart, so he'd want her to be happy. Yuki waved goodbye to Miku when she and Iroha seemed to come to an agreement and let Iroha guide her into the apartment.

Rin had dug herself into the couch. That must've been where all those red imprints had come from. Rin and Iroha argued for a moment, but Yuki's mind was still elsewhere. She was too busy wondering what she could do to make things better for Rin. She wanted to do all she could to make Rin happy, and that was all she thought about until Iroha caught her attention.

"Okay, honey, let's go unpack, alright? I know which room will be yours."

Yuki smiled up at Iroha, who smiled brightly at her in return. Then, the woman, who had been stooping down to the girl's level, straightened herself up and offered a hand to Yuki. Yuki took it and let Iroha walk her over to one of two rooms and bring her inside. Yuki was a little thrown off by the Western style of the room.

"Rin's half French," Iroha explained to her. "And Len's half German. They decided to make their house more Western style to honour that since pretty much everything else they do in Japanese."

"Oh," Yuki murmured. She looked up at Iroha and wondered quietly, "What about you? Why is your hair pink?"

Iroha blinked at her, then she smiled. "Your voice is adorable, Yuki-chan. Maybe if Rin hears that voice of yours, she'll fall in love with you and your adorableness."

Yuki looked at her curiously. "Is my voice really that cute?"

"Of course it is!" Iroha informed her. "Anyway, to answer your question, my hair has always been pink, but I'm still a full-fledged Japanese. Who knows why my hair's so odd? Now, why don't we unpack your stuff, and I have some cute Hello Kitty stuff you can borrow, too, okay?"

"Okay," Yuki replied.

"I'm here most of the time, too, to take care of Rin, so you'll be seeing a lot of me, okay?"

"Okay."

"Do you know where your school is?"

"Yes."

"That's good. Well, I'll be home by the time you get back. I work from home in the afternoon."

"Okay."

"Rin works later than that, though, so she won't be home till later. But she works at home most days so you don't have to worry about that."

"Okay."

Iroha smiled at the girl, who was a little flustered from all of her attention. Iroha stretched and, with a huge yawn, said, "Well, I'm going to go reheat dinner, then we'll all eat, okay?"

"Okay."

Iroha rolled her eyes and tapped the girl lightly on the head. "If you don't learn more words, I'm gonna be mad, goof." She giggled at Yuki's confused expression and said, "Unpack your bag for now, okay? You can just throw my stuff into the hallway and I'll deal with it later."

Yuki watched her go and then gazed around the room. She looked at her tiny suitcase. This room seemed too big. She'd never have enough stuff to fill it. Did normal girls have enough stuff to fill a room like this?

. . .

"Good morning, Yuki-chan!" Iroha called as she entered the kitchen the next morning.

Yuki jumped, and the octopus sausage she'd been making nearly fell to the ground. She smiled at Iroha and stuttered, "G-good morning."

"What are you doing up so early?" Iroha questioned. "It's still dark out."

"Bentos," was all Yuki mumbled in response before turning back to her cooking.

"Bentos?" Iroha questioned, coming to watch over Yuki's shoulder. Yuki resisted the urge to giggle. Standing on a stool, Yuki was only a few inches shorter than Iroha. "Wow, those look good! You woke up to make your own bento? I would have made one for you, honey."

"I made one for you and Rin, too," Yuki mumbled embarrassedly. "Len liked it when I made bentos."

Yuki squeaked in shock as Iroha's arms wrapped around her. "Yuki-chan, you're adorable! You're such a sweet little girl! I want you to be my daughter instead!"

"Shut up, Iroha!" snapped Rin as she stormed into the room, still wearing her clothes from yesterday. "I have a headache!"

"That's your own fault for substituting the yummy dinner I made for frozen saké!" Iroha retorted, pouting at her. "Now I'm going to sing a beautiful song to make you suffer!"

"I. Hate. You," Rin hissed, turned around and leaving the room.

"Boo, Rin," Iroha called after her.

Rin shouted something that Yuki didn't hear because Iroha swiftly covered her ears. Yuki was a little disappointed that Rin hadn't noticed the bentos, but she returned to the cooking all the same, and Iroha helped her. Yuki was grateful. She'd never quite been able to make nice rice balls, and Iroha's were perfect, even though they turned out as Hello Kitty's head each time. When they finished, Iroha kissed Yuki on the forehead and thanked her. She then rushed off, apologizing as she informed the girl that she'd be late for work if she didn't run.

Yuki watched Iroha go, frozen, and looked at the clock. Her own school started in about half an hour, but there was a problem. Sure, she knew where it was, but she had no idea how to get there.

"You."

Yuki jumped, startled by Rin's harsh voice. She tried to smile for her guardian, but that only seemed to annoy Rin more, so she let it fall and stared at the woman.

"Don't you have school?" Rin wondered.

"Y-yes," stammered Yuki. "But I—"

"Speak up," Rin commanded, glaring at the girl. "I can't hear you over this stupid ringing."

Yuki didn't hear any ringing, but she forced her voice louder, anyway. "I don't know how to get there. Could you . . . could you take me?"

"No," was all Rin replied, turning away. "Figure it out yourself."

Yuki opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. She'd get lost if she went looking for it, she knew that. Maybe she'd better just stay home today. She could have Iroha walk her to school tomorrow, right?

A part of her wanted Rin to walk her, though.

"I'm going to be working, so don't bother me," Rin told her, beginning to leave.

"W-wait!" Yuki shouted.

Rin cringed and covered her ears, shooting Yuki a deadly glare. Yuki bowed her head and murmured an apology. Then, she said, "I-I made you a bento, for when you get hungry."

Rin stared at her for a moment. Then, she walked away without a word of response. Yuki watched her go. Unsure what else to do with herself, she started cleaning up the mess she'd made while cooking. She glanced up at the clock a few times as she worked until, finally, it warned her that she should have been at school by this time. She sighed and returned to her chores, wondering what else there was she could do that might make Rin happy.

**Author's Note: Mm, not much to say about this chapter. Well, if you didn't catch on, Iroha actually kind of lives at Rin's apartment (she has her own home, too, she just doesn't go there very often). And the room she gave Iroha was her own room. Okay, that's all. Hope you liked it! Please review!**


	3. Don't Worry, the Most Important Person

Chapter Three

Don't Worry, the Most Important Person to Me Is . . .

The phone was ringing loudly, the trilling notes like drills to Rin's already-pounding head. She groaned and covered her head with a pillow, stuffing her face into the couch and doing her best to cover her ears. She let out a sigh of relief when it stopped, but she could feel someone's presence beside her a moment later.

"Go away," Rin grumbled to Yuki.

"Phone," Yuki replied.

"Hang up."

"But it's Iroha."

"Hang up."

Yuki murmured in her annoyingly soft voice. Rin didn't know if she was talking to her or to Iroha, but she ignored her either way. After another moment, Rin could still feel her standing there. She could tell the girl was too stupid to leave and would wait until Rin took the phone. Rin tossed her pillow aside and gazed sourly at the girl, who stared back at her with an expression Rin couldn't decipher. Rin snatched the phone. She'd planned on hanging up as soon as Yuki left, but the girl didn't seem to have any plans on moving, so she sighed resignedly and spoke into the phone.

"What?" she snapped.

"Why is Yuki at home? She should be at school!" shouted Iroha.

"She didn't know how to get there," Rin mumbled, cringing at Iroha's squealing.

"Then you should have taken her there, Rin! You're her mother now!"

"No, I'm not," Rin growled. "I'm responsible for no one but myself."

"Stop being a sourpuss! Len wanted Yuki to be your daughter! You should honour that and take care of her like she really is your daughter!"

Rin grew tense. Like Iroha understood. The woman had no reason to judge her. Rin hated her so much. She didn't want her in her life. She didn't want anyone in her life. Iroha had never lost anyone before. She had no idea how much it was to lose. Letting someone close was just waiting for disappointment. She could never be that close to anyone again. It was too much to lose.

She gazed at Yuki. Besides, she'd never let anyone replace Len. Accepting Yuki was accepting that Len was gone. She'd never let the girl in, no matter what Len's plans for them had been. Besides, it had been plans for them, Rin and Len, not for her, just Rin.

"Leave me alone, Iroha. I hate you," Rin mumbled into the phone.

"That's starting to lose it's meaning, Rin," Iroha replied sourly, though it was obvious that the words had hurt her. Rin smiled. Good. Let it hurt her. Maybe then she'd grow tired of Rin like everyone else and finally leave her alone. "Walk Yuki to school. Now. And apologize for her being late."

"No. Do it yourself," Rin retorted.

"I _can't_ miss work today, Rin! You know that!"

"If she's so important, you should be willing to skip work to walk her to school." Rin stared right at Yuki as she said the words, hoping to make the girl realize that even Iroha didn't truly want her. Surely Yuki could convince Miku to take her away once she realized this was an unsuitable home.

"Rin, I _can't_!"

Rin pulled the phone away from her ear and told Yuki, "You're such a burden, even to Iroha. Can't you just leave? Get to school by yourself."

Yuki flinched, and Iroha shouted into the phone, "What the hell, Rin? What's wrong with you? Yuki, don't listen to her! She's just grumpy! I'll be home in half an hour to walk you to school, okay?"

Yuki tentatively held out her hand, asking for the phone. Rin rolled her eyes and handed the phone to Yuki. The little girl held it to her ear and murmured, irritatingly quiet, "That's okay, Iroha. I can get there myself. You don't have to worry."

"But I thought you didn't know how," Iroha voice came, muffled and quiet, to Rin's ears. Rin rolled her eyes. Stupid Iroha. Let the kid figure it out for herself. Why was she so worried about a child she wasn't even responsible for?

"Are you sure, honey?" Iroha asked worriedly.

"Uh huh. I just forgot how to before. I know how now. I'll be okay." Rin rolled her eyes and mouth to Yuki, "Liar." Yuki stared back guiltily.

"Okay, if you're sure . . . ." Iroha said hesitantly.

Yuki nodded. "Mm hm."

"Could you put Rin back on?"

"Okay."

Yuki held out the phone. Rin considered knocking it out of Yuki's hand, but, for fear of being charged with child abuse, she accepted it. Yuki stared at her feet now instead of at Rin, but she still didn't seem to plan on moving.

"What do you want?" Rin questioned.

"Make sure she gets to school, alright? Please?"

"No."

"Rin, come on. Have a heart."

"I had one. But I gave it to Len. And now he's gone."

"Rin, quit it. You can't play the victim forever."

Rin's eyes flashed angrily. "I'm not playing the victim, Iroha. I _am_ the victim. Or are you saying it's my fault Len's dead?"

"No, I'm not saying that, but Rin—"

"I hate you. Goodbye."

Rin hung up the phone and tossed it aside. Yuki scurried to pick it up and placed it back on its holder as Rin swung her feet over the edge of the couch and pulled herself up to her feet. Yuki watched her curiously.

"Are we going to school?" she wondered.

"You can do whatever the hell you want," Rin replied, doing her best to sound disinterested despite her curiosity as to whether Yuki would sit around all day and wait to get Iroha's help tomorrow or decide not to be a burden and to find her own way. "I have other things to do with my free time, so I'm leaving now."

She left Yuki without a glance back, feeling the girl's eyes on her as she walked away.

. . .

"I won't accept her. I don't care if you wanted her to be our daughter. I'm not going to pretend nothing ever happened and let it go. I loved you, and you were taken away from me. Accepting her is like saying I'll let her take over the part of my heart that belonged to you, but I won't. I won't ever accept her, as my daughter or otherwise. It's not fair what happened. Gad can't repent for it, no matter how He tries. Miku can take Yuki away for all I care. The one I love is you. It's always been you, and it always will be you. I'll never let anyone into my heart. If I do, I might forget about you. I won't let Iroha come any closer to me. I won't let Yuki be my daughter. I went let your memory die. So, please, stay with me a little longer."

On her knees at Len's grave, Rin spoke to his name carved in stone, hoping that he could hear her. She still came to his grave every day to assure him that she'd still be by his side, no matter what. It offered her some comfort in this cruel life, the comfort of knowing he was still with her, somehow, and that he still loved her, just as she still loved him. She ran the tips of her fingers across his carved name, closing her eyes and imagining that she was touching the real Len, the one she loved.

Then, she pulled herself up and dragged herself away from him. Life refused to let her stay with him. It pushed her forward, leaving him behind, no matter how hard she tried to stay near him. She looked back at his grave longingly but forced herself away, feeling the wheels of time pushing on her back, urging her forward, back home, where no one waited for her.

She checked each room in the house, but Yuki was nowhere to be found. She must have decided to try her luck in finding her way to school. The route wasn't very complicated. Anyway, even if it was, that wasn't Rin's problem.

Rin fell onto her couch with the bottle of saké she'd picked up on the way home. At least she could enjoy it in peace now.

. . .

Rin stared at the clock, startled to see how late it had gotten. She must have dozed off. Sure enough, when she looked outside, the sun was setting. Iroha was late tonight. Rin pulled herself up from the couch, cursing as she spilled the contents of the bottle still gripped in her hand onto her arm. She lifted the bottle upright and set it down on the coffee table. Then, she walked through the house, searching for a sign of Iroha, or even Yuki, but it seemed that no one was home. She scowled. She wasn't drunk yet, and, as such, was hungry for once. The alcohol didn't seem to affect her much anymore, which sucked since she couldn't afford any more. She'd just have to allow Iroha to feed her.

Rin frowned. But if Iroha got home, and Yuki wasn't here, she'd get mad at Rin and probably wouldn't allow her to eat until Yuki was found. Rin sighed. Finding Yuki was the only option.

So, Rin went outside and searched the streets, calling out for the kid. She turned down every alleyway and asked a few people if they'd seen her, but no one had. She started losing patience as it grew dark. Stupid kid. She was wasting her time looking for her. She'd told her that she was a burden, but Yuki had still decided to be an annoyance. Now, Rin had to waste time that could have been spent doing . . . something more important than this, searching for the girl.

Then, Rin caught sight of the pigtails tied in red elastics, sitting on a bench, teary-eyed and terrified. Rin froze. Yuki looked so weak, so defenceless. Rin felt the overwhelming urge to come to the girl's rescue, to comfort her and tell her that everything would be alright.

Yuki looked up and caught sight of Rin. The joy in her eyes as she bounded off the bench and ran straight to Rin, wrapping her arms around the girl's stomach, was enough to put tears in Rin's eyes. But Rin pushed them back as Yuki sobbed into her shirt. Sharply, she put her hands on Yuki's shoulders and pushed her roughly away. Yuki stared up at her, lost and confused. Rin stared back at her coldly.

"No," Rin told her. "I don't care how scared you were, Yuki. Stop being such a burden." Rin looked away from her. "You can never replace Len, you got that? I don't want you in my life. But, until I can convince Miku and Iroha otherwise, I have no choice but to take care of you, so hurry up and follow me home."

Yuki said nothing. She simply stared at the pavement at her feet the entire time she walked home.

**Author's Note: Phew, my room is a mess of papers and I have the majority of this story written out in a booklet but I couldn't find it in the mess. Then I found it, so now I'm happy again. Feel free to let me know if there's any characters you'd like to see in this fic. Anyway, um, yeah. Not much to say. Review?**


	4. If I Ask for Your Help, then

Chapter Four

If I Ask for Your Help, then . . .

Rin didn't say a single word to Yuki on the way back, and Yuki didn't dare say anything to her, either, partially because she didn't want to bother Rin and partially because she knew that, if she did that, she'd start crying. She could already feel the slight pounding in her temple that always came when she was about to cry.

When they reached the apartment, neither of them said anything, once again. After kicking off her shoes, Rin dashed inside, and Yuki heard a door slam shut, informing her that Rin had locked herself in her bedroom. Yuki resisted the urge to cry and tidily put away both hers and Rin's shoes. After that, she hesitantly walked into the apartment, looking around to see if Rin hadn't actually gone to hide in her room, but her suspicions had proved true, which saddened her.

She was so stupid. She'd made Rin waste her time running around looking for her, just because she'd _had_ to get lost on the way to school. Poor Rin had enough to do already without dealing with a lost child. Yuki felt terrible. Rin had probably been working or something important like that. She tried to think of how she could make it up to her.

She glanced at the kitchen. Well, for a start, she could cook something yummy for dinner. Iroha seemed very worried about what Rin was eating, so maybe Rin had some kind of allergies or something. Either that or she was a very picky eater. Either way, Yuki was sure something in the cookbooks she'd found on the top of the fridge would be good.

Yuki grabbed a chair from the kitchen table and carried it over to the fridge, being sure not to let the legs drag against the ground and squeal loudly. She set it down and clambered up top. She reached up and just barely touched the books with her finger tips. After working at it for a minute, she realized that it wasn't going to work and climbed off. She started up at the books in consideration. After a moment, she went over to the living room and grabbed a pillow off the couch. Carrying back to the kitchen, she placed it on the chair for some added height and climbed up. She was able to get a better grasp on the books and exclaimed triumphantly. Then, as she pulled the pile toward her, the momentum caused her chair to waver uncertainly and she fell to the ground with a shriek. There was a loud thump as she, the chair, and the books crashed against the ground, but no consolation came from Rin in the other room. Yuki bit back tears and peered at the purpling bruise forming on her knee.

No. Now wasn't the time to cry. Yuki quickly returned the chair and the pillow to their proper places. Then, she sat on the kitchen floor and began flipping through the first of the recipe books before landing on one that looked yummy. Sadly, after looking in the fridge, she discovered that she was lacking the majority of the ingredients. She went back to the book and searched again for something that worked better.

"Rin, Yuki, I'm home!" called Iroha from the front entrance.

"Welcome back," Yuki mumbled habitually, lifting herself to her feet, excited to see Iroha. She ran to the front entrance, where Iroha was taking off her shoes and slipping into slippers. Iroha looked up at her and jumped a little. Then she smiled.

"Heya, Yuki!" she chirped. "You're so quiet! You gotta be louder of you're gonna give me a heart attack one day."

"Sorry," Yuki replied with a delicate smile.

"So," Iroha wondered, taking Yuki hand and leading her into the house. "How was school? Did you get there alright?"

Yuki felt tears in her eyes, but she didn't want Iroha to see them. She knew they'd spill over if she spoke, so she turned her head away and didn't reply. She felt Iroha watching her curiously.

"What's wrong, honey? Did it not go well?" Iroha stroked her head, staring at her with a concerned expression.

"I didn't get to school," Yuki choked out, one tear spilling over as a result.

"What?" exclaimed Iroha. "Didn't Rin take you?"

Yuki shook her head. "I tried to go myself – hic – but I got lost – hic – and then Rin – hic – had to come find me."

"Are you crying?" Iroha questioned, turning the girl toward her.

Yuki didn't want Iroha to see her cry, so she hugged her tightly, hiding her head in the woman's stomach as the tears spilled over and today's frightening experience repeated over and over again in her mind. She shook her head vigorously, trying to deny the obvious truth laid before her. Iroha gently stroked her head and whispered soothing words, and Yuki could tell that she didn't know what else to do. For a moment, Yuki was reminded of Len. He'd come to visit her so many times, and, when he'd smile so kindly at her, she'd start to cry and he'd hold her, just like this.

But Len was dead. He'd never hold her again.

She stared crying even more as a thought entered her mind. Iroha did her best to comfort the little girl until, finally, her crying slowed to tiny hiccups. Finally, then, Iroha whispered, "Yuki, honey, can you let me what's wrong?"

"He'll never hold her again," Yuki whimpered into Iroha's shirt. "Len will never hold Rin again. She must be so lonely."

. . .

"I told you to walk her to school!"

After Yuki had stopped crying, Iroha had set her down on the couch with a steaming mug of hot chocolate. The woman had then proceeded to pound on Rin's door and shout for the other woman to let her in. Rin had shouted words Iroha requested that Yuki not repeat. Then, Iroha had grabbed a key from somewhere in Yuki's room and slipped it into Rin's door, resulting in another round of profane words from Rin as the door opened. From there, they had gone to this, and Yuki was regretting telling Iroha of how she'd gotten lost.

"She's not my responsibility!" Rin replied angrily.

"_Nothing_ is your responsibility! I do everything around here! Couldn't you just do that one thing for me?"

"I'm not going to let you trick me into replacing Len! I'll never accept her, never!"

"Shut up, Rin!" Iroha hissed in a loud whisper. "She can hear you!"

Yuki stared at her mug of hot chocolate, tears forming in her eyes. She blinked them back, knowing that she'd already cried enough today.

"I don't care if she can!" Rin hissed, making no attempt to lower her voice. "She's not Len and she never will be!"

Yuki gasped as a sharp sound rang through the air. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to deny having heard it.

"You bitch!" Iroha shouted. "What did she do to deserve this? That little girl wasn't even crying for herself, Rin! She was crying for you!"

"I. Don't. Care." Rin's words her spoken through gritted teeth, every ounce of dark emotions in her body dripping out. "Get out of here, Iroha. This isn't even your house."

"I'm not going to leave you alone, Rin, so just give up."

Iroha sounded drained now, full of remorse. Yuki squeezed her eyes shut, trying to pretend that none of this was happening, none of it.

After a moment of silence, Rin's voice, equally drained, murmured, "I hate you."

Another moment of silence followed until Iroha murmured, "You can hate all the world as much as you want, but, sometime, you'll have to realized that the world doesn't hate you in return."

When Iroha came out of the room, Yuki looked up at her, startled to see tears in the woman's eyes. Then, when Iroha caught the young girl's gaze on her, those tears vanished and she smiled, though even Yuki could see that it was forced.

"I'm going to call in to work and tell them I'm coming in late tomorrow," she chirped, but the exhaustion in her eyes wouldn't let Yuki be fooled. "That way, we can walk to school together, okay?"

Yuki couldn't make herself smile, but she nodded. Iroha smiled again before going off into the kitchen, where the phone was. Yuki watched the woman's back as she disappeared into the other room.

"You're really going to let her do that?"

Yuki jumped at Rin's icy voice. She turned her head to the woman who'd just exited her bedroom. Yuki flinched at the large red mark on Rin's cheek where Iroha had slapped her, feeling tears spring to her eyes.

"You know, Iroha really can't afford to miss work right now," Rin commented. "It's really quite selfish of you to get her in trouble like this."

"In trouble?" Yuki questioned, panicking. She hadn't realized what a big deal it was for Iroha to miss work. She looked over to the kitchen nervously.

"You're being a burden, even to Iroha, just like I told you."

With that, Yuki leaped up, swiftly putting her hot chocolate on the table, and ran over to Iroha. The pink-haired woman had just picked up the phone when Iroha grabbed her shirt to get her attention. Iroha looked at her curiously, but Yuki couldn't manage to make eye contact.

"I don't feel well," she lied. "I don't think I can go to school tomorrow."

Iroha stared at her worriedly. "Are you sure?"

In response, Yuki reached up and pushed Iroha's hand, which held the phone, toward its stand, ending the call. She didn't want to be a burden, not to Len, not Rin, not to Iroha. She'd never cause trouble ever again.

**Author's Note: So, for those of you who didn't know, I was gone all November working on NaNoWriMo, but I'm back now! This story will be updating every Monday unless I get super inspiration and write a lot in one sitting. Reviews are good motivation, too, nudge nudge wink wink.**


	5. It's Not that I've Forgotten You, It's

Chapter Five

It's Not That I've Forgotten You, It's Just That . . .

Rin pretended to be asleep when Iroha entered the room they shared well past midnight. She kept her back to the door and her eyes remained shut. On Iroha's part, the girl didn't bother turning the lights on as Rin listened to the rustling of clothes that told her that Iroha was changing into pyjamas. The blonde woman lay stock-still as the bed shifted under Iroha's weight and she slid under the blankets, her back to Rin. They were quiet for a moment before Iroha spoke.

"Are you still awake, Rin?"

She_ had_ been asleep a few minutes ago, but she'd had a terrible dream, a mutated version of the day Len died. Now, she was too tired to lie. "Yes."

"Can I ask you for something, then?"

She could feel Iroha's warmth beside her, and between that and Iroha's soothing voice, there was a calming affect to having the girl near. Right now, she didn't want to chase her away. If she only thought of Iroha, she wouldn't have to remember that terrible dream.

"Will you please walk Yuki to school tomorrow?" the woman wondered.

Rin was silent, so the other woman sighed and pressed onward.

"She won't let me walk her to school, and I really want her to make friends. I don't want her to be alone. Can't you imagine if you were alone right now? I know we were never close friends, but you do need me, right?"

Rin remained silent. She didn't want to answer. She only needed Len. And he was gone.

"I'm sorry, just forget that last part. Just, please, will you take Yuki to school tomorrow?"

Rin stayed quiet for a moment longer before murmuring, "Yes."

"One more thing, Rin?"

No answer was offered, but Iroha seemed to realize that she was listening.

"Please, next time you're crying, let me know, okay? Even if it's just from a bad dream."

Rin's heart stuttered at those words. Of course. Iroha knew her very well. She could tell when Rin cried. When Rin cried, she'd speak as little as possible, because she hated breaking out into sobs. And when she did speak, it was strained, just a little, but just enough for Iroha to notice.

But Rin couldn't promise not to cry alone. The only thing she could do was not draw away when Iroha's had gently took hers underneath the blanket, offering the only comfort she could to that reluctant woman.

. . .

Rin woke up early the next morning. Iroha was still sleeping peacefully, her mouth open slightly as she gently breathed in one breath, released it, and started again, over and over again. Rin watched her for a while, remembering the girl holding her hand. She smiled a little at the slumbering woman, wishing she wouldn't but unable to stop it. She gently pushed the woman's bangs out of her eyes and murmured, "I really do need you, Iroha. But you're not Len. You'll never be Len. No one will."

Then, after staring at the peaceful woman a little longer, she stood up and headed over to the room that used to be a guest room, which then became Iroha's room, which was now Yuki's room. Rin half-expected the girl to already be awake and cooking, but, as she peered inside, she saw that Yuki still slept peacefully. However, in her sleep, she had thrown all her blankets onto the ground or halfway there at best. Rin shook her head and rolled her eyes. Stupid girl. She would freeze if she continued on like that. It was nearly winter. Rin sighed and made her way into the room, which was still littered with an endless amount of Hello Kitty memorabilia. She pulled the blankets off the ground and covered up the girl. She was a little startled as she did. She'd never realized how tiny Yuki was. Rin had chosen a very good age, an age when she was still young enough to be cute and innocent but not so young that she was an annoying monster and old enough to have some common sense but not enough to realize that she should hate Rin. Len had known exactly what Rin had wanted.

_But I wanted it with you,_ she argued to him, knowing all the while that he wasn't listening.

After leaving her two unwanted house mates, Rin made her way into the kitchen. She immediately grabbed a bottle of sake. She then proceeded to stare at the bottle for quite a while. However, she decided that she wasn't in the mood for it and stuffed it back behind the orange juice and opted for that instead. She considered tea for a moment but figured that that was too much work. If Iroha or Yuki wanted tea, they could make it themselves.

. . .

"I'm gonna be late!" screeched Iroha from the bedroom as Rin was putting the final touches on one of three bento boxes. She'd woken up way too early, and without sake to fill the hours, she'd had no other option but to make lunch lest she decide to remember her nightmare from the previous night.

"Then you should have woken up earlier," Rin called out to the other woman.

Iroha stormed out of the room and glared at Rin. "Why didn't you wake me?" she exclaimed.

Rin cast her an annoyed look. "It's not my responsibility."

"You're such an idiot sometimes," Iroha muttered.

"I don't give a damn," Rin replied to the woman's departing figure.

As soon as Iroha disappeared into the room, Yuki then exited her room, yawning and rubbing her eyes. She blinked blearily at Iroha across the hall as the woman shouted, "Darn, I forgot about Yuki!" as she ran out of the room again and nearly ran over the child. Seeing that Yuki was awake, she hurriedly said, "Get yourself ready, Yuki, okay?"

"Okay," mumbled Yuki sleepily.

"Can you do it yourself?" Iroha wondered, jumping up and down restlessly. When the little girl nodded, she exclaimed, "Good!" and dashed back into the room, slamming to door shut behind her.

"I told her I'm not going to school today," Yuki mumbled to no one in particular.

"Yeah you are," replied Rin from the couch. She pretended not to notice Yuki's shocked expression. "I'm walking you, so hurry up and get ready."

"Bentos . . . ." Yuki started, gazing toward the kitchen. "I forgot to make them."

"I made them so just hurry up so we can get going," snapped Rin, already having used up the tiny amount of patience that she had for the girl who was trying to replace Len.

"_You made me a bento, Rin?" Len wondered as she proffered a tiny metal box to him as he spun his desk around to face hers in the classroom they'd shared during the second year of high school._

"_Yeah," Rin mumbled embarrassedly, then her gaze had grown fiery and she ordered, "And you'd better eat every bite because I worked hard on this!"_

_Len laughed at her. She watched him tensely as he took an octopus sausage by the body with his chopsticks, slowly, dramatically, lifting it to his mouth, taking a bite, chewing in careful consideration, and finally swallowing it. Then, completely serious, he stated, "I think we should break up. I need someone who isn't trying to poison me."_

"_You idiot!" she snapped, her face the colour of a tomato in her anger. "Let me try that!" She snatched the chopsticks from his hands, grabbed an octopus sausage, and shoved it in her mouth. She felt sick immediately, but, under Len's amused gaze, she forced herself to swallow it. Then, she whined, "I think I have to go see the nurse."_

"_Told you," he stated. "Promise me you'll pay more attention in cooking class, okay?"_

"_Okay," she moaned._

_He was smirking at her as he said, "Hey, Rin?"_

"_Yeah?" she replied hesitantly._

"_That was an indirect kiss." He nodded to the chopsticks she'd taken from him. Her face went bright red in embarrassment, even more so when he leaned over the table and placed a proper kiss on her lips. "And now we've actually kissed."_

_She looked down, embarrassed, as he smiled at her, a rosy blush on both their faces._

"I'm ready," came a voice.

"Huh?" Rin mumbled, having been so caught up in her memories that she hadn't even noticed the little girl, now standing before her, leave. "Oh, hi there."

Yuki tilted her head to the side. For a moment, Rin found it endearing. She was about to turn around and tell Len and comment on how cute she was when cold ran over her as she recalled that he wasn't there. Instead, she glowered down at the girl, who didn't react.

"Okay, guys, I have to go now!" cheered Iroha, lifting Yuki off the ground with a hug that the little girl hadn't been expecting. The woman then hugged Rin, who stood there stiffly. Iroha turned back to the child. "You'll be okay to get to school, Yuki?"

"Rin said she's gonna take me," Yuki replied with a sickeningly joyful smile on her face.

_Don't smile like that, I'm begging you._

"Really?" Iroha looked astounded, but she was clearly overjoyed as she looked to Rin, who refused to meet her gaze. Iroha seemed to have forgotten that she was in a rush.

_Please don't act like you need me._

"You're gonna be late," Rin mumbled. "Your lunch is by the door."

_Please don't need me._

"Oh my gosh, you're right!" exclaimed Iroha. Then, to Yuki she said, "You don't have to make lunch everyday, Yuki, okay? That's our job."

_Don't need me._

"Rin made it," Yuki replied.

_Don't act like I mean something to you._

Iroha blinked, unable to process all this. Then, she gave up and cried, "Gah, I'll think about all this later! See you tonight! Bye!"

_You're not Len._

Iroha ran outside without another word. Rin counted to three, resulting in a curious expression on Yuki's face, and then, right on cue, Iroha ran back in the retrieve the bento box she'd forgotten on her way out.

_You'll never be Len._

Once she was gone, Rin said, "Let's go."

_So please, he's the only one who needs me, so you're not allowed to need me._

Yuki smiled so brightly for her that she felt her heart breaking.

_I don't want to need you, too._

. . .

Once Yuki had gone off to meet her classmates, Rin turned to leave, feeling no need to stay any longer. However, the teacher, a terribly optimistic-type person, stopped her with a joyful smiled and said, "I'm Miki, Yuki's teacher."

Rin stared at her before saying, "Great, well, I'm sure we won't be seeing much of each other so there's no use becoming acquaintances."

"Why is that?" Miki wondered, taken aback by Rin's cold attitude.

"I'm only here to pay back a debt I owe to Iroha," Rin replied, absolutely serious. "Yuki will be making her own way here from now on, or Iroha will take her, but I never plan on seeing you again."

"Oh dear," was all the teacher could manage to say.

Rin turned to leave, but she couldn't manage to without saying one last thing. She kept her back turned and, unable to believe that she was speaking the words at all, stated, "She's not Len, and she never will be. However, he chose her, and, in honour of his memory, I will not let her be harmed while she is under my charge. If you let anything happen to her, I will sue this school for all it's got." She glanced back at the startled Miki. "You got that?" Miki nodded. "Good."

Without another word more, Rin left.

**Author's Note: My brother warned me that people might try to psychoanalyse me based on my fics. I dunno, they're all really, really different. I feel like I have horrid mood swings during the week considering I'm going from this fic to a hopelessly random, cheerful fic. Anyway, I love reviews, and you obviously love to read, so let's make a trade, 'kay? Oh, and you'll see this next chapter, but three of Yuki's classmates are Piko, Neru, and Haku.**


	6. If I Call for You, Will You

Chapter Six

If I Call for You, Will You . . .

Yuki peered around a bend in the hallway as Rin talked to Miki. She was too scared to go meet her classmates. She wanted to just stay with Rin and Iroha. But Rin would get mad at her, especially when she'd taken her time to walk Yuki here in the first place. Rin turned to walk away, and both Yuki and her teacher watched her go. Then, Miki turned around and caught Yuki watching a little ways away. The kind woman smiled.

"Hello, sweetie," Miki said. "Are you alright? Do you need to see your mom one last time before you go?"

"My . . . mom?" Yuki murmured softly. Was Rin her mother? Rin probably wouldn't like it if she called her that, even though Yuki was meant to be her daughter. Yuki shook her head slowly. "No, I'm okay. Rin was nice and brought me here. That's enough for me."

"Shall we go meet your classmates, then?" she suggested, smiling gently while she offered a hand to Yuki.

Yuki averted her eyes from Miki's kind gaze. She didn't want to be mean and say no, but she didn't think she could handle meeting anyone new. What if they were like Rin? What if they didn't want her, either? Yuki was prepared to accept Rin's general distaste for her, because, she knew, deep down, that the Rin Len had told her about was still there, but what about her classmates? Did they really want another student in their class, one whose own parents hadn't even wanted her?

"I understand," Miki said, drawing her hand away when Yuki glanced back at her. "I'll come and check on you in a couple minutes, okay? Or you can come in if you feel ready for it. We'll all be waiting, so don't worry. We're not going anywhere."

Yuki nodded, unable to find the proper words, and watched Miki as the woman slipped into the classroom. She listened to her classmates chatting inside, echoed by Miki's sweet voice chiding someone who'd said something snarky. Yuki leaned against the wall outside the door, listening to the sounds inside the room. She felt sick. She just wanted to go home. This was too much.

"Len," she whispered desperately, drawing her knees up to her chin as she sat against the wall. "Iroha. Rin." She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. "I don't want to be here. Please take me home. I want to go home."

Yuki stayed like that for a while until Miki came out again. The woman sat down next to her and wondered, "Do you want to call someone, Yuki? I know this must be hard for you." Yuki nodded. "Okay, sweetie. The office is at the end of the hallway. Tell them I said you could call someone, okay?" Yuki nodded again. "Okay. I hope you'll come join us soon. Everyone's really excited to see you." Another nod. Then, after giving Yuki's hand a comforting squeeze, the teacher stood up and returned to her class. Yuki gently brought herself up to her feet and made her way down the hallway. She entered the office, where a blonde-haired secretary was working. Yuki stared at her curiously. She looked like Rin, only her hair was longer. The woman caught sight of her.

"Do you need something?" she wondered. "Were you sent down?"

"Teacher said I could call someone," Yuki managed, her voice little more than a whisper.

The secretary, known as Lily according to the nameplate on the desk, handed Yuki a phone. Yuki murmured her thanks and stared at the phone. Len had made her memorize Rin's cell phone number, and Yuki had copied Iroha's phone number off the list on the fridge and placed the slip of paper on which it was written into her pocket.

Yuki placed the phone against her ear and listened to it ring until a, "What is it?" came from the other side.

"Rin," Yuki murmured, finding such comfort in the woman's voice.

Yuki knew Iroha was more likely to be supportive and make her feel better, but, last night, she'd had a dream. In that dream, Rin had tucked her in. Yuki wanted to believe that such a thing was possible. She really did want to make it up to Rin. Then, maybe, Rin could be her mother.

"How the hell are you calling me in class?" Rin replied.

"I don't feel well," Yuki informed her desolately.

"Well, that's too bad. Stop being a wuss and go to class."

"But I wanna go home, Rin."

"Too bad. You're not wasting those lunches I made, so get your butt in class right now."

"'Kay . . . ," Yuki mumbled right before Rin hang up, feeling the corners of her mouth turn up. Yuki smiled fondly at the phone. Rin hadn't just told her to go home. She'd actually cared about Yuki staying. That had to mean something, right?

But Yuki was still too scared to go to class. She handed to phone back to Lily with a quick thanks and then sat in one of the chairs in the office. She'd just wait here until the end of the day. She didn't want to go to class.

Then, a boy entered the office. Lily frowned when she saw him enter. "What are you doing in here, Piko?" she wondered.

The boy, apparently named Piko, put a finger to his lip and said, "That's a secret. You can call Miki if you want to know."

"Sure . . . ," Lily mumbled, already having lost interest as she got back to work.

Piko hopped onto the chair next to Yuki and smiled at her. Yuki wanted to look away, but that would be rude, so she quickly said hello instead. In response, he said, "Hiya, I'm Piko! What're you doing here?"

"I'm not feeling well," she lied nervously. "Are you in trouble?"

"You could say that," Piko stated. Then, he smiled invitingly to her. "So, Yuki, wanna join me?"

"Join you?" Yuki asked curiously, startled by the boy's spontaneity.

"You know, be my partner in crime," he said, his eyes sparkling mischievously. "We'll go back to class and tell the teacher that I got my scolding even when I didn't. I'd seriously owe you one. C'mon, what do you say?"

The way his eyes were sparkling so excitedly made the blood flush to Yuki's face. Her heart stuttered as he stared at her, making her feel like they were the only two there. Shyly, she nodded. Piko smiled widely. "Great, then let's go!" Yuki didn't have time to react before he grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the office. She stared at the back of the white-haired boy's head as he towed her down the hallway. He was smiling so brightly. To be honest, it made Yuki kind of jealous. She hadn't smiled that brightly since finding out Len was dead. She wanted to smile like that, truly, but she couldn't remember how to. She stopped and squeezed the boy's hand to tell him to stop, too. He obliged and looked back at her curiously.

"Why are you so happy?" she wanted to know as she gazed at him.

He laughed. "That's a funny question." Then, without any inhibitions whatsoever, he replied, "Because I met you, of course."

Yuki found her cheeks going red as she mumbled, "Oh, okay."

Now, Piko pouted. "What, aren't you happy to have gotten to meet me? C'mon, Yuki, smile!"

Her face burned the brightest red. He knew her name. For some reason, hearing him call her name just made her so . . . happy. Before she knew it, the corners of her mouth lifted up into a smile as she stared at him. He beamed in response.

"See, that's what I mean!" he proclaimed. "Wait till you meet Haku and Neru! They're awesome! They're my best friends in the world!"

He was being so nice that Yuki didn't dare bring him down by mentioning that, never, not even once, in her life had she had someone she could actually call a friend. The closest she had were Len, but he was more like a father, or the woman who always came in to see her but who never made any actions toward building any sort of relationship with Yuki other than their distant one. Len had never liked that woman for some reason.

"Piko," she tested, trying to recall his name. He smiled, signalling that she was right. Then, she continued, "Will you be my friend?"

"I thought we were friends already," he stated, tilting his head to the side curiously. "We're partners in crime, after all."

"Can I sit with you in class?" she interrogated, glancing at the door she'd been sitting outside off all morning.

"Of course!" Piko said indignantly, as if he'd have it no other way.

"Are you gonna hold my hand the whole time?" Yuki wondered, embarrassed to be acting so childish in the fifth grade. But she was too scared. She didn't know how she'd do it without Piko standing beside her.

"As long as you want me to," he replied. "We could walk home together, too, if you want. Miki won't mind."

"What does teacher have to do with that?" Yuki wondered.

"Miki's my big sister," Piko replied. Yuki widened her eyes in shock. Was that even allowed? "She's the only fifth grade teacher."

"Oh," Yuki mumbled, still a little thrown-off.

"So, Yuki, are you ready?" he wondered, staring at her as he gestured to the classroom door. Yuki nodded and gripped tightly to his hand. "Okay then."

And the door opened.

. . .

"Bye bye!" Yuki called to Haku and Neru as Neru's older sister, the secretary, Lily, began to lead them home. Haku gave a little wave, and Neru nodded with a smirk. The two were herded into a car, and then they were gone, plowing down the road.

In Yuki's hand, Piko's remained. She held onto it tightly, feeling herself grow nervous as her classmates all left, each waving a farewell to her. She waved back and smiled, but she was beginning to grow anxious. She couldn't remember how she was supposed to get home. She'd never planned anything out, had she? She hoped Iroha or Rin would show up and pick her up, but they'd never made any promises.

"Wanna walk home together?" Piko wondered, snapping Yuki out of her anxious daze.

Yuki looked around for Rin or Iroha. "Um, can I wait a little longer?' she dared to request. What if Rin or Iroha came and she was gone?

"Sure, of course," he said, smiling. She offered him a thank you, which he denied being necessary. Then, when another ten minutes or so passed by and the school had completely emptied, Yuki knew she had to admit defeat when he asked, "Miki's gotta do work, so I gotta head out. You coming?"

"Yeah," Yuki mumbled sadly. She'd really hoped somebody would come pick her up. Piko led her back into the school, over to where Miki sat in the classroom, tidying. Miki looked back at them and smiled.

"Ready to go?" she wondered.

Yuki nodded. She'd really been hoping Rin or Iroha would come get her, but Rin had brought her here this morning. That was enough, right?

Right . . . .

**Author's Note: First post of the New Year! Sorry I haven't been updating lately. Life's been getting in my way, but I'm back now (I think). Please review because it makes me happy!**


	7. If I Forget about You, then

Chapter Seven

If I Forget about You, then . . .

Rin gazed around herself as she walked through the town, her hands stuffed in her pockets to hide from the gentle nip of cold in the air. Her short, blonde hair was free of tangles for once, and the shadows under her eyes were covered by makeup. Her clothes weren't wrinkled and stained with alcohol as she hadn't been wearing this for more than just today but were instead freshly pressed and without a single fault thanks to Iroha. Anyone passing her on the streets wouldn't stop twice to look at her as she seemed exactly as everyone else for once, though they would quickly move out of her way to avoid the harshness of her gaze, which refused to disappear even after with her make over. Today, Rin had actually gone into work, and she'd gone in properly. There was only one reason why she'd bothered to do so.

"Bastards," she'd muttered as they'd held her back in leaving work, causing her to have the need to walk at such a brisk pace now. But, finally, she saw her destination ahead, so she quickly picked up her speed.

By the time she entered the building, she realised that she had quickened her pace to a jog, so she slowed down for fear of tripping on the freshly-mopped ground. She swiftly made her way into a room and caught sight of her target.

"Yuki," she called, catching the little black-haired girl's attention from where she stood, holding hands with a white-haired boy as they talked to their teacher.

All eyes turned on Rin. Miki looked rather pleased, the white-haired boy confused, and Yuki's face lit up with joy that made Rin's heart ache with a sharp pain, a sense of betrayal dancing around her heart as the emotions pierced their grips into her being, battling for superiority.

"Yuki, Yuki, I'm so sorry I'm late!"

Rin wasn't the one to speak that time. Instead, it was the short, pink-haired woman who appeared behind Rin, running in with no shame and sliding to the ground at Yuki's feet, landing on her knees so that she looked the black-haired girl right in the eye.

"I was held up at work, so I ran here as fast as I could! I was so worried that you'd be all alone!" the pinkette apologized feverishly, gripping Yuki by the shoulders as the kid smiled at her. "I'm so sorry, Yuki!"

"Oh dear," Miki laughed. "It appears you both have had trouble arriving on time today."

"Both?" questioned Iroha, confused, turning her head to look at the teacher. "Did Rin bring Yuki in late?"

"She came to pick me up," Yuki said quietly, looking to Rin in an ingratiating manner that irritated Rin to her very core. Iroha turned her head to follow Yuki's gaze, immediately alarmed by the sight of Rin.

"You told me to pick her up," Rin stated icily, refusing to let this be seen as anything more than an obligation.

Iroha's smile held the barest trace of a smirk. "I only said you had to drop her off. I can easily pick her up after school. Are you sure you weren't just worried?"

"You said I had to pick her up," Rin insisted through gritted teeth. As Iroha's smirk became evident, the blonde snorted. "Whatever. Let's go."

"Actually, Rin, may I speak to you for a moment?" the teacher requested, that kind smile still on her face. This woman frustrated Rin to no end.

"I needed to talk to you, anyway," Rin replied haughtily.

Miki nudged the white-haired boy and Yuki toward Iroha, who had stood up in catching on that she was meant to leave the room. The kids looked back at their teacher. Iroha drew their attention toward her with a, "Why don't we go outside and get some fresh air? You guys have probably been stuck in this classroom all day."

Rin and Miki watched the pinkette herd the kids outside of the classroom before turning back to each other. Rin immediately questioned, "So? Was she alright? She called me, you know, and it didn't sound like things were doing well."

"I did as you asked and I took care of her," Miki replied pleasantly. "She wouldn't even enter the classroom all morning, so I let her go call you, and then I sent my little brother, Piko, down and asked him to make friends with her. She made friends with two sweet girls, Haku and Neru, as well. She seems to be doing much better now."

"Good," Rin said shortly. Until she could be rid of the girl, she had to do her best to help the girl. For Len's sake.

"Now, I must ask, is that woman your, how should I put this, life partner?"

Rin stared steadily at the woman, whose eyes held no judgement, before carefully replying, "No, and I'd prefer if you didn't refer to us in such a way. Iroha is simply the one who cares for me and, as a result, Yuki. She simply pities me for having lost Len, and harassing me makes her feel better about herself."

Miki continued with that breezy smile. "I'm sorry, I just had to be sure. I hadn't heard anything about her so it startled me when she arrived. Now, if I may, it appears that both you and—" She stopped and gazed expectantly at Rin.

"Iroha."

"Iroha, have very busy jobs. My little brother, Piko, and your daughter, Yuki, seem to have bonded, so it wouldn't be a bother for me to walk Yuki home. She lives only a couple blocks away from us."

"Thanks for the offer, but that girl is my responsibility," Rin replied, narrowing her eyes at the woman. "I don't need any assistance from you."

The teacher was unfazed by Rin's sharpness. "I understand. Still, if there are ever any difficulties, just give me a call and I'll bring her home."

"That won't be necessary. Are we done now?"

"We are. Will you be bringing Yuki to school tomorrow?"

"I will, not that it's any of your business."

"No, it isn't. I was just checking something. Well, anyway, I'll see you tomorrow."

Rin scowled at the woman and spun on her heels to leave. She glared at nothing as she stormed outside to where Iroha, Yuki, and Piko were chatting amiably. Rin scowled. Why did Iroha have to be so nice to everyone, even some bratty little child?

"We're going now," the blonde woman announced irritably.

"Bye bye, Piko," Yuki said cheerily, smiling to the boy as she squeezed the hand that held hers. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Piko was watching Rin carefully rather than focussing on Yuki as he mumbled, "Yeah, see you tomorrow." Rin frowned at the boy, not liking the way he stared at her. She didn't deserve that accusatory tone that his eyes carried.

"Piko, let's go," said Miki from behind Rin. The white-haired boy gently released Yuki and made his way toward his sister, staring at Rin all the while whilst she stared back at him, wondering what the brat's problem was. "See you tomorrow, Yuki."

"Bye bye, Ms. Utatane," Yuki replied politely, bowing her head to show her respect to the teacher. Rin snorted at this act, earning a glare from Iroha that said, _Behave_. Rin obliged and began walking by herself. With one last farewell, Yuki followed, Iroha by her side.

"Thank you for coming to get me," Yuki offered quietly, quite obviously trying to get Rin's attention, but Rin wasn't willing to look at the girl.

"From now on, I'll pick you up and Rin will drop you off, okay?" Iroha told the girl, smiling cheerfully.

Yuki was quiet for a moment before saying, "Oh. Okay."

Words fell from Rin's lips before she could stop them. "Yeah, right. It's on my way home from work, anyway. I'll be coming by, too."

"Really? Thank you so much!"

Yuki was so completely overjoyed at Rin's response, and Rin hated it, so she forced herself to say, "I'm not doing it for you so calm down."

"Okay." But when Rin glanced down at the girl, the fifth-grader was smiling up at her, as bright as the sun itself. Rin turned her gaze away stubbornly.

"So, Yuki, how was your first day at your new school?" Iroha wondered. Rin looked at the pinkette, who had taken one of Yuki's hands and was swinging their arms as they walked.

"I made friends," Yuki said cheerily.

"Well, I saw that," the woman laughed. "Piko's a very nice boy. Did you meet any other friends?"

"Uh huh," Yuki said, nodding eagerly. Her head was turned to Iroha, so Rin could easily watch her without having to worry about being caught. "Their names are Haku and Neru. They're really funny."

Iroha smiled encouragingly, and Rin could see the same shock shared in both women's gazes. Rin couldn't recall hearing Yuki talk so much before. Then again, this was only the girl's third day living with them. How much could Rin and Iroha know about the girl in such a short amount of time?

"Haku's really nice, and Neru is, too. Neru's always teasing Haku, and it's really funny because Haku gets all gloomy but I don't think she really minds. Apparently they've been best friends since they were in kindergarten. They grew up together. Piko and Ms. Utatane moved here last year, but he already knows _everybody_. Everybody loves Piko. He's so lucky. And everyone else was nice to me, too."

"That's great," Iroha said, looking fondly at the chatterbox. "So I guess your first day of school went really well, then."

Yuki nodded enthusiastically yet again. "It was really good! I can't wait to see them again tomorrow! Oh, and Haku said she wants me to come to her birthday party. I've never been to one before, though."

"Well, you should ask Neru or Piko what she might like as a present," Iroha suggested. "Ask what they'll be doing for her birthday. Sometimes people go to movies, or they'll have sleep-overs, or something else."

"That sounds like so much fun!" Yuki squealed excitedly.

Rin, watching them, felt a strange emotion choking her. She felt . . . lonely. It was different than the loneliness she'd felt since she'd lost Len. Iroha and Yuki were there, right beside her, but she felt so terribly lonely. As Yuki and Iroha continued to discuss the party, Rin watched them, never offering any word nor being pulled in by one of the two.

_But that doesn't matter. They aren't Len, after all._

The words sounded hollow.

Yuki let out a yelp as she stumbled. Instinctively, Rin reached out and grabbed Yuki's hand to steady the falling girl, yanking her back up before she could hit the ground. She didn't know why she did it, but she did.

"Th-thanks," Yuki stuttered nervously.

"Watch your step," Rin grumbled, turning her gaze away.

She kept her grip on Yuki's hand the entire way home.

**Author's Note: (You don't have to read this, this is me kind of ranting/venting.) Alright, I just had the most awkward thing happen. So I'm a tutor, and I have one student who's missed a few session and it's really annoying but I've let it go. So she missed it today and I had never received a reply from her mother who I'd emailed to verify a week ago. So I sent a sort-of-but-not-super nasty email informing her that she had to pay for this session. Then she emailed me back informing me that her husband had died last week. And now I feel terrible. Okay, sorry to take up your time, I'm just one of those people who's really careful about not hurting other people so this really affected me. Sigh.**


	8. If You Care for Me, May I Call You

Chapter Eight

If You Care for Me, May I Call You . . .

"Why hello, Miss Rabbit," Yuki giggled at a rose-coloured rabbit that kind of reminded her of Ms. Utatane.

"Hello, Yuki," the rabbit reciprocated.

Yuki tilted her head to the side and lowered herself onto the knees to get a closer look at the rabbit. "You can talk? Then this is a dream?"

"Of course, Yuki," the rabbit said with a smile. "Now, have you seen my little brother anywhere around? I can't seem to find him."

"Well, isn't that him, up there?" Yuki wondered, pointing up to the fluffy white clouds above their heads. "He has white hair, right?"

"Yuki," came a voice behind her. Yuki turned with a smile to seen a young man with blond hair and blue eyes smiling at her.

"Len!" she cried joyfully, abandoning her teacher to run toward him. With a shriek of joy, she was lifted into the air by his strong arms as he laughed and swung her around until finally putting her back down again. She smiled brightly at him. "Len! I've missed you so much! I'm so glad your back! Rin will be, too." She giggled at reached for the cat ears on his head. "You're a kitty, Len."

"Yuki, I'm not back," Len informed her, still wearing that kind smile as Yuki's faded, her hands falling from his ears and instead onto his hands.

Tightening her grip on his hand, the young girl wondered, "Why not?"

"Oh, Yuki," he whispered, his eyes pained as he gazed at her. "I can't ever come back. I'm so sorry."

"But Rin needs you," she argued. "You have to come back, for her." She ducked her head shyly. "And for me, too."

"And what about me?"

Yuki jumped and turned to the woman who always came to visit her, just like Len did. And, like she always did, Yuki noticed him growing tense. She'd never understood why. It wasn't as though that woman was ever cruel or mean to Yuki. Sure, she didn't try to be friendly with her, either, but she'd never hurt her.

"Do you miss me at all?" the woman wondered.

Yuki had always been told never to lie, but she didn't want to be rude, either. In truth, she couldn't be all that bothered by the woman's absence, but telling her that was rude. It would probably be even worse if she pointed out that she didn't even know her name.

Yuki blinked, and, when she opened her eyes, the woman was gone. The only problem was that Len had vanished, too. And Miki. And Piko. Everyone had disappeared, leaving her staring at the ceiling in a room adorned with Hello Kitty memorabilia.

"Yuki, are you awake yet?"

Yuki turned her head toward the door to stare at the short, pink-haired woman who'd poked her head in. It took Yuki a moment to register the woman as Iroha, especially since the woman's hair was loose, fanning around her shoulders and tangling itself into more and more knots.

"'Morning," Yuki mumbled, only half-awake.

"Rin's going to walk you to school, okay?" the pinkette informed her.

"'Kay," Yuki mumbled, her eyelids drooping as the warmth of her bed begged her to slip down under the blankets. It was quite possible that she would have obliged if it weren't for the fact that Iroha still stood in the doorway, watching her. So, given no other option, Yuki pulled the blankets aside and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She covered her mouth as she yawned and then blearily blinked her eyes back open, shocked to see Iroha still standing in the doorway, bemused. Yuki stared back at her curiously.

"You really are adorable," Iroha informed her.

Yuki felt herself go a little red at the compliment. In a way, Iroha reminded her of Len. Something about the way she acted, her mannerisms, and even her voice triggered thoughts of him. She liked that. She missed him.

"I had a dream last night," Yuki blurted as she noticed the woman turning to leave. Iroha stopped immediately and looked back on her curiously.

"Oh? What was it about?"

Yuki furrowed her brow, deep in thought. What _had_ it been about? She couldn't seem to remember. "I don't know."

Iroha chuckled. "You truly are adorable, Yuki. You better get up and start getting ready, though, okay? We don't want to set Rin off. She's been doing really well all week."

It was the Monday after the first day of Yuki's classes. All week, Rin would wake up, sober, and walk Yuki to school. Mind you, they were always ten minutes or so late, but Yuki didn't mind since Rin was walking her. Then, Iroha would always show up early and hang around the class for about half an hour or so before school ended, helping out Ms. Utatane. Piko and his sister always had to hang around for a while before leaving since Ms. Utatane was a teacher, so Yuki never got to walk home with him, but Iroha always took her places on the way home, like that little café where a nice teenage girl named Ring worked. Ring was always incredibly kind to Yuki and constantly asked Iroha about Rin. Iroha would mention how Rin hadn't had anything to drink since Yuki's first day of school, and very proudly at that. Ring would seem very pleased by this and would proceed to ask if there'd been any luck in getting her to properly leave the apartment. Iroha would cast her eyes downward, and the two would fall silent for a moment before Ring would begin asking Yuki about her school day. And so each day repeated.

Once Iroha disappeared, Yuki rummaged through her drawers and took out her neatly folded school uniform. After sliding her arms through the dress and straightening it out, she reached out for the bathroom, but the door was locked. Rin must've taken it. Yuki frowned a little. She usually tied her hair in front of the mirror, but she could probably do fine without it, right? Right.

"I'm going now," Iroha called out from he front door.

"Take care of yourself," Yuki called back reflexively as she grabbed her hair ties and sat on the edge of her bed, tying her brown-black hair into pigtails. When they were properly bound, she headed into the kitchen to see if Rin needed any help with the bentos.

"Ready?" Rin questioned, her back turned to Yuki, the moment the girl entered the kitchen. It startled Yuki and caused her to jump back, consequently hitting her back against the wall. She winced at the pain, embarrassed as Rin turned to look at her. The woman raised an eyebrow and sighed. "Really? You're going to school like that? Just because Miki and Piko have cowlicks doesn't mean you should have one, too."

"Cowlick?" Yuki questioned.

She gasped a little as Rin strode over to her and, from behind, undid the ties she'd put in her hair, running her hand along Yuki's head to smoothen the stray locks. Yuki stood absolutely still, afraid that any sudden movements would send Rin away. Len used to do this, all the time. After the woman who always visited her taught her how to tie her hair, she'd try again and again, but she somehow always managed to mess it up. So, each time that Len would show up, he'd tie it properly for her.

"There," Rin concluded, dragging Yuki back to reality. "That's better."

And Yuki couldn't get the smile off her face, even after arriving at school. So, when they were given a break from classes, Neru questioned, "Are you high?"

"High?" Haku proceeded to wonder, looking curiously at her friend. Piko and Yuki nodded, looking at her with that same curiosity. They had no idea what she was talking about, either.

In fact, even Neru didn't know. She shrugged and said, "My sister always says that. I don't really know what it means, but it seemed appropriate."

"My sister might know, then," Piko offered up.

"But if Lily said it, it's probably not a good thing to say!" Haku insisted. "You'll get her in trouble."

"Do you always ask your big sister when you don't know what something means?" Yuki wondered curiously. She'd never been liked much by the other kids at the orphanage, so she'd never had the experience of having an older sister, but it had to be like having a parent sort of, right?

"Of course," Neru responded, cutting off Piko as he opened his mouth to talk. "Lily knows lots of stuff. She's an adult, after all."

"So you just ask an adult?" Yuki wondered.

"Where do you live, under a rock?" Neru questioned. Yuki had grown used to Neru's sharp tongue by now, so she didn't mind it so much. That didn't stop Piko from smacking her in the arm, though. And his smack didn't stop her from hitting him back.

"I usually ask my parents," Haku offered quietly. Yuki turned her attention onto the silver-haired girl. "They always know what to do." Her eyes fell and she shyly wondered, "Do you not have parents, Yuki?"

Yuki couldn't bear those eyes on her. What would they say if they knew? Would they reject her, like everyone else had? She repeated the same words she had for over a year now. "Len and Rin are my parents." Despite the fact that Len was gone and Rin was despondent, she clung to those words. After all, Rin had done her hair up this morning, hadn't she?

"Who's the woman who comes to get you after school?" Neru proceeded to question, brave enough to ask what Yuki knew had been bothering them all week.

"Iroha," was all Yuki could say.

"Who's Iroha?"

"Rin's friend."

"You don't call Rin Mama?"

Yuki flinched, stung by those words. She didn't have any idea whatsoever how to respond to that. In fact, she could feel tears pricking her eyes. No. She didn't want to cry, not here, not now. She squeezed her eyes shut the moment she felt arms wrap around her.

"Stop that, Neru!" Piko exclaimed. "You're bullying her!"

"What?" Neru exclaimed. "I'm not bullying her! I was just asking a question!"

"It's okay," Yuki murmured. "I know she wasn't trying to be mean."

"Time to start class, everyone!" Ms. Utatane called.

"I'm sorry, Yuki," Neru whispered as they took their seats together, looking genuinely guilty. Haku and Piko were already busily listening to Ms. Utatane. "I didn't mean to be mean."

"It's okay," Yuki whispered, smiling softly for Neru, masking her pain. Neru looked satisfied and smiled apologetically before turning her eyes to the front.

. . .

When the bell rang, Yuki ran immediately to Iroha, hiding her face in the woman's shirt. Iroha seemed thrown off, probably since Yuki had been acting fine the entire day, even that last half hour when Iroha was around and helping the class. Iroha started stroking the little girl's head and wondered, "What's wrong, sweetie?"

"Can I call you Mama?" Yuki requested, feeling those tears from before pooling once more in her eyes.

Iroha froze for a moment before speaking. Yuki could hear the tender smile in her voice as she replied, "Of course, Yuki. You can call me Mama or Mom or whatever you'd like."

In the end, Iroha had to carry Yuki out of the classroom and all the way home because Yuki broke out into a fit of sobs. When they arrived home, Rin was nowhere to be found, which, for the moment, was alright, because Yuki didn't want Rin to see her crying. Iroha placed Yuki on her bed and pulled the blankets over her, sitting there on the bed, stroking her hair. Yuki felt herself gently being lulled into sleep as Iroha hummed a simple lullaby of _lu li la_ over and over again. Before the sleep took her, she whispered, "I love you, Mama."

**Author's Note: Dearest Nekofan123, I promised this for Tuesday but I didn't have time, so, as an apology, I also wrote a chapter of How Long Is Forever that'll be up once I edit. In other news, I have a new laptop so we're all good now :) Thanks for sticking with me.**


	9. If You Don't Need Me, then

Chapter Nine

If You Don't Need Me, then . . .

"_Len, come join us for lunch!" Iroha beckoned cheerily, glancing at the boy over her shoulder as she brought her desk up against Rin's._

"_Iroha!" Rin snapped._

"_Stop being a wimp, Rin," laughed Aria. "We all know you want him to come sit with us."_

"_Even I knew," Len boasted, smiling at her. He glanced down at her two boxed lunches. "One's for me, right?"_

"_Of course," Rin couldn't help reply with an overjoyed smile just from having him near. However, her joy was ruined when he sat in her chair. "Uh, Len?"_

"_You can sit on my lap," he offered, smiling at her. Her friends giggled as heat swiftly built up within her._

"Yuki and I are going grocery shopping," Iroha said, drawing in Rin's attention from her memories for but a moment before the woman returned to her bottle of sake, glaring at the sofa as she did so while she waited to be left in peace once more. "Any chance you want to come?"

Rin didn't bother speaking. She just grunted and rolled over on the couch, burying her face in the sofa so that she saw nothing but black out of her open eyes. Iroha sighed. Rin knew why. She'd been in this state for the past week, which probably wouldn't have been so upsetting if Iroha hadn't believe that, in going to pick Yuki up, she'd made a turn around. But, no. A few nights ago, Rin had had a nightmare. That nightmare had been a reminder.

In the nightmare, Rin and Len were sitting on a park bench, that same park where they'd go every single day after school on their walk home and that same park where she still walked every single day. Then, Len had asked her to sit tight for a moment, and he'd dashed off. As Rin waited alone, Miku appeared on the bench beside her. She'd proceeded to ask Rin many, many questions before finally smiling, satisfied, and vanishing. Then, Len returned, holding in his arms a baby. Iroha had come up beside him and scolded him for carrying it so recklessly and taken it from his arms. The moment she did, Len disappeared. Rin screamed and tried to find him, running all around the park, but he was nowhere to be found. Then, someone appeared behind her, speaking in a voice that Rin recognized in a heartbeat. Terror ran through her, and she felt herself frozen stiff as that person came before her, gently trailing a knife along Rin's arm and stroking her face with a sinister smile that Rin recognized so well.

"He's gone now," that person whispered. "Now we can be together."

Only then did Rin notice the red coating the blade.

Rin had woken up to Iroha stroking her hair and whispering her name in the calmest voice she could, but the panic was evident. Rin had broken into sobs against her friend's chest, whispering of how Len had been killed, and it was all her fault. Iroha had known better than to deny what Rin, still in a half-awoken state, had exclaimed. When Rin had spoken that person's name, however, even she'd frozen for a distinct moment. She quickly returned to soothing Rin, but Rin had noticed it. Then, Yuki, a worried look on her face, had entered the room. Rin had yelled at the beast, screaming how it was all her fault and desperately trying to get at the girl, to take her life and return it to Len. Though Iroha had held her back, not letting her make one single step toward the child, Rin managed to grab the glass plate on the bedside table and throw it at the girl, missing only by a hair as it shattered to pieces beside her head. Yuki still had scratches covering her shoulder along with one along her cheek and one against her ear. Yuki hadn't spoken to Rin since and flinched whenever the woman would make any sharp movements. Rin acted as though she didn't notice and didn't care, but that was the furthest one could get from the truth.

"C'mon, Rin," Iroha now said, grief in her voice as she spoke, holding Yuki's little hand in her own. "You can't just sit around all day."

Rin, seeing only one way to end this, made eye contact with Yuki, who stared back with that unreadable expression she always wore, and questioned, "Really? Do you want me to come, Yuki?"

Yuki nodded violently and stared at Rin. The blonde felt sick to her stomach as Yuki delicately spoke the first words she had since that incident. "I want you to come with us."

However, when Rin made a move to stand, Yuki habitually flinched. Rin froze, startled at how much pain that caused her, and then tried to play it off as though that was the reaction she'd been hoping for. "Right," she snorted. "You _really_ want me to come."

"I'm sorry!" Yuki said, her eyes teary as she stared at Rin. "I really didn't mean to! I want you to come, Rin! I really do! Please!"

"Go with your _mother_," Rin spat, unaware of the spite in her words as she dug her face back into the pillow. "Screw you both. Just leave me the hell alone."

There was silence for a moment before Iroha murmured, "Let's go, Yuki."

Once they were gone, Rin returned to her memories, thinking of Len over and over again. Well, Len, and all her friends who'd abandoned her long ago.

_Rin hated to admit how nervous she was as Len, sitting in a seat that wasn't her own after she'd chewed him out over it, stomached another bite of the lunch she'd brought him. He chewed thoughtfully and pondered it for a moment before stating, "You're getting better."_

"_That's all you have to offer, you jerk?" Aria questioned jokingly, grinning and prodding the boy playfully. "She did it all for you, you know. You should be a little nicer to your future wife."_

_Rin, who had already gone pink at Len's compliment, flushed a vibrant red and exclaimed, "Aria! Don't say things like that! He's my boyfriend, not my fiancé!"_

"_Ouch," cringed Len, placing a hand over his heart. "The sharp sting of rejection."_

_The redness spread to her ears now as she whipped her head around to face him. "W-what? Len, stop that! Don't encourage her!"_

"_It's your own fault, Rin," Iroha giggled. "You're the one who's being mean to him. Poor little guy."_

_Len nodded with a puppy-dog pout and thanked Iroha, scooching his seat closer to hers and further from Rin's. In response, Iroha hugged the boy and stroked his hair. "There there, Len. Rin's just a meanie."_

"_I'll marry Len if you won't," Aria agreed, getting up from her seat to join the group forming around him. Rin scowled at her friends._

"_You've got to appreciate what you've got, Rin, or you're going to lose him," agreed Rin's best friend, the only one who hadn't run over to Len, much to Rin's appreciation. "Hell, even I'd marry him."_

"_Ooh, be careful, Rin," Aria teased. "You've got competition."_

"_I think Len and I look better together than you two do," Iroha agreed. "You two look almost like siblings. It's kind of creepy, to be honest."_

"_That's because Rin and I are two halves of a whole," stated Len._

_Everyone went silent for a moment as Rin's steadily grew redder and redder. She swore, the heat rushing to her face was going to make her faint. However, her three other friends began laughing at his bravery after a moment, causing her tension to fade a little as she stared at them._

"_I guess we've got no chance, then," sighed Aria, pouting, as she took her seat beside him once more. "His heart is taken. We've lost him."_

"_You give up too easily," laughed the one beside Rin, slipping her arm around the blonde girl's shoulder. "I, for one, will not give up."_

"_He's my boyfriend, stupid," Rin said dryly, glaring at her good-naturedly. "Why are you always trying to steal my things?"_

"_Because you get all the best things," whined Iroha, sitting between Rin and Len pouting in the girl's face. "It's not our fault. It's hard not to be jealous."_

"_Please, ladies, there's enough of me to go around," Len said in a manly voice, resting his arms around Aria and Iroha. "I have no problems satisfying all of your needs at once."_

_Rin scowled at him and snapped, "Well, if that's how you feel, I'll stop making you lunch."_

_Len heaved a sigh of relief as Iroha and Aria giggled. "Thank goodness. I was wondering how much longer you'd be trying to poison me."_

_Rin flinched, actually hurt by his words despite his teasing tone. With a cold glare, she pushed her chair back and walked away. Her group of friends all watched her go, but only one followed, the one who cared the most for Rin out of all of them._

"I wish you'd just leave me alone," Rin mumbled into the sofa cushion, smelling Iroha's shampoo, which Rin herself refused to use. "I don't want you here. I don't want her here, either. I only want Len."

There was Yuki's smell, too, the sharp scent of apples, destroying the lingering scent of bananas that used to be there. Rin knew his scent, Len's scent, was still there. He knew that he was still there, with her, watching over her. He didn't want to be forgotten. No one ever wanted to be forgot. But she'd started forgetting him. She'd passed days without thinking of him, concerning herself only with Iroha and Yuki. He deserved better, so much better.

_As they walked home together that night, they stayed absolutely silent. Rin was still upset with him, and she was rather sure he knew it. She'd made it clear enough with that scowl glued to her face. She was even more upset that he'd ambushed her when she was leaving school to walk her home. Sure, they went in the same direction, but Rin had hung back for half an hour to go home alone, but he'd been leaning against her shoe locker, waiting. She had no way to get away without bumping into him._

_Rin gasped a little as she felt his hand take hers and tug her off the asphalt path, onto the lush green grass._

"_Len," she snapped, glaring at him. She wasn't in the mood for this. However, she had no choice. Len swiftly pulled her toward him. She lifted her hands, landing them on his chest, so that she could push away. But, when she did, her back hit a tree. Len placed a hand beside her head, against the tree's rough bark, and stared down at her. She couldn't help but lose her breath as those blue eyes stared down on her. She pretended that the pinkness on her cheeks didn't exist as she gazed up at him. Stubbornly, she muttered, "I'm not in the mood, Len."_

"_Look, I'm sorry."_

_Rin paused at his words, captivated by that firm yet gentle gaze of his. She felt her scowl waver a little as she sighed, exasperated, and remarked, "I'm listening."_

"_I took it too far," he repented. "I'm sorry."_

_And because those eyes were looking at her, Rin couldn't help but accept it. She murmured, averting her gaze to his feet, "So you'll eat the lunches I make without complaint?"_

"_Every day."_

"_And you'll stop being a jerk?"_

"_Well, there's only so much I can do about that, but I'll try."_

_Rin felt the redness spreading across her face as she delicately questioned, "You'll kiss me?"_

_It might not have been such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that Len had refrained from kissing her thus far, with a few tiny exceptions, but he'd never kissed her properly. Until now._

_She closed her eyes daintily as she saw that smile on his lips. He leaned down toward her. Her heart raced faster than she ever thought it could. She felt his warm breath brush her lips, and she parted them slightly._

_Then, the shadows of her eyes vanished and she felt him disappear. She opened her eyes swiftly to watch him spin around and take a few steps away, smirking. "Nope."_

"_You jerk!" Rin exclaimed indignantly, chasing after the boy and he laughed and took off._

Rin smiled at that memory, but the pain in her heart seemed only to worsen. She used her sleeve to brush tears from her gaze and murmured, "I'm so lonely, Len."

**Author's Note: You didn't really think Rin was going to be nice just like that, did you? No, she's far more stubborn than that. Aria is my name for IA. Yeah, I don't have much to say about this chapter because I might give away the story if I do. Hope you enjoyed it.**


	10. If It Was Her, then

**Author's Note: Important poll up, please vote for the story you want to see updated most often.**

Chapter Ten

If It Was Her, then . . .

"Yuki-chan, how are you?" Ring cheered as Yuki and Iroha entered the little café after school that day. Yuki smiled up at the friendly teenager, who paused the moment she saw those harsh scratches on Yuki's face and cried, "Oh dear, Yuki-chan, what happened?"

Yuki fell silent, unsure what to say as her smile fell. She looked to Iroha for help, and the woman promptly told the teenager, "She got caught up in a fight with that little friend of hers, Piko, and some boys." Yuki's eyes widened a little, startled by Iroha's lie. Len had always told her to never, ever lie. Iroha cast her a brief look of apology before smiling once more at their server.

"Poor Yuki-chan," crooned Ring, falling forward into Yuki's face to examine the child's wounds. Guilt wove its way around Yuki's heart as she saw that concern in Ring's eyes. How much worse would it be if she knew that it was a result of Rin's rage? Still, despite Rin's explosion, Yuki didn't want to leave her. She had to take care of her, for Len and for herself. Rin was her mother, too, even if she wasn't allowed to call her that. "You poor little sweetheart. This is what you get when you make friends with boys, you know? They don't get any wiser once you reach high school, either." The waitress giggled lightly and winked at Yuki as though she was sharing top-secret information or a joke only the two of them understood.

"I'm okay," Yuki insisted, smiling sweetly for the girl. Ring was so nice to her. It reminded Yuki a lot of Len. He did that winking thing, too, all the time, especially when talking about Rin. Those were the times when he lit up the most. "I wasn't supposed to get hurt. It wasn't on purpose." The lie felt rotten on her tongue, and she almost wanted to retract it. But she could never tell Ring, she simply couldn't She couldn't tell that girl of the look she'd seen in Rin's eyes and how she knew she was meant to be hurt far worse than this. She couldn't burden Ring with that, and, even more, she knew better than to risk letting anyone find out. She knew how easily her custody could be taken from Rin, and she knew that, even if Iroha adopted her, it would take so long for that to happen.

"Well, why don't you take a seat and we'll get you something sweet so that the scratches don't seem so bad, huh?" Ring wondered, smiling so cheerfully and she herded both Iroha and Yuki to the table where they usually sat, the one all the way in the back corner, beside the window on the right wall of the building. "We actually came up with a couple new recipes that we haven't added to the menu yet if you want to be our guinea pig." Ring's breezy giggle was interrupted by the shout of a young boy.

"Yuki!"

The three gathered around the table stopped to look toward the door, where Yuki's teacher stood with her brother by her side. Piko beamed at Yuki and broke his sister's hold on his hand, running over to the table and smiling as Yuki, who turned faintly pink in the cheeks. She could feel the waitress's smile as the older girl took note of this reaction and felt more blood flow to her cheeks.

"Hi, Piko," she said quietly, smiling at him but too busy worrying about being caught in the lie to return his joy properly. Still, having him with her helped her feel a little more at ease.

"Piko?" Ring wondered. Yuki flinched. Darn it, this wasn't going to go well. The bluette smiled from ear to ear at the young boy. "So you're her little friend?"

Piko smiled brightly at the teenager and stated, "Yeah, Yuki's my _best_ friend!"

The pink was steadily turning into a red as Yuki's eyes fell to her lap. "N-no, Neru's his best friend. We haven't known each other as long as he's known her."

Piko scowled at that and wondered, "Do you not like me or something?"

Her brown eyes flashed up to his face and she exclaimed vehemently, "That's not it at all! It's just that you and Neru and Haku know each other so well and you only just met me and—"

The white-haired boy wasn't listening to her, embarrassingly enough, so she shut up and stared at his contemplative look. However, she could only take the intensity of his heterochromic gaze for so long, and she soon looked back down to her dress. She jumped when his voice sounded once more.

"You're hurt."

"That's your own fault for getting her involved in your fights, you silly little boy," Ring chided with a gentle grin before Yuki could speak. As redness flood Yuki's cheeks and her heart skipped a beat, Ring cast her eyes back to the kitchen, hearing something that Yuki didn't, and called, "Yeah yeah, I'm coming!" She laughed a little and said to her customers, "Sorry, I've got to get back to work. I'll be back in a couple minutes for your order, Yuki-chan, okay?"

By this point, Ring didn't have to ask for Iroha's order. They came in so often that she had it memorized. However, Yuki had a habit of ordering something different each time. There were so many options on the menu, and she knew she'd regret it if she just stuck with one. She'd never been given options for food before, except for those times when Len or that other visitor would come by and take her out somewhere to eat. The other kids always got jealous, she remembered, and, though she knew she was lucky to have them taking care of her, she couldn't help but be stung by the fact that neither had offered until her eighth year to adopt her. The other visitor had only brought it up when Yuki mentioned Len's offer. She'd never thought about adopting Yuki before then, Yuki realized.

"Would you like to join us?" Iroha invited Miki.

"Mama," Yuki mumbled embarrassedly, swiftly cutting herself off when she realized that Piko might misunderstand. It wasn't that she didn't want Piko or Miki here – she was merely worried that questions of the cuts would come up. That, and that they'd discover Iroha's lie.

"If you wouldn't mind too terribly, we'd love to," Miki agreed with a wholehearted smile. "Piko hasn't shut up about Yuki all day, and I was hoping to speak to you for a little."

Piko jumped into the seat beside Yuki's without a second thought and grinned at her. "I was worried when you didn't come to school today."

Yuki smiled fragilely, grateful that he'd overlooked the obvious lie she'd told Ring. "Mama kept me home today. We went for walks and stuff. She said that I should take a break every once in a while." While that was all true, Yuki knew that the underlying reason was too allow the panic of the morning some time to settle before Yuki returned to school.

"Mama?" Miki wondered curiously, looking to Iroha for explanation. Yuki burned red again. Had she done something wrong? There was a trace of accusation in Miki's voice that she wasn't used to, and it frightened her a little.

"Miki," Piko hissed in warning. Yuki turned her gazed onto him, startled by the seriousness in his gaze as he glared at his sister.

Iroha tensed and gazed coolly back at Miki. "I'm her caretaker, as well."

"She doesn't refer to Rin that way too, does she?" Miki didn't seem threatening now, luckily enough, so Yuki had no idea why Iroha was bristling. She seemed merely curious, a thin trail of concern interweaving with that wonder.

"Rin's not much of a caretaker," Iroha said, careful now. She seemed to be stepping across a field of hidden mines, knowing one wrong, blind step would cost not only her life, but that of the people around her, as well. Yuki furrowed her brow, seeing no reason for Iroha to be so cautious. Miki was a kind woman; she'd never do anything that could hurt anyone.

Miki looked away and murmured, "I just don't want you to get any misconceptions. Please remember that Yuki is not and never will be your daughter."

"Miki!" exclaimed Piko, his eyes on Yuki as the young girl flinched, stunned. How could Miki be so cruel? Besides, Iroha could be her mother too, right? What was wrong with that?

Iroha glanced down at Yuki, eyes glinting in anger that the girl knew wasn't directed toward her. Still, her voice was sharp as a knife when she snapped, "Iroha, Piko, could you please leave us alone for a moment?"

"Yes, please," requested Miki painfully, still with a lifeless smile and hard eyes trained on Iroha.

"Miki, I told you not to!" Piko hissed once more, staring again at his sister while his hand held Yuki's.

"Piko," Miki snapped, her coolness dropping for that moment as she whipped her infuriated gaze to him. "Get. Out."

"Okay, kiddies, come with me."

With a gasp of shock from Yuki and an exclamation of protest from Piko, the children found themselves hoisted into the air by the surprisingly strong Ring, who ignored their wishes and carried them outside. She placed them on the bench that sat in from of the large window looking into the café. Piko glared viciously at her and exclaimed, "I need to stop her!"

"I'm sure she knows what she's doing," Ring said with an easy, patronizing smile. Yuki's eyes fell, awaiting Piko's anger to fade and for him to rat her out for lying earlier. "Your sister probably knows a lot more than you do, little guy." She said it kindly, but the way she had blocked him from passing back into the café made Yuki feel a tad threatened.

"Is Mama going to be okay?" Yuki heard herself whispering. Miki must have been doing something horrible for Piko to act out like that. Piko was a good boy. Miki had said it herself on many occasions, just as Iroha had.

"Do you know what she wanted to talk about?" Ring questioned Piko.

The boy's frown deepened pettily this time, his arms crossing over his chest as he stared stubbornly back and replied, "No, I don't, but I know someone came to our house to ask about Yuki and Rin."

Yuki jumped at the sound of her name and stared imploringly at Piko, barely able to find the words to form the question she desperately needed an answer for. "She asked about me? Why? Who was she?"

Piko tilted his head to the side, falling into deep concentration as he tried to recall. "I think her hair was green . . . ."

Yuki's heart skipped a beat and she pressed onward, "Green or teal?"

Piko thought more and then stated, "I think teal. Two long pieces."

Yuki slumped in her seat, closing her eyes and breathing out a weary sigh. "That's Miku then. She's the one who brought me here."

"Is that bad?" Piko wondered.

"I dunno," Yuki mumbled, disheartened and subconsciously reaching for the cuts left in Rin's rage. "I just know that she might take me back."


	11. If You Leave Me, I'll

Chapter Eleven

If You Leave Me, I'll . . .

They walked home in silence, and Iroha felt the heavy weight weighing down on them both. She looked down at the little girl who held her hand, but that child wasn't looking at her. Her crestfallen gaze was on the cement below her, watching the leaves blow gently in the wind, crinkling along the grey stone below. Iroha resisted the urge to sigh. She wished she could do that, too. She wished she could let her anguish show, like Yuki tried so hard not to, but she was meant to be the adult. She had to take care of Yuki, especially for Rin's sake. She knew Rin would regret it if she lost Yuki. It was the last tie she had to her fiancé.

"_Yuki isn't your daughter."_

"_I know she isn't, but she needs a mother."_

Why had Miki had to interfere? Iroha knew it was for the sake of both her and Yuki, but Iroha understood how things were. She knew Yuki wasn't her daughter. She was only Rin's. It wasn't even legal for them to both hold custody over the child.

"_Rin is her mother."_

"_Yes, she is, but a child who's been on her own for so long needs something more."_

Iroha's heart ached as she recalled that horror in Rin's eyes when the girl had awoken from that horrible nightmare, the name she'd murmured in terror. Iroha hadn't been prepared for it, not at all. Hearing Len's name, as painful as that always was, would have been better. She was happier with Rin thinking back on lost memories of her beloved than thinking of that person.

"_A woman named Hatsune Miku visited me the other day."_

"_Why?"_

Poor Rin. The world couldn't seem to stop coming after her. That girl had always been followed by such horrible heartache, right from birth. She'd had a twin. She'd told Iroha about it once, in one of her moments of terrifying weakness when she curled in on herself on confessed what was on her mind. She'd had a twin brother who'd died a birth. She'd never truly known him, but she could still feel the pain of that loss and constantly wondered how her life would have turned out if he had been born.

"_She wanted to be sure that Yuki was doing alright."_

"_And what did you tell her?"_

Would Rin ever find peace in this world? Iroha had done her best to help, but there was only so much that Rin would let her do. Iroha continued staring at the little girl. She'd hoped Yuki could help Rin heal. That was why she hadn't tried to explain to Miku that Rin couldn't take care of Yuki without Len. She'd drawn poor Yuki into this mess, too. How could she ever be forgiven for that?

"_I told her that she was doing fine at school, but I was worried about her relationship with Rin."_

"_Why would you say that? Don't you know that they could take Yuki away from her?"_

Iroha vividly recalled slamming her hands on the table and standing up to glare down at Miki, who'd remained calm as she stared sternly at the coral-haired woman. Even now, panic rippled through Iroha as she thought of that. She didn't want Yuki to be taken away from Rin, and not from herself, either.

"_She said there's someone else who had expressed a desire to adopt Yuki, who had a little boy of her own so that Yuki wouldn't be alone. If I'm being perfectly honest, I think Yuki would be better off with someone else."_

"_Yuki is the only thing Rin has! Don't you understand that? She just lost her fiancé! Of course she's bound to be a little unresponsive, but she's doing her best!"_

Yuki's hand tightened its grip on Iroha's. The woman wondered what it was that Yuki was thinking of. Whatever it was, the girl looked panicked and troubled. Iroha wanted to ask her, but she was too caught up in her own troubles for that moment.

"_You have to realize, Iroha, that my responsibility is to be sure that Yuki is being properly cared for. It's the same for Miku. She's a little girl, and she needs someone to care for her. She needs parents."_

"_And what about Piko, huh? Where are his parents?"_

Iroha pulled Yuki into the park, feeling the need to stop and take a breather. She took a seat on a bench, lifting Yuki up beside her, and stared at the girl that still refused to meet her gaze. That poor girl had been through so much in just nine years. Perhaps she truly was a perfect match for Rin, after all. Iroha hadn't known Rin at that age, so she wasn't certain if Rin had been such a martyr as Yuki, but she knew that, in middle school, none of Rin's pain ever showed. It wasn't until she lost Len that she finally broke.

"_You can think me a hypocrite as much as you want, but I'm the only one there for Piko. No one else will take him in, but there's someone who will take Yuki in in a heartbeat. And, before you try to argue moving her again, I'm told that she'd still be going to this school. The boy who would become her brother is already attending our school in the kindergarten class."_

"_Still, moving Yuki away from the home she's grown accustomed to would just be cruel! Do you have any idea how lost she'd feel, how abandoned? If we gave up on her so quickly after taking her in, how would that affect her?"_

Iroha wanted to hug that young girl, draw her close and whisper that everything was going to be okay. Yuki had no idea that this threat loomed, however. If Iroha mentioned it, she'd do nothing but worry the poor child, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Still, the yearning tugged on her heart as she stared at Yuki, tears pricking her eyes.

"_Have you stopped to think about the side-effects of living in an abusive home that Yuki might have? I can see those cuts, Yuki, and I know they weren't from you or her classmates."_

"_Look, just stay out of our business and let me take care of her."_

Yuki looked up at her then, her deep brown eyes asking a billion questions as her lips hesitantly formed words. Miki's last words rang through Iroha's words, the last words she'd heard before storming out.

"_Is it you who'll be caring for Yuki, then, or Rin?"_

"Mama?"

Iroha jumped at the sound of Yuki's voice and placed a smile on her lips before looking down on those big doe eyes. "Yes, sweetheart?"

Yuki stared at her imploringly for a moment, opening her mouth as though to speak before closing it and looking down. Then, clutching onto the fabric of Iroha's pant, she stared bravely up at the woman and wondered, "Is Miku going to take me back? Did she tell Miss Utatane that?"

Iroha wasn't sure why she asked, "How did you know about that?"

"Piko told me that she went to their house," said Yuki, her eyes beginning to tear up as her strength wavered. "Are they going to take me away, Mama?"

Iroha froze at the horror in Yuki's eyes, thinking of Rin that morning and of Miki's words. Realization dawned on Iroha as she was forced to understand Miki's words, no matter how much she wished she didn't. A child shouldn't have had to face Rin's rage. A child shouldn't have been placed in the care of a woman who couldn't even take care of herself. That was what Yuki was: a child. She was a mature little girl, for sure, but she needed stability in her life, and Rin was anything but stable. Perhaps it would be best for her to be with that other person, the one who already had a child. Quietly, softly, Iroha questioned, "But wouldn't that be okay? You could still go to school with Piko and Haku and Neru, and you could have a little brother."

"I don't want a brother!" Panic flashed in Yuki's eyes as she pulled herself up, into Iroha's face. She hadn't gotten the answer or the reassurance she wanted, but Iroha knew that she had to go through with this. "Is Miku going to take me away?"

"You can't be happy living with Rin and I," Iroha argued, hating herself for doing it but knowing that Yuki deserved better. Iroha was the adult. Yuki had to come first, even before Rin. "You should be with a proper family."

"But she's Len's fiancée!" exclaimed Yuki, shaking Iroha by the shoulders with amazing force. Her breathing was coming in sharps intakes as panic flared harsher and harsher in those brown eyes. "I want to be with you and Rin, not some random person! Len talked about her all the time! I have to make it up to him! I have to make her better for him!"

"Yuki, calm down," requested Iroha, forcing herself to stay absolutely still and as calm as she could manage even though seeing Yuki so terrified made her want to cry herself.

"Do you not want me, either?" the girl questioned, verging on hysteric now as those brown eyes bore into Iroha's yellow ones. "You don't want me, do you? You're like my real parents. They didn't want me, either, and now you don't. Why? Why don't you want me?"

"Yuki, I _do_ want you," whispered Iroha, wanting desperately to hold on to the girl and console her, but a part of her said not to. Yuki was always quiet, holding herself carefully together. Everyone needed to break once in a while, even a child, right? And this poor girl had been through so much.

"You don't!" shouted Yuki, pushing herself sharply away from the woman and stumbling to her feet off the bench. Eyes shut and arms clenched tightly to her sides, she shouted, "You don't want me! I'm just a burden! I took over your room, took over your life! You were already helping Rin out, and then I came along and made it even harder! You want to get rid of me, pawn me off to the first person who offers!"

"Yuki, letting you go is the last thing I want to do," interrupted Iroha, but she couldn't get much more than that in between Yuki's explosions.

"Len was the only one who ever wanted me, and now he's dead! The only thing I can do for him is help Rin, but you won't let me do that! I can't do that if you give me back to Miku! I can't do that with that other person and some stupid little brother! I need to be with her; I need to help her! If I don't help her, he'll never forgive me!"

The little girl's shoulders were shuddering as she broke off there and slumped on the ground, hiding her face in between her knees and stomach as she broke into sobs. Iroha rushed onto her knees by the girl and hugged her weeping form to her chest. She made soft noises meant to soothe the girl, doing all she could think of to calm her down. She stroked the girl's hair that still lay loose from this morning, stroked her back, kissed her head, but nothing could calm the girl.

"I'm so sorry, Yuki," Iroha whispered, heartbroken as she watched that girl fall apart. She'd meant to let the girl let of steam, not to shatter her. "I'm so sorry. We're not letting Miku take you back, okay? I'll do everything I can to keep you with us, okay? I love you, Yuki. You're not a burden. I love you too much for you to even have to consider that."

Then, through Yuki's sobs, Iroha heard the girl murmur, "It's my fault Len's dead. She'll never forgive me."

**Author's Note: Poor Yuki was definitely due for a breakdown, especially with the burden she's been carrying. And I'm adding Iroha's view in here because she's there just as often as Yuki and Rin so I thought it fair. Anyway, this won the poll, so it'll be updated nearly every weekday until complete. Please keep supporting me and review if you have the chance because getting feedback always inspires me to write more. Thank you, everyone!**


	12. I'll Stay with Her, if

Chapter Twelve

I'll Stay with Her, if . . . .

It was always the worst when she went to sleep.

It had nothing to do with impending nightmares, though it did have something to do with going to sleep without him. Still, going to sleep without him wasn't the worst part. The worst part was the thought of waking up without him, knowing that, the next day, things wouldn't be better. He'd still be gone, nowhere to be found. She'd still be alone, living in this house with her fiancé's childhood friend and an adoptive daughter that she wanted nothing to do with. The simple idea of going through another day without him was sometimes so crippling that she'd stay up all night, praying that the next morning would never come, that life would stop going on without him, that she'd never have to spend a single moment yearning for his presence again. She withered in his absence, becoming a misshapen version of what she'd been with him. Even if he were to come back now, would he recognize her? Of course he would. He was wonderful enough that he'd remember her even if she had metamorphosed into a crinkled autumn leaf. She, on the other hand, might not recognize him in a crowd even if he hadn't changed a bit. Didn't he deserve better than that?

If he came to her now, what would he say? How would he react to the horrible way she'd treated the daughter he'd left behind for her? She wanted nothing to do with girl, though. She doubted she ever would. That girl would be a constant reminder of the life she was meant to have, the life she and Len might have shared had his death not been brought in such an untimely manner. That girl would forever be a symbol of the injustice of the world, and Rin would never be able to see past it.

If Len could tell her just one thing right now, however, she feared that that one most important thing to say would no longer be 'I love you'.

. . .

"Shut up!" Rin screeched, slamming her hands so tightly against her ears that it made her head pound, but she could still hear that voice calling her name. Tears pricked her eyes as she shouted once more, "Shut up! Leave me alone! Stay away from me!"

"Rin?" It was a different voice this time, one that made Rin's heart skip a beat as hope lifted her spirits for just a moment. Her eyes opened for just a moment before she caught sight of pink hair and remembered that Len was long gone, that Iroha's voice was only reminiscent of his. Still, she needed someone right now, and, even though she hated the woman an equal amount, she loved Iroha so much.

"I can hear it," Rin said brokenly, trying to explain it to her guardian. "Make it go away, Iroha, please. I can still remember what it sounds like, that laugh. Make it go away. Len always made it go away, but he's not here anymore."

She heard a sharp sob come from a younger voice, probably Yuki's, and then the rapid footsteps of a child dashing toward her room and slamming the door shut as Iroha called after her. Rin was horrified for a moment when she realized that Iroha might run after the child and leave her here alone.

"Iroha, help me," she begged, squeezing her hands tighter against her ears as though trying to break through her skull and into her brain to rip out whatever part made sounds make sense.

She felt hands gently come around her, stroking her hair gently with one while the other came to rest on her back. The woman's body warmed against Rin's as Rin tried to ignore the voice echoing in her ears, painful memories surfacing. Iroha murmured gently, "When did it start?"

"I want gin," Rin hiccupped, forcing something to come out. She knew how to guilt Iroha, and she knew that, right now, there was only one thing that would drown both the memories and the pain of Len's absence. "It never happens when I'm wasted, Iroha. Please get me something strong." She made her voice as pitiful as she possibly could. "Please help me."

"I highly doubt Len gave you alcohol when this happened," snapped Iroha. Her impatience startled Rin so much that the blonde woman jerked backward, her hands falling to her sides as she stared at Iroha. The other woman stared sternly back, crouched before her in the kitchen when Rin had fallen earlier. "When did it start this time?"

Rin's bottom lip quivered as she stopped herself from crying, feeling so weak and powerless when Iroha refused to be manipulated. "I found a note in the cookbook."

Iroha froze, probably noticing now the scent of Rin's cooking drifting from the stovetop she'd fallen before. Iroha's brow furrowed at she wondered, "You were cooking? Why?"

Rin paused, not wishing to tell the woman of the realization she'd had earlier. Something about saying it aloud made it way too real. She stared at Iroha, a million doubts running through her head. Instead of telling the truth, she replied, "I didn't know if you'd be home today."

Iroha's eyes were yellow stones as she searched Rin's gaze for a silent moment. Rin stared back, not comprehending what Iroha wanted from her. Then, the woman remarked, "You see? You don't need alcohol to make it go away." Rin flinched, knowing her roommate was right. No artificial sounds echoed in her ears now as Iroha pulled herself up from the ground and said coldly, "Well, now I have to go be an adult since you refuse to do so."

With a vicious glare that Rin most certainly wasn't used to getting from her roommate, Iroha made her way out of the kitchen and into Yuki's room. Rin stayed still for a few moments, terrified by this change of pace, before wiping tears away and standing up once more to resume her cooking. She stared at the cookbook. A black blotch of Sharpie marker now covered the note that had been left there, scrawling also over a now incomprehensible part of the recipe. After a silent moment, Rin drew in a shuddering breath and resumed cooking.

. . .

Rin stayed home from work the next day, and Iroha remained cold even that morning. Rin felt herself shrinking back when the woman would walk by. She had no idea what had brought this change in Iroha, but it terrified her. She had no idea what she would do without Iroha, and if Iroha lost patience in her just as Aria had, what would she do?

Rin fought back the yearning to go outside, to the store, to buy a drink. She clutched her knees tightly to her chest and huddled on the couch, watching the television drone on and on. She didn't think about much all day; thinking only made things more complicated. It was easier not to think, as drinking had proven, but she had to prove that she could do it herself.

She didn't notice when Iroha and Yuki got home. She probably never would have if she hadn't felt the familiar presence of Yuki as the girl stared at her, lingering nearby but not brave enough to interrupt the thoughts she imagined running through Rin's head. At first, Rin thought to snap at her, but she felt too tired to do so, so she merely looked to the girl and wondered, "What is it?"

Yuki jumped, startled, and then jerked her arms straight out toward Rin. Rin eyed the package of papers being offered to her questioningly, looking to Yuki once more and refusing to take them without explanation. The little girl mumbled something that Rin couldn't make out, so the blonde requested, not too harshly, "Speak up. I have no idea what you're saying."

Yuki jumped, and words began tumbling out of her mouth in a rapid stream that Rin could barely keep up with. "I asked Miss Utatane to help me do some research and she let me print some things off that I thought would help you. I looked up on her computer what you're supposed to do when you start hearing voices, and I don't know if it'll actually be helpful or if you want them or anything. I-if you don't want them, I can just go throw them out, okay? I just thought that, maybe, the might help you out so I . . . ." She seemed to run out of words there, so she looked away and shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. Rin stared at the girl, stunned. Why did she care so much? All Rin had done since she'd gotten here was treat her horribly.

Yuki squeaked involuntarily as Rin snatched the papers from her hand. Rin tried not to flinch as the child did, knowing that it was her own fault that Yuki was afraid of her. She grumbled a swift thanks before looking back to the television. She knew the papers would be of no help to her. The voices she heard were memories. Still, she felt Yuki still lingering, watching her, so she turned her eyes down to the pages and began to study them, skimming over words while pretending to soak them in. She saw Yuki's smile in her peripheral vision before the girl vanished into the kitchen, where Iroha was cooking something or other.

Rin let out a long sigh and, knowing she wouldn't be heard over the popping of cooking oil on the stovetop, murmured to Len, "Okay, you win. I'll keep her. I don't want her yet, Len, but I'll try to. I still want you, though."

**Author's Note: Sorry it's short, but adding filler would take away from the point of the chapter.**


	13. If You're Here, Does That Mean

Chapter Thirteen

If You're Here, Does That Mean . . . .

"Okay, Yuki, let's go to school," chirped Iroha, thrusting the bento into the child's hands once the little girl had shrugged her backpack over her shoulders. She paused, confused, and looked at Iroha with questioning eyes. She'd thought it odd that Iroha hadn't left for work at her usual time, of course, but Rin was the one who walked her to school.

"Rin?" Yuki didn't bother formulating a full sentence.

Iroha's smile grew tenser as she replied, "I'll walk you to school today, okay? Rin won't be able to take you to school in the mornings anymore, so I'm going to bring you myself, okay?"

Yuki frowned a little, slightly annoyed by Iroha's patronizing tone. She didn't have to sugarcoat it. Why didn't she just say straight out that Rin didn't want to walk her to school and she'd given up trying to convince her?

In any case, Yuki exited the apartment without another word. She was earlier than usual today, it seemed. She'd have a good half hour before school started if she left now. She considered telling Iroha this, but, judging by the way the woman had been rushing her all morning, Iroha still had to get to work as fast as possible, and Yuki felt bad enough about making Iroha go in late.

Yuki nearly let out a shriek as she felt arms wrap around her stomach and a chin drop onto her shoulder, stopping herself just in time as a voice she recognized immediately said, "Hey, Yuki. What're you doing here?"

Yuki nearly let out a sigh of relief upon recognizing who it was. She grinned broadly and wondered, "What are you doing here, Neru?"

The golden-haired girl released her friend and spun her around with a sharp jerk. Neru was more awake in the morning than Yuki expected. From what Haku recounted in their earlier days, Yuki had always imagined Neru as being the farthest thing from a morning person as possible. "Lily and I stayed over with Piko and Miss Utatane last night. What about you?"

Yuki laughed, instantly encouraged by Neru's energy, and pointed toward the door to Rin's apartment. "I live here."

Neru's eyes widened in shock and she whipped around to exclaim, "Piko, you idiot! Why didn't you tell me you lived in the same apartment as Yuki? We could've come over and visited afterschool!"

Yuki's heart skipped a beat as she glanced around Neru to see Piko, Lily, and Miki standing in the hallway, slowly approaching. Neru must have run ahead of them upon seeing Yuki. The quieter girl opened her mouth to say something to Piko, colour slowly flowing to her cheeks when she realized that she had no idea what to say. He grinned broadly at her, seeming to have forgotten yesterday already, and greeted, "G'morning, Yuki. Wanna walk to school with us?"

Yuki looked to Iroha, wanting to say yes but deciding to check in first. Iroha wasn't looking at her, though, and a deep scowl had carved itself onto her face. Her yellow eyes stared evenly at Miki, who stared back with a gaze that was simultaneously soft and firm. Yuki hesitantly wondered, "Mama?"

Iroha didn't have a chance to answer, though, and Yuki barely had time to let out a squeal of shock when she felt herself being lifted into the air. She squeaked when she felt herself fall a little, but then she felt herself grow sturdy against someone's shoulders. As she looked down, startled, on blonde hair, she thought first of Len. Then, a voice came.

"We're going together, actually," Rin said, only a slight trace of coldness in her voice. "Yuki, Iroha, and I. I'm sure you'll be fine without us."

"You suck," snapped Neru, glaring up at Rin with flashing yellow eyes.

"Move it, twerp," Rin growled in response, probably trying to scare the child, but Neru was much too strong to be frightened by Rin's harsh words.

"I wanna walk with Yuki!" Neru argued, scowling viciously as she continued glaring up at Rin. Yuki wanted to laugh at how little Neru looked from up on Rin's shoulders, but she was still too stunned. Len had done this all the time, but Yuki couldn't remember Rin ever making so much contact with her before.

"Well that's too bad," retorted Rin. Yuki squealed a little as she felt Rin move, reaching her hands to grip tightly to the fabric of Rin's shirt. "C'mon, Iroha."

Yuki couldn't see Miki as the woman spoke, but she could feel the tension rising in Rin's shoulders. "You know, I could walk Yuki to school in the mornings. It's really no trouble."

Rin didn't turn, so Yuki craned her head around to look for Miki's reaction as Rin stated, "That won't be needed. She's my daughter, not yours."

Yuki paused, no longer registering her teacher's reaction. Had she heard Rin properly? Her daughter? A smile lit Yuki's face, and her heart started doing little flips. She tried to tell herself not to think too much of it, not to get her hopes up, but she couldn't help it.

"Geez, how much do you weigh, Yuki?" questioned Rin, shifting Yuki around to try to get her into a more comfortable position. Yuki felt that joy fade for a moment as redness flooded her cheeks.

"S-seventy-eight apples," she hurriedly replied. Actually, she weighed as much as eighty-six apples, but Piko was listening. It was too embarrassing to say how much she weighed in front of him.

"What kind of screwed up weighing is that?" scoffed Rin as she began to walk down the stairs. Yuki tightening her grip on Rin, imagining what would happen if Rin tripped. Colour fled immediately from her face. "Where in the world did you get seventy-eight apples?"

"C-careful," Yuki stuttered as the horrific images continued racing through her head.

"Rin, what the hell do you think you're doing?" exclaimed Iroha. Yuki craned her head around once more to watch the woman run toward them, stopping uncertainly when she approached Rin. The blonde woman stopped and stared at her, tilting her head gently to the side so as to prevent Yuki from falling.

"We're going to school," remarked Rin casually.

"What's with the sudden personality shift?" questioned Iroha, seeming a little flustered and frustrated. Yuki couldn't blame her. Honestly, a part of her was expecting Rin to just suddenly drop her, but she clung to the hope that, maybe, just maybe, the Rin that Len had loved still existed. "Just yesterday, you were—"

"Miku came by when you were out yesterday."

Yuki froze, her stomach dropping as dizziness settled in. So the woman who'd gone to Piko's really had been Miku, then. She really might be taken away.

"And then Kiyoteru dropped by," she added, causing thoughts of Miku to vanish for the moment. Yuki recognized the name of Len's father. She gazed curiously at Rin, but she couldn't see the woman's face properly from this angle, so she had no idea what Rin was thinking. The thought of whether or not Rin would be able to keep holding her up absently tickled the back of Yuki's mind, but she knew now wasn't the time to mention it.

"I called him," Iroha supplied after a moment of silence, "and asked him to come see you."

"We talked," Rin went on, beginning to walk once more. Yuki was still incredibly worried that her weight was too much for Rin to handle; she was nine years old, after all. It couldn't have been normal for a parent to carry a nine-year-old like that. "He helped me sort through some stuff, and he went to talk to Miku."

It was silent for a little longer. "And?"

Rin stared forward for a moment before stating, "If Len could see me right now, he'd be crying, and not in joy after finally seeing me again. He'd be sad. He wouldn't be in love with this version of me."

"If he can't love you past your faults, he doesn't deserve you." Yuki wasn't sure if the trace of bitterness in Iroha's voice was just a figment of her imagination or not.

Yuki couldn't help but ask now, "Rin, can I come down? I don't want to fall."

Yuki was rather sure that Rin and Iroha had forgotten she was there because they both fell absolutely silent as Rin paused in her walking. Then, she stooped down and allowed Yuki to clamber onto the safety of the ground. Yuki wondered immediately if she'd been wrong to do so. After all, Rin had been trying to be nice, hadn't she? Had Yuki just walked all over that kind deed?

"I-I'm sorry," Yuki stammered quickly, bowing slightly. "It's just that I was worried that you might not be able to carry me or something, and I didn't want you to hurt yourself, so I just figured . . . ."

She stopped when Rin placed a hand on her head, giving her a little pat. "Calm down, kid. It's fine, alright?"

"R-really?" Yuki wondered, filled with remorse now. What if Rin was actually offended? Yuki should have thought before she'd spoken.

"Come on, you two," beckoned Iroha, who had walked ahead but stopped now to look back at them. "It's going to look bad if the others beat us there."

Yuki looked up at Rin, who smiled hesitantly. She cast a huge grin in return, unable to believe the change in Rin. A part of her still warned her to be careful, but how could she worry when she'd finally made progress with Rin? She was certain that this side of Rin was the one Len had known, the one he had loved. She'd help Rin, to make it up to Len.

After all, it was still her fault that he was dead.

. . .

"Yuki's mom sucks," Neru told Haku during the lunch period. Yuki looked up from the lunch Piko was busy stealing from to gaze curiously at Neru. "She wouldn't let Yuki walk to school with Piko and I."

"You three were going to walk to school together?" Haku wondered, tears filling her red eyes as gloom settled upon her once more. She was a total crybaby who was set off by the tiniest things, Yuki had come to acknowledge. "What about me?"

"Oh, shut up, you crybaby," snapped Neru, sniping an octopus sausage from Yuki's bento as she did. Yuki considered protesting, but it had become natural for Piko and Neru to dig through her bento. They shared theirs, too, so at least it was a fair trade, though she'd rather have been eating the bento of Rin's leftovers from last night, instead. "You weren't there. Lily and Miss Utatane just happened to be together yesterday, and Piko and Yuki live in the same building."

Haku's sullen gaze fell to the table as she whispered, "I still would've liked to have been invited. I had to come to school all alone."

"Well, we didn't end up walking together, so just shut up," groaned Neru, scowling deeply at she gave up on snatching a particularly slippery sausage and speared it through with her chopsticks. Yuki cringed at the inappropriate use of cutlery but resisted the urge to stop, feeling that to be too impolite.

"Yuki," called Miss Utatane. Yuki perked up and tossed her gaze over to the teacher, who beckoned her forth. Yuki quickly excused herself from the table and rushed over to the teacher, turning her inquisitive gaze up to the redhead.

"Yes, Miss Utatane?" she wondered.

"Miss Akita was wondering if you could help her out," the teacher said. "Once you're finished lunch, do you think you could go see her?"

Yuki blinked, not quite understanding. "Why me?"

Miki smiled kindly and said, "You just have a natural charisma, Yuki, that she thought might help her out."

Yuki still didn't understand what Miki meant, but she nodded all the same before returning to her table to find Haku struggling to fend off Neru and Piko as they dug through the abandoned lunch.


	14. If We Were Still in School, then

Chapter Fourteen

If We Were Still in School, then . . .

"_Len, you jerk!" Iroha exclaimed, slamming the classroom door open, huffing and puffing as her bag dangled from her arm. She glared viciously at the boy who'd looked to her with an amused grin. Infuriated and ignoring all the gazes on her, she stormed right up to him and opened her mouth to shout louder, but he cut her off before she could._

"_Geez, Iroha, you're almost late," he scolded with a heavy sigh, smiling all the while. "What happened to your hair, by the way?"_

_Iroha hurriedly ran her hand through her knotted hair and snapped, "That's because I had to run here because you snuck out the bathroom window!"_

_Len tilted his head to the side with that same playful grin. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Iroha."_

_Iroha felt like she might burst. He was simply unbelievable. Ever since they'd entered middle school, she'd been coming to wake him up for school each morning after discovering that he was unlikely to wake up on time otherwise since his parents both left for work early in the morning. Then, this morning, as she'd been waiting for him, he'd gone into the bathroom and snuck out the window. It wasn't like this was the first time he'd done something like this, either. He just _loved_ to mess with her._

"_You're terrible, Len!" she huffed, scowling at him and plopping down into her own seat, which rested next to his. Only then did she notice Rin in the seat behind him, staring at her in shock. Iroha felt herself go beet red. The third day of their first year of high school and she'd already terrified a classmate. She laughed hesitantly and tried kindly, "Sorry, my name's Nekomura Iroha. What's yours?"_

"_Kagamine Rin," the girl said with a hesitant smile in return. "Nice to meet you."_

_Iroha cast Len a glare for letting her embarrass herself, but he simply shook it off with a light smile and continued in his conversation with Rin._

"What?" snapped Rin, glaring at Iroha and dragging her out of her thoughts. Iroha jumped. She hadn't noticed that she'd been staring at Rin. Embarrassment faintly coloured her cheeks.

"I was just thinking about when we first met," Iroha remarked, looking away timidly. "Do you remember?"

Rin snorted. "How could I not? You scared the hell out of everyone when you came in shouting like that." She absently picked at a loose thread on her sleeve as she and Iroha waited outside the school gates for Yuki to be let out. "And then there's the rumours about you and Len, of course."

Iroha stuck her tongue out in distaste. She remembered that. Everyone had believed that she and Len were a couple for weeks, as though she'd even consider dating him. Even after that, she was constantly asked if she had any interest in Len, which she most certainly didn't. Childhood friends didn't _always_ fall in love, she'd told them. Not that anyone had listened. "That was a dark time in my life," she muttered, sighing heartily. Silence fell when Rin offered no response, so Iroha questioned, "Are you sure you don't want to go home? I can walk her home myself, and I was planning on taking her to that café."

Rin refused to meet Iroha's gaze as she repeated, "Yuki is my daughter, so it's my responsibility."

Iroha glanced away and smiled. "I see. That's good of you, Rin." Rin merely snorted in response, so silence fell between them. After a moment, Iroha wondered, "How much do you remember about high school, Rin?"

Rin's hand fluttered upward as she daintily pressed her fingertips against the fabric covering her chest. All she said in response was, "Too much."

Iroha knew she should have shut up and let Rin be, but this was the first time she'd managed a genuine conversation out of Rin since Len's death. So, she remarked idly, "I was thinking of getting in contact with Aria again."

Rin barked a dark laugh, her response instantaneous. "I wouldn't bother. She hates me. You were off in America for some conference when she was taking care of me, remember? Well, I said some pretty horrid things to her, things I'd been too cowardly to say before. I probably couldn't repeat them to her even now."

Iroha couldn't help but wonder what she could have said to have angered the ever-friendly Aria, but she kept her mouth shut. "Alright, I won't then."

Rin eyed her cautiously, evidently waiting for her to say something more, but Iroha knew that what she meant was implied. So, Rin continued with, "I don't need you here, Iroha. You can go."

Iroha's breath unintentionally hitched, her amber eyes widening as she looked to Rin. Was she insane? Did she really think she was fine without Iroha now? Bringing Yuki to school _once_ when that was already her responsibility didn't cut it. There was no way Iroha was going to leave when both Rin and Yuki evidently needed her. "You're an idiot, Rin. I'm here for Yuki too, you know."

Rin sighed and cast Iroha a withering look. "I didn't mean like that. I mean right now. I can bring Yuki home by myself."

Iroha's tension faded to embarrassment. Of course. Rin may have stated that Yuki was her daughter, but it wasn't clear if she truly meant it yet. She still needed Iroha, so it was alright for Iroha to stay by her side, right? "Oh. Well, I still want to pick Yuki up, so that's too bad for you."

Rin raised a brow, unimpressed. "You're pretty harsh lately."

Iroha stuck out her tongue like an overgrown child. It was a habit she'd kept from childhood. Len would always tease her and say stupid things, so she'd stick her tongue out at him, even if the strange boy had started playing a game to see if he could catch her tongue after a while. He had, a couple times, but that just made her want to stick her tongue out at him more. "What can I say, Rin? You bring out the best in me, I guess."

And then, to Iroha's shock, the faintest of smiles found its way to Rin's lips. Iroha froze, afraid to move or say anything that might chase away that amused look in Rin's eye. "I wish I could say the same," she remarked dryly, the dark humour in her voice less painful to Iroha's ears as she laid her focus on that smile.

Slowly, Iroha forced out natural-sounding words. "So are you going to cook for us tonight, hm?" She placed a playful smile on her own lips, her eyes sparkling with mirth. It felt a little like high school now, just a little.

Rin smirked and cautioned, "I might accidentally poison you, though. Fair warning." Then, she looked innocently away and stated, "Well, maybe it won't be an accident, but either way."

Iroha laughed with an indignant tone and exclaimed, "You jerk! What have I done?"

"You know what you've done." That smile on Rin's face was truly priceless. Iroha's heart raced as she stared at the other woman, and she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around Rin and cry out her joys to the heavens. She knew better, though, because, the moment she mentioned it, she was sure that smile of Rin's would slip.

"Care to share, then, because I can't remember a thing," she retorted haughtily, laughing joyously as she stared back at Rin, offering a challenge. Rin grinned in return, looking so much like she used to that Iroha could almost imagine that Len was there, even though he was as far as he could possibly be.

Rin leaned in close to Iroha's face. Iroha was unsure what to do in this proximity, with Rin's blue eyes only inches from her own yellow ones. "You just reek of trouble, Iroha, with that crazy hair of yours."

"Because bright yellow is a very naturally-found colour," Iroha scoffed in response, smiling at Rin.

"Better than pink," volleyed Rin.

Iroha stared back at Rin, refusing to back down despite Rin looming over her. "At least you can tell I'm a girl with my hair. Yours is shorter than a boys'."

Rin gasped in shock and drew back, covering her mouth with a delicate hand. "You're a girl? !"

Iroha let out a cry of amused outrage. "You jerk!"

"Hey, lady!" came a cry that caused both Iroha and Rin to pause in their games to stare at the source. Iroha couldn't help but feel disappointed. It had been going so well. She missed being like this with Rin, or even with Len. She felt a little cheated that her time had been cut short. The source was a little girl with blonde hair sloppily falling from one side ponytail, her yellow eyes blazing with a challenge. "I have a bone to pick with you!"

"What kind of nine-year-old says that?" mumbled Rin, faintly amused as she watched the child come toward her. Iroha cast a glance at the pair of children, Neru and Haku, before focusing her attention on Rin again.

"Neru, stop, please," requested Haku, clinging desperately to the yellow-haired child as she was dragged along. "You're so mean."

"I want to come over and play!" Neru shouted to Rin upon arrival, pointing up at Rin as Haku desperately tried to bring that hand back down. "Invite me!"

Rin raised an eyebrow as she stared down at the child. "And why on earth would I do that?"

"Because I'm Yuki's best friend and I said so!"

Iroha caught a chance to try to bring Rin's playful mood back and piped up, "Actually, Piko is Yuki's best friend. He said so."

Neru scowled deeply, allowing Haku to pull her hand down as she turned her gaze onto Iroha. "Well Piko's a stupidhead." Then, she turned her glare back to Rin, drawing her arm up to point once more as Haku let out a despairing cry. "And you should get her a cellphone, too, so we can text!"

"What's a child going to do with a phone?" Rin questioned. She didn't seem as amused anymore, her smile gone, but she still hadn't fallen into a foul mood.

Neru looked at her like she was an idiot. ". . . Text."

"When I was a kid, we used our imaginations."

"I'm not a kid!"

Iroha smiled when she saw amusement flicker in Rin's eyes, though the smile refused to resurface. "As soon as you can pay for a texting plan, I'll stop calling you a child."

Neru scowled, her only response being a grumbled, "_You're_ a child."

Rin barked a laugh. "Clever."

Neru scowled and was prepared to retort, but Haku interrupted with, "Miss Utatane told us to tell you that Yuki's going to be a little late because she's with Neru's big sister."

"Don't interrupt me!" exclaimed Neru, jumping on Haku as the girl fell to the ground with a screech, pinned down by Neru. Iroha smiled, reminded of doing such things with Len. Even after growing up, they'd continued doing that. She remembered how jealous she'd been the first time he'd done the same thing to Rin.

Iroha paused. If she was remembering that, could Rin be, too? The pain in Rin's gaze when Iroha looked back at her told her that she was, and there was nothing Iroha wanted more than to take her far away from here and hide her from anything that would ever remind her of the past again.


	15. I Have to Let the Past Go, Or Else

Chapter Fifteen

I Have to Let the Past Go, Or Else . . .

Her heart ached so much watching the children play that she thought she might suffocate.

Watching them was painful, but, still, she couldn't pull her gaze away. Thoughts of Len rippled through her mind, rising for a moment before falling away and being replaced by another. She thought of his sweet smile, the kind way that he cared for her. It was painful, oh so painful, to remember that he wasn't here with her, that he never would be again.

In a moment of weakness, she felt herself reach out. She knew it wouldn't be his hand that took hers, but that was alright. She refused to look at the woman standing next to her, tried not to let her desperate need for her warmth show in her gaze that stayed stubbornly locked on the children, but she couldn't stop the tension from releasing her shoulders and let herself loosen a tad when Iroha's hand took her and gave it a small squeeze. Was Iroha remembering him, too? Did she feel this kind of pain when she thought of Len?

Rin froze. For the first time, that thought entered her mind. Iroha had loved Len, too. Len had been her best friend since they were little children. Still, ever since the funeral, Rin hadn't seen Iroha shed a single tear. She knew Iroha, though. Iroha was the greatest crybaby there was. She'd cried for weeks on end after her cat's death back in their last year of high school. Surely the pain she felt for Len's loss would have been incapacitating. And, yet, despite Iroha having been with her right since Len's death, Rin had never seen the woman cry.

Guilt crashed down on her like a tidal wave. Iroha hadn't cried for Rin's sake. In Rin's state, she'd needed someone strong to be there for her, and, so, Iroha had never cried, at least not in front of Rin. She was always either with Rin or at work, then, so when had she ever been given the chance to grieve?

She didn't realize until then that she was staring at Iroha with a devastated expression. Iroha must not have understood, though. She must have still been fixated on the children, fixated on worry for Rin's wellbeing rather than her own. Instead of crying like Rin felt the other woman was entitled to since memories of Len were evident in the pinkette's gaze, Iroha reached up and gave Rin a pat on the head like Len always used to. Rin didn't let her eyes tear up and forced her gaze to stay painfully neutral. She didn't know why she did, but she tried to pretend that the devastated expression had never crossed her face. She looked away stubbornly, back at the children, but they'd disappeared. She glanced toward the sound of their cries to see Haku running off into the distance with Neru chasing angrily after her.

"Mama!" Yuki called cheerily. Rin and Iroha looked to the young girl's direction as she exited the school building. Yuki's smile faded for a second to be replaced by curiosity as she gazed at Rin. "Rin? You came to pick me up?"

"Don't think too much of it," Rin mumbled embarrassedly, looking away. She could feel Yuki smiling, though. It made her happy that Yuki was happy, but it was still too much for her to accept those feelings. "I just wanted to make sure that bratty teacher of yours kept her nose out of my business."

"Rin," Iroha said with a frown, a warning tone in her voice.

Rin nearly jumped at the sound of Yuki's giggle and looked toward the girl in shock. She'd never seen that same happiness in Yuki's eyes. "That's okay. I'm just happy you came."

_I'm a terrible person,_ Rin told herself, staring into that girl's eyes. Yuki had been with her for over a month now, and this was the first time she'd really managed to make the girl smile. She really was a terrible person, the worst.

"So why were you down at the office, Yuki?" Iroha mercifully asked.

Yuki looked to the pinkette then and smiled. "Miss Utatane and Miss Akita asked if I could watch over a little boy for them. He's in kindergarten. He's having trouble making friends and stuff, so they thought maybe I could help him make some."

"Why not ask one of your friends, instead?" Iroha wondered curiously. "Do you think you can handle that right now?"

Yuki shook her head, glancing at Rin repeatedly as she spoke. Rin felt her face reddening in embarrassment. The affection in Yuki's eyes was making the guilt steadily rise. She didn't deserve it, not at all. "They said that the personalities didn't match for anyone else, and since I'm new and I made friends already, I could show him that he can do it, too."

Iroha laughed a little, smiling down at Yuki. Rin found herself feeling oddly jealous of the bond the two shared. It was her own fault, of course, that Iroha and Yuki were so close, but she still couldn't help but be a bit dejected. She hadn't earned the right to have Yuki call her 'mama' or anything like that, though. "Well, as long as you think you can handle it."

"Are we going to the café today?" Yuki wondered, her eyes glimmering with excitement. Rin watched her curiously before flicking her eyes away when Yuki looked toward her again. She'd lived with this girl for quite a while, but she really knew nothing about her, did she? Even in walking her to school in the mornings, they'd barely exchanged words over the time.

"Of course," scoffed Iroha. "We always go."

There was a short moment of silence as Rin concentrated on a blade of grass a little ways away before Yuki's voice resonated in her ears. "Is Rin coming?"

Rin jumped and looked to Yuki. The girl had looked shyly away, hope shining in her eyes as she shifted nervously from foot to foot. Quickly, the girl recovered, "Not that you have to or anything, Rin. I know you're really busy with everything, work and all and that stuff. Not that I don't want you to come! I mean, it'd be great if you could, but I completely understand if you can't. Coming to pick me up was already really great and I don't want you to feel that—"

Rin couldn't help the smile that came, and she laughed softly. Kneeling down so that she was on eye level with Yuki, she patted the girl on the head, just as Iroha had done to her earlier and Len had always done to her. "Calm down. I'm coming. It's not like I have anything better to do."

But Yuki's eyes were filling with tears. Rin couldn't help but scowl. What had she done wrong? Did nothing satisfy this girl? Then, Yuki's voice sounded. "Len used to . . . do that."

Rin froze, imagining Len's face once more. That sweet smile he'd given her on their last day together. What had he said to her that day? What were his last words? Where had he run off to so quickly? Why hadn't he gone home with her? If he had, he never would have . . . . He never would have . . . .

Before Rin fell into the abyss, little hands drew her back into that moment as Yuki fell forward and wrapped her arms around her. "I'm sorry, Rin! I didn't mean to say it and make you sad! Please don't cry!"

Sure enough, Rin could feel tears hot in her gaze. She looked to Iroha as Yuki's face remained hidden in her shoulder, but the other woman merely met her gaze for a moment before looking away. It was as though she was saying, "You're her mother, aren't you? This is your job, not mine." Rin turned the gaze back to Yuki's black hair, completely unsure of herself. She'd always wanted to be a mother, sure, but she didn't know how to do it without Len. Yuki was crying; what was she supposed to do? Len would've known. They were meant to raise her together. Rin was lost on her own. She needed Len with her.

But he wasn't here, he never would be again, and Yuki needed a mother.

"It's okay, Yuki. I'm not upset," Rin insisted weakly, still completely unaware of what she was meant to do with the child. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry," Yuki whispered into Rin's ears, squeezing her tightly. "It's just that Len used to do that, and it made me think of him. I didn't mean to bring up bad memories for you."

A different thought flashed in Rin's mind rather than one of Len, and she felt a pain on her chest. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced herself not to think about it. She frowned, knowing that this was wrong. She should've been doing the comforting, not Yuki. So, she pulled her arms around Yuki and hugged her tight. It felt strange. How long had it been since she'd been this close to someone? "There's no reason to worry about me. I'm fine. You're the one we should be worried about." She felt a painful flutter in her heart as she was forced to acknowledge, "He was a big part of your life, too, after all." And, feeling Iroha's presence, she thought to the woman, _And an even bigger part of yours._

Iroha seemed to have been satisfied by Rin's actions, because, in a cheerful voice, she broke the tension with, "Come on, you two! We've got to head to the café, or Ring'll think we aren't coming. She won't save our table then."

. . .

"Yuki-chan! Iroha! Welcome back!" Ring cheered as the three entered the café. She paused to gaze inquisitively at Rin and wondered, "Well, who's this?"

Rin scowled at the girl. This girl was at least ten years her junior, and she was treating her so casually. Iroha seemed to be tolerating it, but didn't she think it was just a little inappropriate? "Rin, Kagamine Rin," Rin introduced herself, gazing at Ring with an unamused expression.

"Well, Rin, come on in," Ring chirped, sweeping her arm out toward the table Yuki had already begun walking toward. "Always a pleasure to see kind faces, new and old!"

What was this girl's problem? What was it in Rin's expression that she recognized as _kind_? Still, Rin followed Yuki to the table and sat opposite Iroha, beside the child. Ring set menus before the three of them before promising to return in a moment and heading off elsewhere.

Rin gazed down at the menu. It was filled with fancy hot beverages and sickeningly sweet desserts. None of it appealed to her even in the slightest. She had to stop herself from wrinkling her nose in distaste and looked up to Iroha for assistance. Iroha knew her tastes better than she did herself. Iroha gazed at the pleading stare for a moment before looking to Yuki and wondering, "What do you recommend I get, Yuki?"

Yuki quickly replied, "The Hello Kitty ice cream sunday, of course."

Iroha grinned and thanked the girl. She then looked up to Rin and tilted her head slightly in Yuki's direction, giving her a pointed look. Rin understood immediately that she was recommending that she ask Yuki to choose for her, so, hesitantly, Rin wondered, "What about me?"

Yuki looked up to her, a little shocked, before smiling broadly and announcing, "You don't really have much of a sweet tooth, so the orange cake would probably be good. It's rather mild, and you can ask them to just not add the scoop of orange sherbet." Then, her cheeks reddened, and she looked down. "N-not that you have to get that, of course. It's just a suggestion. You probably know better than me."

Rin looked to Iroha for assistance, but the woman just gave her a blank look, so, with a tiny sigh, Rin patted Yuki's head once more.

**Author's Note: Okay, now that I'm doing being an emotional wreck, back to writing! I've done most of my chapter by chapter plotting, so it should be easier now! And I'm still in school even if most of you are on vacation so rawr! Right, and the story cover is just temporary until the real one is completed.**


	16. Do Those Marks Mean

**Author's Note: You'll see the term Neechan (big sister) used by Ryuto from here on out. It just sounds better than big sister.**

Chapter Sixteen

Do Those Marks Mean . . . .

Yuki didn't notice that she'd been humming while she worked until Haku remarked, "That's a really nice tune, Yuki. What song is it?"

Yuki jumped, startled, and faced Haku's red gaze. Quickly, her face went up in flames, and she wondered, "I was singing?"

Haku giggled and nodded. Yuki looked quickly toward where Piko was meant to be sitting, but both he and Neru had disappeared to talk to the teacher. "It was very nice. It went something like this." Haku closed her eyes in gentle concentration before beginning to hum. Yuki knew better than to cringe, but the tune was unrecognizable. Haku's tempo was nonexistent, her tune far off, and each note crashed violently into the next. Haku quickly stopped herself and laughed tentatively, looking self-conscious. "I'm sorry, I'm not very good of a singer."

Yuki quickly cried out, "No no, Haku, you've got a really pretty voice!"

"Pfft, Haku, pretty voice? What've you been smoking?"

Neru had arrived once more, sliding beside Yuki and gazing down at the math worksheet they'd been given like it was a despicable beast. Then, she turned her golden gaze onto Yuki and stated, "Haku can't sing for the life of her."

"You don't have to be so mean about it," Haku mumbled, disconsolately turning her eyes to the table.

"H-Haku, I thought you were really good!" Yuki insisted. She knew it wasn't true, but Neru was so mean!

"What song were you singing then, shorty?" Neru wondered, casually brushing off the topic.

"She's taller than you, Neru, and you know it," retorted Piko upon arrival, slipping in beside Haku. Neru scowled at him, but it was true. Everyone in the class was taller than Neru. Then, he turned his gaze on Yuki. Yuki felt herself blushing now that all three gazes were concentrated on her, their math worksheet forgotten. "So what was the song you were singing, Yuki? I'd love to hear it."

"Piko's got a really nice voice, too," Haku interjected.

"_My_ voice is better than anyone's, though!" Neru insisted proudly, smirking at Yuki. "Sorry to burst your bubble, shorty."

"She's gonna be taller than you no matter how many times you say that, Neru," Piko said, rolling his eyes at the yellow-haired girl.

"I-I really don't know what song it was," Yuki mumbled, locking her eyes on the fractions below her. "I didn't even notice I was humming."

"I bet some guy admitted that he likes her," Neru announced with absolute certainty. "Why else would she be in such a good mood?" She leaned across the table to grin cheekily at Piko. "So, Piko? Am I right?"

His face going bright red, Piko glared at Neru and hurriedly exclaimed, "Why would I know anything about that, idiot?"

A glint of anger flashed in Neru's eyes as she leaned further forward and grabbed Piko by the collar of his shirt. "Who're you calling an idiot? !"

"Children, quiet down and do your work!" Miki called to them from where she was working with other students.

"Sorry," Yuki, Haku, Neru, and Piko said in unison, quickly returning to their work. It wasn't long until Yuki noticed herself humming again, and her friends' gazes had fallen onto her, awaiting a response. She paused, trying to identify the tune, until she recognized it.

_Len._

"It's called Kyouka 99," Yuki stated, keeping her eyes locked on her work as she pretended to do it. She remembered that song now. It was one she'd made up with Len, and they'd sung it together all the time. "It's about a girl packing up her most precious belongings in a box because the world's going to end."

Neru raised an eyebrow and remarked, "Well that's depressing. You totally threw me off with that happy tune."

Yuki smiled fondly, though, as she remembered her days spent with Len. She'd always loved it when Len came in. She liked it when her other visitor came, as well, of course, but Len had been the only one to express an interest in adopting her.

"Yuki, you have a visitor."

Yuki looked up to Miki's voice and turned her gaze toward the doorway. Peeking his head around the door was a little boy, five years old, with buckteeth and scraggly green hair. Yuki smiled at the boy, who looked down shyly, and excused herself from the table to make her way to the door. She bent at the knees to bounce on the balls of her feet at the little boy's eye level.

"Hello, Ryuto," she said kindly. His eyes met hers for a moment before he sheepishly averted them to her chin. "How are you today?"

There was a moment of silence before his quiet voice sounded, "Okay."

She smiled a little more. She absolutely loved his voice. He was so incredibly adorable. He just needed a little more confidence. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

The timid little boy softly replied, "But Neechan is here."

Yuki looked to Miki, who nodded to give her approval, before she looked to Ryuto and stated, "Well, I guess it would be okay for you to stay here for a little, but you have to be quiet, okay?" Ryuto gave a little nod. "Did you tell your teacher that you were leaving?" Ryuto nodded again. "Okay, then let's go in, alright?" She pulled herself upright and reached out her hand to Ryuto. Taking his smaller hand in hers, she led him back to her table and sat beside Neru once more. Ryuto quickly clambered onto her lap and locked eyes with the table.

"Hello, Ryuto," Haku welcomed with a sweet smile, giggling a little at the way his cheeks reddened and he withheld a response.

"I'm at least taller than him," Neru mumbled, concentrated on her math work. "Dang it, fractions are so stupid! They make no sense!"

"You're the one that's stupid," said Piko with a scowl on his face. It didn't seem directed at Neru, though, and his mood had suddenly gone foul. "Fractions are easy."

"Do you wanna fight or something?" Neru growled, slamming a hand on the table and standing up to stare Piko down. He cast her a mirthless look. Then, she smirked. "Or could it be that you're jealous?"

Piko cast her a withering look. "I don't think I'd ever have a reason to be jealous of you, Neru."

Putting that comment aside for the moment, Neru continued with her previous point. "It's not me you're jealous of. It's Ryuto."

The expression on Piko's face said she was right, curiously enough, but Yuki didn't have a chance to hear his answer. Ryuto was tugging gently on her sleeve, so she looked down curiously, and he pointed to the sheet with an inquisitive expression. She leaned down toward him and started to explain fractions as simply as she could. He gazed up at her with eagerness. Miki said that Ryuto had a certain love for Yuki's voice, or he'd mentioned it to his teacher once, at least, so Yuki had no idea whether the math actually interested him or he only wanted to hear her talk. In any case, she did the math work while explaining her steps in a hushed whisper to him until Miki finally told her that Ryuto had to go back to class and Lily arrived to take the child away.

"Come to the park with me afterschool today, Yuki," Piko insisted the moment Yuki had finished bidding farewell to the little boy who'd been placed under her charge. She looked at him curiously.

"I have to go home, though. Mama will be coming to pick me up."

"You can call her from the office," Piko insisted as Neru sniggered. He glared at her for a moment before looking back to Yuki. "Come on, why not?"

To be honest, Yuki had been hoping that Rin might come pick her up tonight, as well, and then they could go to the café with Iroha. Yuki's recommendation the previous day had earned a short work of praise from Rin, but it was enough to keep her smiling the whole day. "What about Haku and Neru? Are you two coming?"

"Actually, we'd love to—" Neru started eagerly, only to be cut off by a frantic Haku.

"But we can't," the silver-haired girl quickly interrupted. "Neru and I already have plans afterschool."

"No we—" came Neru again with a glare to Haku, but the silverette shoved her hand over Neru's mouth.

"So it'll just be the two of you. Have fun without us."

Yuki paused. There _had_ been something she wanted to talk to someone about, and Piko was really nice. He'd probably listen and know what to do about it. So, she replied, "Okay, I'll go."

Piko beamed immediately and said, "Great! I can't wait!"

. . .

After their energy had worn out, Piko and Yuki sat on the swings and began to rock back on forth in the air, swinging their legs under their seats as they moved forward and kicking them out before them as they pulled back. Quietly, Yuki wondered, "Can I ask you about something, Piko?"

Piko blinked at her as their swings passed each other, perplexed by her seriousness, and nodded. "Yeah, anything."

Yuki listened to the creaking of the swings for a little longer before stating, "It's about Ryuto."

Piko's eyes flashed, and he swiftly explained, "I wasn't jealous, Yuki, I swear! Neru was just being a stupid . . . ."

He went quiet when he noticed Yuki shaking her head as the swing threw her forward and him back. "No, it's not that. I've just noticed something a little strange about him."

"Like the way he never talks?" Piko snorted, a little bit of that foul mood returning as he placed a light glare on the ground below him.

"No, he's just shy in that manner." After another moment of pondering how to say it, she slowly explained, "He has marks all over his body."

Piko gazed at her curiously. "What kinds of marks?"

Yuki gulped, whipping her eyes swiftly open as she blinked. The memory of the plate that had shattered upon hitting the wall above her head played on the darkness of her eyelids. "Bruises and cuts."

Piko frowned, obviously not understanding what she meant by that. "Well, he's a kid. He just got a little rough when he was playing. It happens."

But Yuki shook her head again. "They were more rough, worse than that. It was like someone had hurt him deliberately. There were too many to just say he got them when he was playing, and he doesn't have any friends his own age, anyway."

Her friend looked up to the sky in contemplation. "So you think somebody's been hurting him?"

Yuki looked down, a little embarrassed. Was she reading too much into it? Maybe Piko had been right. Boys played differently from girls, after all. Maybe it was normal for boys to be covered in those marks. "Yeah, I guess so."

Piko was quiet for a little while before saying, "It's possible. I've seen it before."

Yuki whipped her head toward him, startled. "When?"

Sadness played on Piko's rueful smile as he refused to look away from the bright blue sky. "Mama and Papa. Papa had a temper."

Yuki didn't know much about Piko's parents, but his eyes told her that she shouldn't ask, so she kept quiet until Piko leapt off his swing and stretched his arms up above him. "Well, we should be heading back soon. Miki said she'd meet us at the climbing tree at five." At Yuki's concerned look, he confidently stated, "Don't worry, Yuki. We'll keep an eye on him, okay? We'll find out what's up. I promise."

Yuki nodded, unable to argue with his confidence, and leapt off the swing beside him, walking with him to the tree they often climbed.

**Author's Note: I've written up to chapter twenty so you'll be getting daily updates for the rest of this week. And I finished plotting out the story. It'll be 41 chapters plus an epilogue. I hope you'll stick with me to the end! Please review if you have the chance!**


	17. Do You Remember That Time When

Chapter Seventeen

Do You Remember That Time When . . . .

Since she'd received a call from Miki saying that Yuki was going to be with Piko afterschool and she'd take care of them, Iroha had stayed late at work, arriving home far past her usual time. Upon stepping out of the elevator, she realized that her house key wasn't clipped on to her waist as she'd though it was, and she started rummaging desperately through her bag. Rin had said she'd be staying late at work, so, if Iroha was locked out, that was the end of it.

"Dammit, Iroha, you moron," Iroha muttered after her first fruitless attempt, stopping in her tracks to search through once more. Sure enough, she'd forgotten a key. Of course. Just her luck. She had an extra key stored at her own home, but that meant she'd have to go all the way downtown. She was better to just sit here and wait for Rin to arrive home, as irritating as that was. In a fit of frustration, she let loose a string of unconnected curse words.

"Well now, Iroha, that's quite a mouth you've got there."

Iroha felt a jolt of shock run through her body and looked up from her purse to meet the kind brown eyes of a certain black-haired man. She froze, unsure what to make of that man and his familiar smile. He stared at her for a moment before chuckling softly.

"I'm sorry, Iroha dear. I didn't mean to startle you."

Iroha blinked in shock at the man before, finally, the shock wore off and whole-hearted joy took its place. Her mouth stretched into a large smile as she cried out, "Kiyoteru!" and dashed toward him, wrapping his arms around the man. "I haven't seen you in months!"

"I meant to come visit you, dear, but you haven't been answering your home phone, and I can't seem to get in contact with Aria."

Iroha laughed sheepishly, pulling back to stare up into the older man's warm brown eyes. That gaze was so comforting. She'd known it since she was little. "Well, Rin and Aria got into some spat, and Aria ended up moving out to England with that boy, Leon. Then I haven't really been home." She shook her head, not wanting to get into serious things right now, and wondered, "How have you been lately? Okay? Well, I know there's no way you could really be _okay_ after everything, but are you at least. . . ." Well, she'd killed it. _Way to keep things light, Iroha._

Kiyoteru's smile and gaze turned a little mournful as he mused, "No, of course not. I'm holding up fine, though. How about you, my dear?" His eyes were so full of sympathy that Iroha's heart ached. She immediately wanted to cry, but she stopped herself and kept that smile up. "You and Len have been best friends ever since childhood."

She couldn't cry, couldn't cry, couldn't cry. Swiftly, she countered with, "I'm more worried about you, Kiyoteru. He was your son, after all."

Kiyoteru smiled at Iroha and patted her on the head. That was where Len had gotten it from, after all. Iroha closed her eyes, so close to tears by the familiar feel of Kiyoteru's big hand on her head. But other people needed to cry more than she did, so she didn't cry. She'd cried plenty in her life. It was time to allow other people to cry. "Iroha, you're still just a little girl, aren't you?"

She gave him the tiniest of glares and a cute little pout before replying, "I'm twenty-six years old, Kiyoteru."

He then laughed the laugh she'd heard so much during her childhood. "Don't say that, dear. You'll make me feel old."

She flashed him a feline smile and remarked, "You _are_ old, old man."

He laughed again and pulled her back into his warm hug. He was wearing a suit like he always did, and it crinkled softly against her skin as she breathed in that familiar scent. "Shush, you."

Iroha laughed at him and wondered, "So you've come to see Rin, I assume?"

"Her and the little girl." Iroha was a little startled. Kiyoteru knew about Yuki? So Len had told his father that he was planning on adopting, then. He hadn't told Iroha or Rin, though. Was his father the only person he'd told, or had there been others? "Have you met her before? The little one, I mean. Yuki."

Iroha smiled nervously as she pulled back a little to look at him, unsure if it was inappropriate when she said, "Actually, I live with Rin and Yuki."

Kiyoteru looked a little surprised, but then he laughed. "You always did have a special attachment to Rin, I suppose. She's been avoiding contact with me. How is she doing?"

Iroha didn't want to say how Rin had truly been: submerged in alcohol, verbally and physically abusive, passively suicidal in her darkest moments. So, instead, she focused on, "She brings Yuki to school each morning and picks her up after school sometimes. Yuki really likes her."

Kiyoteru paused for a moment before wondering, "Say, Iroha dear, did Len ever mention anything about Yuki to you before?"

Iroha stared at him curiously before stating, "No, never. Did he tell you a lot about her?"

Kiyoteru's eyes crinkled to crows' feet as he smiled. "Yes, quite a lot. I suppose in some ways I know more about her than you and Rin."

That knowing look in Kiyoteru's eyes really got Iroha wondering. It was almost a smug look, as though there was some great secret about Yuki that he felt blessed that he was the only one to know about. "Well, we've been living with her for a while, Kiyoteru. I think we know more than you do."

"Yes, I suppose so," the older man repented. "Well, dear, do you have any idea when Rin and Yuki will be home?"

Iroha pulled away from the man to slump against her door and fall to the ground with a sigh. "No idea, and I forgot the key."

Kiyoteru laughed at her, so she cast a glare at him as he took a seat next to her. She was wearing a suit just as he was, so they both look equally laughable as they sat, unrefined, on the hallway's carpet. "You're normally more responsible than that, dear. That's why I always trusted you to take care of Len."

"Maybe if you'd raised him with better values, I wouldn't have had to take care of him all the time," she bantered with a teasing grin.

Kiyoteru raised his hands in surrender. "That was all Ann's work. I had nothing to do with his values."

Iroha stuck her tongue out playfully. "No, I'm pretty sure that was all you considering how quick you were to pass the blame onto your wife."

With a soft chuckle, Kiyoteru smiled, wearing an expression that was both fond and grief-stricken. "At least she and Len are together now."

Iroha stared at the carpet, smiling fondly. Kiyoteru's wife, Ann, had passed away the summer before high school had started. Len had been in a disconsolate state that entire summer. Iroha had stuck around him, trying her best to cheer him up, but the most he could ever give her was fake smiles. The first time she'd seen him genuinely smile was that first day of school when she'd stormed in and yelled at him, when he'd been sitting beside Rin. It was Rin that had pulled him out of it, Rin that had made him smile. For Len, it had been love at first sight. Rin hadn't thought of him in the same way until months later, but, after that, they'd stuck together like glue.

Kiyoteru's voice tore through her thoughts. "I haven't seen Rin since the funeral. I was really worried that she'd always be like she was on that day." She looked to him to see him smiling fondly at her. "I'm glad Len got to know someone like you, Iroha. The way you and Aria cared for Rin at the funeral, the way you're still with her now. I couldn't have asked for a better friend for my son."

Iroha looked away, feeling completely unworthy of Kiyoteru's praise. "I'm here because she needs me, just like I was there for Len when he needed me. It's nothing worth praise. I'm just being a good friend."

It was like a shadow had fallen over them when Kiyoteru wondered, "Have you heard from—"

Knowing who he was talking about, Iroha quickly cut him off and said, "No, and I hope we never do." She felt anger coursing through her veins as she thought of the nights Rin had awoken screaming that unspoken name, the pain of those memories intermingling with thoughts of her deceased beloved. She'd cried her brother's name, too, the one that had never been born, followed by that horrid name.

"I'm glad," said the man before silence fell.

After a moment, Iroha decided to tell the father figure of her childhood, "I'm kind of jealous of Len, you know."

Kiyoteru crunched his eyebrows together, probably misinterpreting her words. Len was dead, after all. That wasn't what she meant, of course, but it could be taken that way. "What specifically, dear?"

"Rin loved him so much. I wonder what it's like to have someone love you that much." She looked up to the ceiling and remarked, "My only love has always been unrequited. I've always been jealous of how much she loves him and he loves her. I wish I could have that."

Kiyoteru cast her a sympathetic gaze and replied, "You could always have that if you tried."

Iroha smiled sadly. "No, it's okay. I'm satisfied with my love never being requited, at least a little. It's better than not being in love at all."

"May I ask who it is?"

She just shook her head before casting him a sidelong look and a grin. "It's not Len, if that's what you're thinking."

He laughed again. "While we'd considered that while you were younger, your mother once told us something that made us dismiss the idea entirely."

Iroha's cheeks went bright red and she quickly leaped on the man, exclaiming, "What did that woman tell you?"

Kiyoteru started laughing, but before he could respond, Rin's voice rang through the air.

"What are you doing here?"

**Author's Note: By the by, in case anybody starts feeling that the chapters are filler-y, they definitely aren't. I'm placing hints in each chapter as to where the plot's going to go, and each character and chapter is necessary and will play a part later on. Right, and Len is called Len Hiyama in the first chapter. Also, sorry I didn't post yesterday, I wasn't at home. Please review if you have the chance!**


	18. I'm Her Mother, So

Chapter Eighteen

I'm Her Mother, So . . . .

"_Father, I'd like to kindly request my girlfriend's hand in marriage," Len said firmly, bowing deeply to the man standing before him. Rin couldn't believe what an idiot he was being as she stood stiffly behind him, struggling to keep calm. She couldn't taint her image by attacking him right now of all times, so she withheld the urge to smack him over the back of the head._

"_You're supposed to ask the _girl's_ father that, moron," she sighed, shaking her head at Len, unable to resist wearing a slightly amused expression. He was so strange, but it was really endearing in some ways._

_Len looked to her curiously then, straightening himself up and turning his body toward her. "Didn't you know? Kiyoteru is your father."_

_She cast him a withering look. "No, Len. This is _your_ father."_

_He nodded, his face completely serious as he held her gaze firmly. "Yes, I know that, but he's yours, too."_

_Rin paused and stared at him. His expression was so serious, so certain, that a seed of doubt planted itself in her mind, and she questioned, "What?"_

"_He's your father, too. We're brother and sister. Didn't you know that? Look at us, Rin. We're practically twins!"_

_Rin's eyes widened in horror, and she stammered, "B-b-but, you just asked for my hand in marriage!"_

"_We'll be a political statement!" Len exclaimed proudly, grabbing her wrist to pull her toward him. Their faces were barely an inch apart now. "'Brother and sister, separated at birth, get married!' That's what the headlines will all read!"_

"_You're crazy!" Rin exclaimed. She'd been dating this boy for a month, and now she found out that they were_ siblings_? What hadn't he said something sooner?_

_Then, Kiyoteru laughed, and she looked toward him desperately as Len continued to grin, his face incredibly close to Rin's own. "He's not serious, Rin dear," he explained, thoroughly amused. "I'm sorry about that. Thank you so much for putting up with his antics. I'm glad he's managed to find a level-headed girl."_

_Rin felt a tick of irritation that Kiyoteru had let her believe Len for so long, but this was her first time meeting the man, so, instead of snapping, she remarked coolly, "It's Iroha you should thank for dealing with him. She's the one who comes to wake him up every morning and drag him to school."_

"_You should join her sometimes," Len commented, the loudness of his voice reminding Rin of how close they were. She took a step back in discomfort as he grinned at her. "It'd definitely make me wake up quicker."_

"_I have better things to do in the morning," Rin retorted, gazing at him icily. She was far from forgiving him for that trick he'd just played._

"_So cold," Len sighed._

_Then, Rin turned a sweet smile to Kiyoteru and stated, "I'm Kagamine Rin. It's a pleasure to meet you."_

_He took her small hand in his surprisingly large one and replied, "Hiyama Kiyoteru. The pleasure's all mine."_

"What are you doing here?" was the first thing Rin had to say to the man that she hadn't seen since Len's funeral.

Upon stepping off the elevator, the first thing she'd seen was Iroha and Kiyoteru sitting on the floor in front of the apartment, laughing at some joke she'd missed. Even before she'd bothered wondering about Kiyoteru's presence, she wondered about Yuki's absence, but questioning Kiyoteru had come out first.

"Rin," Iroha said, as though it wasn't already clear that Rin had arrived. The pinkette and the black-haired man quickly scrambled to their feet. As Kiyoteru took a step forward, Rin took one back, eyeing him cautiously. It wasn't that she didn't trust Kiyoteru. He'd always been kind to her, and she had no reason to think badly of him. Still, his presence here bothered her, and she was acting purely on instinct in that moment.

"Where's Yuki?" Rin questioned Iroha before her previous question was answered, her eyes flashing dangerously.

"She's with Piko," Iroha quickly assured her, obviously seeing that franticness that had surfaced in Rin. Things were fine now, they were finally fine, Rin futilely tried to reassure herself. So why was Kiyoteru here? Had Iroha called him here? Did she not want to take care of Rin and Yuki anymore? "Miki is going to bring her home."

Did Iroha think she could just _leave_ after everything? Didn't she realize that Rin still desperately needed her, that Yuki needed her, too? Did she really think it was okay to just let Kiyoteru take over? "What didn't you tell me?" Those words meant two things now, questioning about both Kiyoteru and Yuki.

"She called me right before school was ending," Iroha defended, looking a little shocked by Rin's harshness. "Calm down, Rin. Everything's okay."

Rin felt herself grow even more annoyed at being told to calm down, so she whipped her fiery gaze onto Kiyoteru and snapped, "Why are you here?"

He didn't back down from that vicious gaze, though. He simply stared at her and stated, "I came here to check up on you, Rin. I've been trying to call since the funeral, but it goes straight to voicemail."

"I unplugged the phone after Len died," she said, nearly choking on the word _died_. "At the time, I figured that, if Len wasn't calling, there was no reason to pick up, so I unplugged it." She felt herself calm down a little as a dark memory shadowed her gaze. "And I got a call from someone that I really didn't want to talk to after I'd decided to plug it in again, so I unplugged it again."

Iroha looked down at the carpet. She'd been there when Rin had gotten the call and had taken over the phone for her as Rin had downed an entire bottle of sake in one swig. She could understand why Rin had gone to such drastic measures.

"I came to see how you and Yuki were," he then informed her, easily offering his forgiveness for her not having made contact for months. "And I planned on looking into Iroha while I was down here, so I guess I got two birds with one stone."

His smile didn't comfort Rin at that moment. Instead, she felt herself growing more and more untrusting of the man as her defensive side kicked in. "What do you want with Yuki?"

Kiyoteru looked to Iroha for assistance, but she simply gave his a curious expression. She was wondering now, too. So, he looked back to Rin, and he stated, "Quite honestly, Rin, with the way you were at the funeral and the way you avoided making contact with me, I wasn't sure you'd be a suitable mother. I came to see if you'd like me to adopt Yuki."

"Adopt me?"

The three adults turned to Yuki, who stood next to Piko and Miki at the entrance of the elevator. Devastated, Yuki turned her expression to Rin. She looked completely betrayed as she wondered, "He's going to . . . adopt me?" But, before Rin or Iroha could explain, the girl's gaze turned to Yuki, sparking with anger as she shouted, "You said you weren't going to let that other person adopt me! You said you'd keep being my Mama! You said you wouldn't let me go! You said you still wanted me! You're a liar! You're a terrible _liar_!"

"Yuki—" Iroha started, but it was Miki that fell to her knees before Yuki and began to stroke her hair as she glared at Iroha.

"Shh, Yuki, shh," Miki whispered as Piko took the child's hand and gazed at her worriedly. "That's not the person who wanted to adopt you, okay? I'm sure there's a logical reason, okay? Your Mama and Rin have both chewed me out on several occasions. There's no way they'd let you go that easily."

"You're all a bunch of filthy liars!" Yuki still insisted, glaring now at the woman who was trying to calm her down.

"You're just wound up right now, Yuki," Piko was murmuring gently to her. "You're just worried about Ryuto, okay? You don't really mean it, right? You know they wouldn't do that to you."

"So that's Yuki," Kiyoteru breathed. Rin hated the fondness in his gaze. He didn't know Yuki. He had no right to show those loving eyes to the girl.

As he took a step toward Yuki, Rin barked out, "Stop." He froze immediately under her icy gaze, and Rin growled, "I'm her mother. I will take care of her. I don't need you here, so kindly leave and don't ever come here without first clearing it with me. You're not needed."

"Rin," murmured Iroha, looking worriedly at Kiyoteru. Rin froze when she saw the pained expression in his gaze, immediately regretting the way she'd spoken to him. He was Len's father, the kindest man she'd ever known. He didn't deserve those harsh words, especially since he'd lost the two most important people in his life. And, still with that pained expression, he gave her a guilty smile.

"I'm sorry, Rin," the man excused, bowing to her. "I didn't mean to come in here and mess things up for you. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Taking care of Yuki without Len, I wasn't sure if you'd be able to handle it, but I can see that you love Yuki very, very much. I'll go now."

She stood very still as she passed by him, and then the little girl that had fallen into quiet tears, and heard the elevator ding shut. Staring at the floor, she felt the world shaking around her. That poor man. He'd just been trying to take care of her, as he always had. Just like Aria, just like Iroha, just like Yuki.

"I'm sorry," Rin murmured to no one in particular before she dashed toward the stairs and raced downward. She pulled herself in front of the elevator as it dinged open, revealing Kiyoteru once more, his face in his hands. She took a few steps back, allowing him space to exit. Only after the elevator closed once more did he look up and notice her.

"Oh, Rin," he murmured, delicately forcing himself to smile. His eyes were bloodshot, Rin immediately noticed. He brushed his hand along his eyes, and she noticed his tears. The guilt was nearly incapacitating now as she stared at him. "I'm so sorry. It seems I've made a mess of things. I promise, I'll leave you alone from now on."

She was a terrible person, the worst kind of person, she noticed as she stared at this man. Seeing his tears made her want to cry. She'd done this to him, this poor man, the one who'd always treated her with such kindness.

Unable to stop herself, she hugged her arms tightly around him and hurriedly told him, "I'm so sorry, Kiyoteru. I didn't mean to be like that. You were just worried about me, and I stomped all over it. I was just so worried that you'd come to take her away from me. If you took Iroha or Yuki from me, I have no idea what I'd do. I love them both, and I need them both so much." She tightened her grip around him and continued, "I'm so sorry. You needed me are Len died, didn't you, and I cut you out completely. You called me your daughter, but I abandoned you the moment things got tough. You took care of me all the time when I was younger. I'm so sorry.

"I love you, Kiyoteru. I'm so sorry that I've been so terrible. I promise I'll do better from now on. I'll bring Yuki to visit you, and you can come visit us, but I can never give her to you. That's not how Len wanted it. He wanted me to be her mother. I was meant to be the one to take care of her, and I've done a terrible job up until now, but I'm trying to do better. I've been terrible ever since Len died, and I've had no right to be. I'm going to start making up for it now, I promise.

"Yuki is my daughter, Kiyoteru. That was Len's last gift to me. He left me Iroha and Yuki because he knew I couldn't do it on my own. And, now, he's left me you, too. Please forgive me, Kiyoteru, and please be a part of my life. I've missed you so much."

And then, in the following silence, Kiyoteru hugged her back, and she felt herself begin to cry, murmuring her apologies over and over again in the comfort of his embrace.

**Author's Note: The moral of this chapter: do not have serious, life-altering conversations in the hallway where anyone could walk by and eavesdrop.**


	19. I Don't Need an Apology, I Only Need

Chapter Nineteen

I Don't Need an Apology, I Only Need . . . .

"I'm sorry," Yuki hiccupped, wiping her arm across her eyes to force away the tears that kept coming. She felt Miki still stroking her hair, Piko still holding her hand, but their comfort meant nothing to her at that moment. She felt terrible for yelling at Rin and Iroha. She'd overreacted, hadn't she? But they'd looked so serious, and she'd suddenly become so afraid. If they let that man adopt her, she'd lose everything she'd had until now, even her last link to Len. "I'm so sorry."

"Yuki," said Iroha from nearby. Yuki jerked away from Piko and Miki and fell instead into Iroha's arms. "Shh, it's okay."

"I'm sorry," Yuki repeated desperately into Iroha's shirt, keeping her eyes firmly shut. "Please don't send me away. You promised. You promised."

"Shh, Yuki, we weren't ever going to," Iroha promised, holding the little girl incredibly close to her. "We'd never do that. We love you too much."

"Don't leave me all alone again," Yuki whispered, hiding in the woman who she'd come to see as a mother. "Don't leave me like my parents did."

"No one's going to leave you, Yuki, okay?"

Yuki's nose was running uncontrollably, so she found herself sniffling as she said, "Okay."

"That was Len's father, Kiyoteru. He was coming to check up on Rin and I, and you, too. He didn't know if Rin could handle taking care of you, so he was trying to help out. That's all, okay? We'd never even consider giving you up."

"Okay."

"We love you, Yuki, and we're a family now. Don't ever doubt that, okay?"

"Okay."

Iroha laughed and lightly tapped her knuckles on Yuki's head. Yuki looked up at her with teary eyes and blinked, not understanding why Iroha was smiling like that. "Don't revert back to that, Yuki." As Yuki continued to stare blankly at her, not understanding at all what the woman meant, Iroha explained, "You did that when Miku first brought you to us. All you'd say to anything was 'okay.' Don't start doing that again, alright?"

"Okay." Iroha scowled playfully at her, and Yuki felt the corners of her mouth lift up in a smile. With a short giggle, she quickly offered, "Sorry."

Iroha laughed and ruffled the hair atop her head. "Okay, Yuki. Let's go inside now, alright?"

"Are you sure you're okay, Yuki?"

Piko's voice startled Yuki. She'd forgotten that he was there. She looked toward him, and he was gazing at her worriedly. She knew he wanted to do more for her, to comfort her, but, at the moment, it wasn't him she needed, but it wasn't Iroha, either. So, she shook her head.

"No," she said, and she looked toward Iroha. "I can't go inside yet." She turned her gaze to the stairs that Rin had escaped from and said, "I need to see Rin."

"I don't think that's the best idea right now," Iroha said hesitantly, but she loosened her grip on Yuki to give the girl the freedom to run if she so wished.

"I disagree," Miki stated, staring evenly at Iroha. Yuki looked at Miki, confused. As far as she could tell, the teacher had a strong distaste for Rin. She would've thought that Miki would think it best that she stay away from Rin. "If you plan on caring for Yuki as her mother, both you and Rin, you must learn to handle yourselves in times of great stress. This is one of those times." She and Iroha shared icy stares as the woman dropped one last comment. "But if Yuki comes to school with any marks of violence on her tomorrow, please know that I have Miku's number, and I'll call her in a heartbeat if it is detrimental to Yuki's safety." Then, she grabbed Piko hand and hauled to boy down the hallway. "Come on, Piko. This is something that you're not a part of."

"Yuki, please feel better!" Piko desperately called back to Yuki, deciding not to resist his sister for once. "I promise that we'll find out what's wrong with Ryuto, okay, so don't worry about that, either! Good luck!"

Yuki smiled and waved goodbye to him with a quiet word of thanks. Then, she looked to Iroha and wondered, "Is it okay to go to her?"

Iroha sighed and released her completely, raising her hands in surrender. "That's entirely your business, Yuki. I can't do anything about what you choose to do."

Yuki hesitantly took a step back, studying Iroha quietly, before she murmured, "Then I'm going after her."

Iroha turned around then and said, "Okay, do what you want. I won't watch."

Yuki stared at her for a moment longer before taking a few more steps back and then whirling around to dash downstairs. She heard Iroha curse as she left, complaining about her keys or something, but she didn't turn back. She stopped when she arrived at the bottom, looking back and forth, but Rin was nowhere in sight.

"_Hey, Yuki, how would you feel if I adopted you?"_

Yuki blinked as Len's words rang clearly in her head.

"_Really? You'd do that? For real? You're not just teasing me?"_

She closed her eyes, imagining Len's smile, his kind eyes, the sound of his voice. Len was the father she was meant to have, but things hadn't worked out the way she had planned. Now, instead, she had two mothers. No matter what, she had to take care of Rin. Rin had told Kiyoteru off earlier. Surely that meant she wanted Yuki as a daughter. She was the Rin Len had told her about so many times before.

"_I'm completely serious. You could live with me and Rin."_

At that moment, nothing seemed more important than seeing Rin, right then. If Yuki had to cry, she wanted to cry with Rin. She wanted to cry with the woman she'd been hearing about for over two years from Len. She wanted to take Len's place just a little, to be the most important person in Rin's life. Maybe it was a little selfish, but it was the one thing she wanted most in the world.

"_Your girlfriend?"_

Yuki decided to go for the front door. Rin had already been wearing her shoes, so it was a reasonable assumption, right? Pushing through the glass doors, her feet slammed against the pavement, and she looked around wildly. Now where was she supposed to go?

"_She's more than just my girlfriend. She's my best friend, the love of my life, my soul mate. If I didn't have Rin, I don't know what I'd do with myself. She means more to me than anything else in this world."_

She found her feet taking her in the direction of the park. That was where Rin could most often be found when she disappeared. It was where she and Len had gone on their first date, the path they'd taken home from school each day, the place he'd proposed. There was no place that had more of Len in it than there.

"_Even more important than me?"_

Her feet propelled her forward, pulling her along faster than she'd ever ran before. She needed to see Rin right now. If Kiyoteru had hurt her, then she'd comfort her. If not, she'd tell Rin everything, how much she meant to her even if Rin didn't feel the same. She'd tell her everything.

"_Well, maybe, but you're a close second."_

With those last words resounding in Yuki's ears, she crashed full force into Rin, having failed to notice that the woman had been walking toward her. Before she could fall, however, Rin steadied her and stared at her with her usual blank expression. Still, a billion thoughts raced through Rin's eyes.

"What where you're running, Yuki," she ordered, but it was softened as she smiled. Yuki's heart was racing, her face red from running, her breath leaving and returning at an accelerating rate, but she beamed up at the beautiful woman that was Len's beloved.

"Sorry," she huffed, unable to stop herself from smiling. Rin had told Kiyoteru earlier that she was Yuki's mother. She was Yuki's mother.

She didn't know what she was meant to do when Rin crouched onto her knees and kept her hands on Yuki's shoulders to stare her in the eyes. Slowly taking in a breath, she wondered, "If I said I had something very important to tell you, would you be willing to listen to me, even after everything?"

Yuki felt like she was suffocating on joy, so she was only able to nod vigorously before Rin continued talking.

"Yuki, I'm so sorry for the way I've treated you.

"When you came into my life, I was a mess. After loosing Len, I felt like life was worthless. I was terrible to you, to Aria, to Iroha, to everyone who tried to help me. You never did anything to deserve the way I treated you. You did the exact opposite, actually. You proved time and time again that you didn't deserve that hatred, but I treated you horribly, anyway. I'll never forgive myself for that.

"When you came into my life, I felt like you were trying to replace Len. And you did, in a way. He used to be my most important person, but, Yuki, you've taken his place. I never wanted to let you into my heart, though. I've always said, over and over, that I don't want you. I only want him, I'd say. I'd go to his grave, and I'd tell him, 'I don't want her, I want you.'

"But I want you, Yuki.

"I want to be the one you look up to, the one you run to when you need to cry. I want to take the place in your heart that was left by the mother who abandoned you. I want to be the one you call Mama, be the one who you look up at with those adoring eyes. I know I don't deserve any of that, but I want it more than anything.

"Yuki, time after time, you've forgiven me. You've never once looked at me with anger for what I've done, even when I've said such horrible things to you. I threw a freaking plate at you, Yuki, but, even after that, you still forgave me and asked me to come shopping with you and Iroha. Even though, after everything, you should hate me more than Aria does, you still look at me with those kind eyes. You should hate me more than anyone, but you still smile at me when I speak even a single lukewarm word to you.

"You deserve much better than the woman I've been, Yuki, which is why I'm going to try to be the woman Len loves, the one he wanted to take care of you. I know I don't deserve it, Yuki, but, can I ask you one more thing?"

Yuki nodded, staring, transfixed, into Rin's sapphire eyes. Rin smiled softly and uttered the one question Yuki would never have thought twice about answering.

"Can I be your mother?"

Yuki knew she was crying, but she didn't try to hug Rin. She wanted to stare into those beautiful, kind eyes forever. So, she nodded vigorously and managed to choke out, "Yes."

Rin's face broke into a smile, and tears pooling in her eyes slid down her cheeks. She tugged the little girl close to her and whispered to her, "Thank you so much, Yuki. I love you so much. I'm so sorry for everything. I'll try to be the best mother you could ever ask for."

Yuki closed her eyes with a smile and softly said, "I love you, Mom."


	20. If I Cry, then

Chapter Twenty

If I Cry, then . . . .

Iroha forced her eyes to the ceiling and viciously bit back tears, leaning against the door. Poor Kiyoteru. To be on the receiving end of Rin's wrath was awful, and she'd been even worse today. Had Rin run after him because she wasn't done yet, because she needed to tell him off even more than she already had? Maybe Iroha should have run after her, but seeing Yuki's tears had stopped her. The girl's yells, the panicked expression on her face, had reminded Iroha that she wasn't just responsible for Rin anymore. She had to take care of Yuki, as well. They were both her responsibility.

"Dammit," Iroha muttered, sliding down to the ground and dropping her face in her palms. What if Rin said something terrible to Yuki? When her temper was short, she could say some awful things, whether or not she meant it at the time. She'd been that was ever since high school, and it had gotten worse after Len's death.

What was she supposed to do, though? Run after Rin and Yuki? But, no, this was something Yuki wanted to do, and she was a smart girl, responsible enough to make her own decisions. For now, there was nothing Iroha could do but wait.

. . .

When Iroha came to, she found herself in the bed she shared with Rin. She sat up, blinking away the dreariness and confusion. What was going on? When had she fallen asleep? Hadn't she been out in the hallway?

She looked down and reassured that she was still wearing her now-wrinkled suit. Then, she gazed around the room. It was dark outside, so she looked at the bedside clock that told her that it was a couple hours past midnight. She blinked at the grogginess masking her gaze. She'd really fallen asleep, then? And stayed asleep for quite a while, it seemed.

Iroha then looked to the spot beside her, where Rin usually slept, but it was completely vacant. Iroha scowled at the emptiness, bothered to have woken up alone. She always woke up earlier than Rin in the mornings, so she was used to having the other woman near her when she awoke. It disappointed her that Rin wasn't there, and she started to wonder where her roommate was. She pulled away the blanket that had been drawn over her and stepped onto the floor beside her bed. After readjusting to the feel of her legs, she made her way quietly out of the bedroom and looked around.

Yuki's bedroom door was closed, which meant that she was sleeping. She never closed it otherwise. The bathroom door was shut, as well, so Iroha looked in the other direction, toward the entrance of the apartment. Curiously, she found the lights on, so she began to softly pad toward it. She crept to the mouth of the hallway and peered out to see Rin curled up on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. She didn't seem to be doing much else.

"Rin?" she called hesitantly. Rin turned her blue gaze onto Iroha in an instant and smiled.

"Hey," she replied softly. Iroha found herself growing more and more curious as she heard that tender tone in Rin's voice. She hadn't seen Rin like this for months. What had she and Kiyoteru talking about, or she and Yuki? Iroha's heart skipped a beat as a thought crossed her mind.

"Yuki's in bed, right?" she questioned. Had Rin decided in the end that she couldn't handle taking care of Yuki and had given her to Kiyoteru?

But Rin was nodding, and she stated, "It's been a stressful day for everyone, huh? You'd knocked yourself out against the door when we came back."

Iroha frowned at her companion. It had been stressful, surely, so why was Rin still awake at this hour? "You could have woken me up, Rin. You didn't have to carry me to bed."

Rin laughed a little at her, and Iroha was shocked once more by how good of a mood the woman seemed to be in. "You've done it for me so many times in the past months, Iroha. I think it's about time I returned the favour."

Rin didn't seem to understand, Iroha acknowledged as she continued standing stiffly in the hallway, but she let it go. "You could have at least gone to sleep, too. You're going to be wiped tomorrow."

Her friend only smirked, though. "I'll be showing up sober; I think that'll be more than enough to please them."

They fell silent for a little then, but Rin sighed after a moment and said, "I'm just too wired to sleep."

Iroha shifted from foot to foot nervously, unsure how she was meant to proceed. "Why?"

Rin smiled at her, more joy in her eyes than Iroha had seen in ages, and, her cheeks flushing a faint pink, stated, "She called me Mom."

Iroha blinked at her, not quite understanding in her half-sleeping state. She meant Yuki, right? What had happened that evening? Though she really wanted to ask, Rin had continued on.

"Iroha, may I ask you a favour?"

Iroha was a little slow to respond, still thrown off by Rin's shifted attitude. "Yeah, I guess so. Go ahead."

Rin took in a breath and pulled herself off the couch. Iroha instinctively took a step back when Rin started walking toward her. Rin stopped a few steps before her and gently offered a smile. "Will you please stay with me?"

Iroha felt heat surfacing in her cheeks, and yet her mind had yet to register Rin's words. She couldn't quite understand what Rin meant. Of course she'd stay with her. She'd stayed with her this whole time, never once expressing a wish to leave. Even more so, Rin was one of the most important people in her life, and Rin needed her. She had so many hardships that she'd faced and that she'd surely face in the future. That was why Iroha always stood by her, remaining the constant that Rin could depend on. Why was Rin even—

Before she could complete the thought, Rin had started speaking again.

"I know that it seems ridiculous to ask. If you've stayed with me through all this, why would you just leave? But, Iroha, I have to ask you, properly." She slowly reached out her hand, palm up, to Iroha, and wondered, "Iroha, will you please stay with me and help me take care of Yuki?"

Iroha stared at her, her cheeks reddening further. That kind smile, that sincerity. She looked exactly the same as that Rin that Iroha had met the first day of high school. She was the same girl that had caught so many hearts with that one single smile, the same girl who'd taken on Iroha as her best friend despite already having two best friends of her own, the same girl who had fallen in love with Len. She was that exact same girl, only she was completely different. She was kinder than before, stronger than before, older and more beautiful than before.

"I wish Len could see you now."

Iroha had simply breathed out those words without a second thought. Now that they were out, she regretted them. She knew better than to mention Len in front of Rin. She gazed worriedly at Rin, but Rin was still smiling, and the woman murmured, "I wish he could see you, too. You've grown up since then, Iroha."

Iroha felt tears pricking her eyes, but she bit them back. She had to respond quietly to stop her voice from cracking, but she managed to say, "Yes, Rin. I'll stay with you. I promise I will."

"Thank you."

Iroha stared at Rin's hand, seeing that it was still outstretched, and delicately placed her hand on the other woman's. She gasped in shock as Rin's hand tightened around hers and yanked her forward. Iroha fell against Rin's chest, her arms sandwiched between her and Rin. She was about to pull away and apologize despite the fact that Rin had pulled her, but Rin's voice interrupted her.

"It's okay to cry, Iroha." Iroha eyes widened in mild shock. So Rin had noticed, then? She'd noticed that tears had sprung to her eyes, that one had fallen right now? "You've let me cry all this time, but you've been through just as much. It's your turn to cry now, okay?"

Iroha still tried to fight back the tears, though. It was habit by now, though a bad one. Still, she couldn't remember what it was like to cry. How did one cry? How did it start? For the girl who'd been such a crybaby during high school, her inability to cry now seemed absurd. Still, couldn't remember how or why she'd cry.

Iroha flinched as, through the fabric of Rin's shirt, the tips of her fingers touched the bumpy skin between Rin's breasts. Her eyes closed, imagining the jutted scar that rested there. Rin was wrong. Iroha hadn't been through just as much. Rin had been through much more than anybody else ever had. It was terrible that so much had happened to that one girl. She deserved so much better than the life that had been given to her.

If only Iroha had been better at protecting her. If only she'd been with Rin at that time instead of with Aria. Or, what if she'd been with Len at the time of his death instead of at work? She could have protected him. She could have saved him.

He'd called her the previous night, she'd discovered after she'd heard of his death. Her battery had been dead, so she hadn't gotten the message, but he'd wanted to meet up with her and introduce her to someone. She was sure now that it was Yuki. He'd told his childhood friend about his plans to propose, after all. Surely he would've wanted to tell her about the child he planned on adopting. But she hadn't answered him until it was too late. If only she'd answered a little earlier, he might have taken a different route, and he never would have run into that shooter. He could have been here right now, with Rin and Yuki, like he was meant to be.

Iroha didn't notice that she'd started crying until she felt Rin stroking her back and the sound of choking sobs sounded in her ears.

"_Hey, Iroha, we should go to the dance together! Huh? So what if I have a girlfriend?"_

"_Hey, Iroha, let's climb this tree together! I bet I could climb it faster than you!"_

"_You haven't come to visit my new place yet, you jerk! So what if it's a frat house? You'll fit right in! What? Well, I mean, you're just like one of the guys, after all. Oh crap, Iroha, calm down, I didn't mean it, I take it back!"_

"_We really should get you a boyfriend, Iroha. What do you mean you don't want one? All girls want one. Or, could it be, you're in love with me? Ouch, that's harsh. You didn't have to put it that way."_

"_I'm jealous. You've got it good. You can see Rin in the shower after gym. Not that there's much to see, huh? Why are you looking at me like that? Even_ you're_ more impressive than that. Ack, Iroha, wait!"_

His voice was ringing in her ears. God, she missed him so much. They'd been friends since they were children, inseparable. She'd never once seemed like a third wheel when she tagged along with him and Rin; if anything, it had felt like Rin was the wheel. Iroha had resented her at first for taking Len away, but she'd come to care for Rin just as much as she had for Len. Maybe even more.

"_Hey, Iroha, let's send our future kids to school together! It'll be great! We can force all our opinions on them and watch them fight it out for us!"_

Len should have been there right now. He should have had the family he'd always wanted. Iroha should have given up on her first love and found someone else, had a child that could have been close to Yuki like Iroha and Len had been. It wasn't fair. He hadn't deserved to die, especially not when everything had just fallen into place for him.

Goddammit, why hadn't she called him? Why hadn't she gotten to see him one last time? She had no idea what the last thing she'd said to him had been, what his last words to her had been. She'd never gotten to say goodbye, never gotten to tell him just how important he was to her. She was always rough with him when he teased her, but she actually loved the attention when he did so. Had he realized that? There was no way for him to ever know now, was there?

"It's not fair," she sobbed into Rin, clinging tightly to the woman Len had fallen in love with all those years ago. "Why did it have to be him? Why him?"

She wished it had been her, at least. Then Rin would have never been hurt, Yuki would still have both parents, and no one would have ever been this shattered. Wasn't there some way, any way, to fix it? If there was anything she could do to bring things back to the way they once were, she'd do it. She'd do anything to have Len by her side once more.

She'd give it all back, give it all up, if only that hadn't happened to Len. All he'd been doing was walking home. Why had that person felt the need to shoot him, why him? They'd never caught the shooter, either, which had only made things worse, and no one had found Len until he was already dead. He'd died alone. It wasn't fair, wasn't fair. He deserved to die a better way if he had to, not the victim of some outraged beast trying to get revenge on the world.

She'd never gotten a chance to say goodbye. She'd never get to see Len again, hear his laugh, laugh at his jokes, argue with him, wake him up to go to school, help him plan out dates with Rin. There would never be any closure, never any answer as to why he'd called her, what would have happened if she'd called back.

She missed him, missed him more than anything, but nothing would ever bring him back, no matter how much she wished it would.

**Author's Note: Aaaand, the first arc is now completed, but the story's far from over. The real drama has yet to begin.**


	21. If It's Cold, You Should

Chapter Twenty-One

If It's Cold, You Should . . .

"Achoo!"

The moment that sneeze sounded from Yuki, the girl's eyes widened in shock, and she covered her mouth to hide her gasp. Looking up at Rin, she quickly stuttered, "S-sorry!"

Rin rolled her eyes with a grin. Only Yuki would apologize for sneezing when it was already cold out. It was early December at the moment, and today had marked the first snowfall. It was a Sunday, and Rin had taken the day off, but Iroha was still at work. When Yuki had looked outside and seen the snow falling, she'd jumped on Rin in the woman's bed and begged her to take her outside. It was still the early morning hours, so much so that it was still dark outside, so no one else was out, but Yuki still looked overjoyed.

"Don't worry about it, Yuki," Rin stated, her gloved hands stuffed in her pockets. She herself wasn't a fan of winter. She'd love to have the hot days of summer all year long, but Yuki had been so excited that she couldn't refuse. "It's okay to sneeze, you know. I'm not going to ground you for it."

Yuki smiled and cheered, "Alright!" Then, she dashed ahead and laughed as she shot her bare hands out and spun in a circle to catch the falling flakes. She looked back to Rin with bright eyes and called, "C'mon, Mom, reach out and try to catch one! No two are the same!"

Rin raised a brow at her daughter with a questioning expression. "I've been complaining ever since it got cold, Yuki. What in Iroha's name would make you think I'd be crazy enough to try to catch snowflakes?"

Yuki giggled and dashed back to Rin, reaching out a hand to hold Rin's and staring at her mother expectantly. Rin scowled at her for a moment, but Yuki continued staring at her with those eyes, so she sighed and freed her hand from its pocket. However, instead of taking it in her own, Yuki offered the hand, palm up, to the sky. Rin sighed, seeing that she'd been tricked, and gazed listlessly at the snowflakes falling onto her palm that Yuki seemed so fascinated by.

"Hey, Mom, do you remember the first day I came to meet you?" Yuki wondered, gazing up curiously at her. Rin flinched. No, actually, she couldn't remember. Those days had all blurred together in a haze of alcohol with only a few spared intelligible moments. Yuki smiled in understanding and continued. "When Iroha said what my name was, you just commented on how it couldn't be snowing because it was summer. I assumed you were joking about my name, of course, but you really didn't get it, did you?"

"Probably not," Rin hesitantly agreed. "I can't be sure." Then, she remembered something that Iroha had told her before going to sleep last night. Yuki had already gone to bed, so Iroha had asked Rin to tell her in the morning. "Miku's coming by today, by the way. To check up on you and all."

Yuki seemed a little confused. "It's been a while since I last saw her. Why does she have to come today?"

"Just a routine check-up." Rin waved her hand dismissively, knocking down the gathered snowflakes. Yuki pouted as she watched. "We're under some special circumstances with Len out of the picture, after all."

"Hm, I guess so," Yuki mumbled, her mind elsewhere as her eyes caught on a snow-covered tree branch. She abandoned Rin to dash over to it and looked back to Rin with a huge grin. "Hey, Mom, will you and Mama sing with me in the school's talent show? Just backup, don't worry. But you have a really nice voice. Mama, too."

Rin scoffed and wondered, "When have you ever heard me sing?" as she approached the tree.

With a mischievous expression, Yuki swung behind the tree and peered out at Rin. "In the shower at night when you think I'm asleep."

Rin's face went bright red, so she lunged for the child in hopes of catching her and forcing her to take it back. However, the girl laughed and ducked away, dashing out into the snow-covered grass of the park. Determined, Rin chased after the girl. While Yuki had much more energy by far, she still had shorter legs than Rin, and Rin was easily able to bowl her over and land them both in the snow in a fit of laughter. As the chill of the snow forced her to jump up and relinquish her grip on Yuki, the girl darted away and Rin was forced to dash after her, quickly forgetting why she'd been chasing her in the first place.

. . .

Rin cringed as Yuki loudly shouted, "Mama!" and leapt off the couch the two had been sharing, dashing toward the front door that had just opened. Rin pulled the blanket tighter over herself, unable to believe that Yuki had the strength of will to brave to chill outside the warmth of the couch. Iroha was dressed no warmer than usual despite the snow, amazingly enough, with only a light jacket over her suit.

"You're both crazy," Rin grumbled, turning her gaze back to the television. Iroha and Yuki didn't seem to have heard her, though, because they continued on with their welcomes.

"I'm back," Iroha said, shedding snow as she slid the jacket off herself and hung it on the back of the door.

"Welcome home, Mama," Yuki said cheerily, still overexcited about the snow.

"Have you been outside yet today?" Iroha wondered.

"Mom and I went out in the snow." The little girl sounded incredibly proud of herself for whatever reason. "Piko and Miki dropped by earlier, too, to see if I wanted to come out and play, so we went to the park for a while. Mom stayed home, though. She doesn't like the snow, she says."

Iroha laughed and said, "Yeah, Len used to exploit that all the time."

Rin looked to Iroha to glare at the smirking woman. During the winter, Len would threaten to throw snowballs at Rin if she was vehemently refusing to do something fun that he'd planned since they were meant to be studying for exams.

"Are we gonna go to the café today?" Yuki wondered, her eyes glittering with unused energy as she looked up at Iroha.

"How are you not fat yet?" Rin sighed. Yuki had decadent desserts nearly every day at that café, but she'd yet to gain a pound. Rin hated to admit that she was insanely envious. She was still struggling to burn off the weight from all the alcohol she'd consumed, herself.

Yuki looked back at her curiously and, with an obliviousness that only a child could manage, stated, "I eat healthy the rest of the time, don't I?"

Iroha sighed too and joined Rin on the couch. Rin slid a little closer to the edge as Iroha nudged her in request and slipped under the blanket with her, leaning on the other woman so that they could both fit underneath. "I'd be careful saying that, Yuki. We might disown you."

Yuki pouted and merely said from the front door, "So are we going?"

Iroha yawned and blinked drearily at Rin to tell the woman to answer. So, Rin looked over her shoulder to Yuki and told her, "It's too cold. Miku's coming, anyway."

Iroha scowled and slouched then, remarking, "I'd forgotten about that."

Yuki was still filled with energy, though, and she leapt upon the couch and leaned over her adoptive parents, gazing at them with wide, pleading eyes. "Let's make a hotpot then! We can share with Miku!"

"Too tired," yawned Iroha, her eyes closing already.

Yuki scowled and focused only on Rin. Rin stared steadily back for a while, brown eyes meeting blue ones, but she knew that Yuki was just as stubborn as Len had been. Rin herself was stubborn, but she was no competition to either of them. So, she sighed and closed her eyes in defeat. She opened them to Yuki's triumphant smile. "Fine," she grumbled.

"Yes!" Yuki exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air and consequentially loosing her balance and falling atop both Iroha and Rin.

"Rin!" Iroha exclaimed, whipping her eyes open to glare at Rin. Rin smiled guiltily back. She knew Iroha was tired, but what was wrong with spending a little quality time together? It was usually Iroha forcing Rin to do things, in any case.

"Hotpot time!" Yuki cried, ignoring her own fumbling as she pulled herself up and jumped back onto the ground with a little bounce. She stared expectantly at Rin and Iroha until, with grumbles and complaints, the two stood up and followed the child into the kitchen.

. . .

As Iroha taught Yuki how to cut the carrot slices into flowers, Rin made her way over to the door upon hearing a knock. She opened it to a woman with teal twintails and a fluffy cyan scarf wrapped around her neck, nicely complimenting her turquoise winter jacket.

"Hello, Rin!" the woman chirped excitedly. Rin didn't remember Miku very well, to be honest, but she could already tell that she wasn't her kind of person. Her high energy was already draining the blonde. "Mind if I come in?"

"Go ahead." Rin had to avoid mumbling it, trying to seem much better than the Rin Miku had previously seen. She pulled aside to let the woman step inside and then closed the door behind her, accepting her jacket and piling it on the hook overtop of Yuki's, Iroha's, and Rin's own.

"Something smells good in here," Miku nearly sang with a huge smile, looking toward the kitchen entrance with bright eyes.

"We're making a hotpot, as per Yuki's request," Rin replied, hoping her voice didn't sound too forced. This was going to be a long night if Miku planned on hanging around for long.

Luckily, at that moment, Yuki's head poked out the entrance to the kitchen and she peered around curiously in search of Rin. "Mom, where'd you go? You can't just go take a nap and leave Mama and I to do all the work."

Miku looked like she was about to swoon as her smile broadened. "Aw, she calls both you and Iroha her mother! That's so cute!"

Yuki's eyes then landed on the doorway, and she smiled in return to Miku and exclaimed, "Miku!" before dashing over to wrap her arms around the woman.

"Long time no see, Yuki," Miku laughed down at the girl. "What are you making?"

Rin scowled, wondering if Miku had simply ignored when she'd answered the question earlier.

"Hotpot," Yuki stated. "It was my idea."

"Well, why don't you go back to that with Iroha and Rin? I just wanted to visit and check out how things are." Then, before Yuki could say anything, Miku wondered, "Which room is yours, by the way? Would you mind me checking it out?"

"Not at all," Yuki agreed kindly. "It's the one to the left." Then, she stepped away from Miku and took Rin's hand in her own. "C'mon, Mom, you gotta come help."

"Yeah yeah," Rin sighed, allowing the child to lead her away as Miku gave a small wave and made her way to Yuki's room.

. . .

Miku spent the night loitering and watching them cook, which admittedly ticked Rin off since it was meant to be a family event, but she didn't complain since Yuki seemed to be having fun anyway and even pulled Miku in several times to help her cook. When the hotpot was completed, Yuki asked if Miku wanted to stay for supper, but Miku had politely declined, saying she actually had to head out then. As Rin guided her out into the parking lot, and Iroha had whispered in her ear for her to do, Miku stopped before entering her car and smiled at Rin.

"Thank you for taking such good care of her, Rin," the woman stated. "I was really worried about her. There's someone else that wanted to adopt her, you know, after discovering that Len was no longer around, but I knew you were the best parent for her. If that other family had taken her, I don't know how things would have turned out. I definitely like you better than that other woman."

Miku smiled then, shaking away the contemplative look that had surfaced, and continued. "Yuki's always been my favourite child there, and I'm so glad to see her so happy. Thank you for caring for her, Rin, and you can be sure that she's definitely yours now."

Rin felt the tension that had been rising all night fall at those words. So Yuki was really hers now? No one could take her away?

She froze as Miku hugged her, irritation instantly returning, but she stomached the annoying woman's affection for that one moment before the woman pulled away with one last smile and a farewell and ducked into her car to drive away.

**Author's Note: Did anybody actually remember who Miku was? Well, in any case, fluffiness. Hope you enjoyed!**


	22. Will You Be Honest with Me if

**Author's Note: This is the rough draft (aka I didn't check grammar and spelling) but I don't know when I'll have time to edit so deal with it for now.**

Chapter Twenty-Two

Will You Be Honest with Me if . . .

"You're jealous," Neru was smugly saying to Piko as she walked beside him in the schoolyard. The students were all wrapped up in warm winter clothes as the older students walked the younger ones to the school gates to be picked up by their parents. It was the last week of school before winter break, and everyone had started getting jumpy and excited for the relaxing days of Christmas.

"Am not," Piko mumbled with narrowed eyes. As Yuki, walking a few steps in front of them with Haku, gazed back curiously, and Piko quickly averted his gaze to the snow at his feet.

"You so are," Neru chuckled with a smirk, turning his glare back up to her.

"What's wrong, Piko?" Yuki wondered, staring at him inquisitively. His face went bright red as he flashed his gaze up to her. It flicked down to Ryuto, who held Yuki's hand as they walked and looked curiously back at Piko, too, before he scowled and stuck his nose in the air.

"Nothing's wrong," he snapped hastily, nearly growling in annoyance. "Neru's just being stupid."

In a flash, Neru had bowled Piko over into the snow, and Haku grabbed the hand of the kindergartener that had been walking between the other two to shield her from the aggressive nine-year-old. Now holding a different child's hand in each of her own, Haku invited Yuki to keep walking with a nod. With a final glance at the hopeless Piko, Yuki smiled and gave an amused sigh before returning to walking.

"And that, Yuuma, is why Neru isn't allowed to take on a little brother or sister," Haku advised the little boy she'd been walking with, one of Ryuto's classmates. While Haku may have been placed as 'big sister' to Yuuma and Piko had become Mizki's 'big brother', they were under different circumstances from Yuki and Ryuto. Ryuto still managed to get out of class sometimes to come visit Yuki since he was still having some social anxiety; the other two younger children were merely doing as all kindergarteners did and were given older role models.

"I don't think Piko's very qualified for it, either," Ryuto said quietly, only speaking to Yuki. Yuki smiled gently at him. She knew it was rude for him to say that, but Ryuto rarely spoke, so it was important to encourage him each time he did.

"I dunno, I kinda like her," Mizki said, referring to Neru and grinning back with gleaming eyes as she watched the ongoing battle. "Why should she let him call her stupid? And she's so strong! It's awesome!"

"No, Mizki, Neru's not an appropriate role model!" insisted Piko, shoving Neru away while she continued clawing at him. "_I'm_ your role model!"

Mizki pouted and turned her head away, mumbling, "I'd rather have Neru. You're no fun, and you're a total wuss."

"That's not very nice, Mizki," Haku scolded, looking a little depressed for whatever reason. Haku could easily become gloomy, though, so Yuki knew better than to worry too much about it. The silver-haired girl looked sadly to Yuuma and wondered, "You'd probably rather have Neru too, wouldn't you?"

But Yuuma was gazing cautiously at the battling pair and murmured to Haku, "Actually, Neru kind of scares me."

"Wuss!" exclaimed Mizki, which provoked Yuuma to yell back at her. As the two began a battle that Haku tried to pull apart, Yuki looked down to Ryuto, who watched the two in silence. With a sigh that drew his attention up to her, Yuki faked a smile for the boy while acknowledging that his social behaviour still hadn't improved much. He'd spoken to Haku a couple times and had even exchanged greetings with Neru earlier that day, but he still refused to speak a single word to anyone else, not even his classmates.

"Mama's coming to pick me up today," Ryuto said in quiet voice as he looked up at Yuki. She could tell that his words were meant only for her, and, while that did make her feel a little happy and special, she knew that they wouldn't get far if he didn't try speaking to someone else. "You should come meet her. She said she really wants to meet you."

Yuki smiled politely, which Ryuto must have immediately recognized as a refusal since his eyes fell in disappointment. "I'm sorry, Ryuto," she apologized over the continuing arguments that Haku was trying to pull apart. "Kiyoteru is coming to visit. That's my grandfather," she added at his perplexed expression. "Not biologically, but he was Len's dad."

But Ryuto's head was tilted to the side still, and he mumbled, "Glasses . . . ." absently, his eyes scrunching together as though he were trying to fit in the last piece of a puzzle that simply didn't seem to be destined for that final slot.

Yuki stared at him curiously and wondered, "Do you know Kiyoteru?" One of the first things Yuki had noticed about him was his glasses, too. It seemed to be the man's most memorable feature, sadly enough.

Ryuto shook his head uncertainly.

Yuki's thoughts flew instantly elsewhere, however, when the shaking of his head slid a tiny portion of the hair flopped over Ryuto's forehead aside. Jerking swiftly toward him so that the boy couldn't react and push her away, Yuki pushed back his bangs and stared at his forehead, her stomach squeezing in discomfort when she saw a purpling bruise coupled with some tiny scratches. She stared at him in frustration and said, "What happened, Ryuto?"

He pulled back quickly, straightening his bangs back over the mark once he'd stepped back from Yuki, and averted his gaze. Yuki felt her frustration rising and wished Piko would stop fighting with Neru and get over here to help her with this. "I tripped," was his usual reply, being used once more without reason.

"Tell me the truth, Ryuto," Yuki said sternly, staring stubbornly at him even if he refused to look at her.

"I _am_," he insisted, a pout puckering his lips as he began to slide one hand up the opposite arm, which Yuki knew he commonly did when he was nervous.

Yuki felt her frustration rising as she pulled herself up straight, narrowing her eyes at the young boy. "There's nothing I can do to help you if you won't tell me who did this, Ryuto."

After a moment of silence from the young boy, he remarked, "I know."

She was beginning to get worried that she'd snap at him, so Yuki took a long breath and offered a hand to the boy once more. Tentatively, he accepted, looking up to her with a small amount of fright. In order to dispel his worrisome expression, yuki forced herself to offer him a small smile and told him, "I'll let it go for now, but you have to tell me eventually, okay?"

He didn't say anything, though, and Neru and Mizki had both chosen that time to abandon the boys and rush over to join Ryuto and Yuki, Mizki immediately linking her arm with Ryuto's as Neru laughed as swung an arm over Yuki's shoulders. Yuki smiled at her friend, whereas Ryuto was leaning into Yuki, trying to get as far from Mizki as possible and eyeing her like she was some dangerous predator. Mizki just smiled back, though, her eyes still glimmering with energy.

"Hurry up, you three," Neru called back to Piko, Yuuma, and Haku as she continued onward. "You're slowing the entire group down, you lazy creatures."

"Shut up," Piko replied, narrowing his eyes at her as he stood up and brushed himself off. Yuki giggled as she gazed at him. His clothes were completely covered in snow. He noticed her laughter and went bright red, looking away in embarrassment. Yuki's smile grew a little fonder, and redness touched her cheeks just a little more than what came from the cold.

"Ryuto and I are going to get married if you don't hurry up, Yuuma," Mizki called back. Ryuto's eyes widened in panic, and he looked desperately to Yuki. She refused to help him, though, knowing that he had to learn to express himself to his classmates. Mizki seemed to have a fondness for the boy, luckily, so Yuki was sure he'd open up if she kept up her persistence.

"Like I care," Yuuma sighed, though he accepted Haku's hand in walking back to the group all the same.

"Boo, you loser," Mizki whined, sticking her tongue out at the boy. "What's the point of having a childhood friend if he's not in love with you?"

"I loaned her some shoujo manga," Neru injected in explanation of the five-year-old's complaint. By then, they'd reached the school gates, so Neru proclaimed, "Okay, the lovebirds are heading home, so come here, shrimps." She was beckoning Ryuto and Mizki toward her, and, after a goodbye, Ryuto relinquished his grip on Yuki and hesitantly made his way toward Neru with Mizki still clinging to his arm. Then, she shooed Yuki and Piko away, saying, "Hurry up and leave before I have to see that awful woman." Which meant Rin.

Miki had to stay late for school today. Whenever that happened, Piko walking home with Yuki, Rin, and Iroha. Since Yuki's mothers were nowhere to be seen yet, Yuki took hold of Piko's hand and began to pull him aside. She wanted to talk about Ryuto's new mark, so she needed to get away from the group. He was gazing at her curiously, cheeks on fire, and had just opened his mouth to ask what she was doing when Rin's voice sounded.

"What do you think you're doing?" she clucked, a vague trace of irritation in her voice. When Yuki looked to her, she saw that Rin had her arms crossed over her chest, a scowl on her face, and her cheeks were red past the cold. Iroha, beside her, looked relatively relaxed, with a brighter smile on than usual. Yuki was easily able to recognize that Iroha had been teasing Rin, putting her into a slightly irritable mood.

"Nothing," Yuki excused quickly, dropping Piko's hand. "We were going to go play until you got here." She hadn't mentioned anything about Ryuto's marks to either of her mothers. Things hadn't been stable for that long at her home, and she didn't want to risk messing things up.

Rin rolled her eyes. "Well, we have to go. Kiyoteru's there already, and I don't want him snooping through my room."

Iroha was obviously in a good mood, because she teased, "I've seen everything you have in our room, Rin, so you'd better hope he doesn't go snooping."

"Shut up, you crazy kittyler. If anything, you should be embarrassed if he managed to find your collection of Hello Kitty diaries."

"Those are from high school!"

Rin was smirking at the other woman now, amused. "I bet they say stuff about your secret love for Len, huh?" It had become easier to say Len's name lately, much to Yuki's joy.

"Ew, never. He's not the one I was in love with."

Rin seemed tp think about this for a while before wondering, "Sensei, then?"

Iroha wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Okay, ew, no. Let's just go. I don't want to hear about your latent desires for that creepy old man."

Rin laughed and then asked Yuki and Piko, "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah," Yuki quickly agreed, her mind still on the bruise and scratches on Ryuto's forehead. She'd talk to Piko later. Tomorrow, after Kiyoteru had left, she'd go to his apartment and talk to him.

**Author's Note: I'm so sorry it took so long! Summer school has been much more time consuming than I thought it would be, and then I've had tons of drama in my life (family, friends, romance, you name it). My course is done on the 24****th****, so expect me to be back on schedule then! Thanks so much to those of you who sent me PMs asking about updates, it really made me want to write more! Check out my profile for my planned story update information.**


	23. For Christmas, I Want

**Author's Note: 'Ironya' is little Len's nickname for Iroha as a pun for her love of Hello Kitty (cats say nya).**

Chapter Twenty-Three

For Christmas, I Want . . .

"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!" came Yuki's repeated plea as she bounced from foot to foot at the apartment's door. Iroha closed the lid on a tin bento box and tucked it inside the purse she planned to carry as Rin made her way toward the child.

"Geez, just shush for a minute, would you?" the blonde groaned. Despite her tired words, when Iroha glanced toward her, she saw that Rin had kneeled in front of Yuki to check that all the buttons on the girl's coat were done up properly. "We'll go out when we're ready. There's no rush."

"If we don't go out soon, there won't be any of Christmas left!" Yuki argued, pouting at Rin. Iroha stifled a laugh and quickly checked that she'd turned off the stove's elements, pulling her purse over her shoulder when the job was complete and only stopping once more to check her appearance in the mirror.

"Christmas isn't going anywhere," Rin sighed. Then, with an audible grin, she added, "It's not like your boyfriend is going to be there, anyway."

Iroha tugged down irritably on a clump of her bangs that seemed determined to fly free. She'd gotten the rest of her appearance perfect, even the eyeliner she usually avoided applying. She'd gone for a darker pink lip gloss, hoping it suited her predominately red clothing, including the hand-knit muffler Len had made her back in middle school, but she looked at it now and wondered if she'd been too ambitious. She probably looked like a child playing dress up, given her infantile figure. With a sigh, Iroha acknowledged that there was nothing she could do about that.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Yuki exclaimed, her face going bright as her boot slammed against the floor. Acknowledging defeat, Iroha gave up on fixing those details and opted instead to pull a hat over her head to hold down her hair. "Pi-chan is just—"

Iroha knew that it was time to intervene before Yuki got too worked up and pushed herself over to the doorway, wondering, "So, are we going or not?"

But Rin refused to be swayed, grinning from ear to ear. "Pi-chan, huh? What does he call you? Yu-chan?"

"That's stupid!" Yuki argued, pouting at Rin. It made Iroha happy to see Yuki acting like a child, unlike the mature manner in which she usually held herself, but Rin acting like a child as well foreshadowed a long night. "Neru was the one who gave him the nickname, anyway! She and Haku use it all the time!"

Rin pulled herself up and opened the front door, her eyes closed gracefully before she peeked at Yuki with a teasing expression. "Yeah, but they're not in love with Piko."

Yuki's face turned the same shade as her favourite Cortland apples as Rin dashed out into the hallway, laughing. The girl chased after her, calling, "I'm not in love with him! Pi-chan is my friend!"

With a sigh, Iroha closed the door behind them and locked it shut, slipping the key into her purse and listening to it clang against the bento box and thermos of hot cocoa. She'd considered making café au lait, but she knew that Yuki still didn't find that sweet enough, though Rin might argue that hot cocoa was too sweet. Still, as a parent, the child had to come first.

She paused once she'd closed the door, echoes of Len sparking in her mind.

"_Hey, Ironya, wanna go out for Christmas?" Len wondered. The aforementioned eight-year-old girl paused to consider his offer, coming to an abrupt decision the moment her classmates' whispers met her ears._

"_I knew he liked her," came one._

"_No, _she_ likes_ him_. He's just being nice," was the second._

"_I think they'd be cute together, don't you?" was the last Iroha heard before turning on them with blazing eyes._

"_So what if we like each other?" she snapped to them, even though she knew neither of them liked the other. "You're just jealous! Len-Len and I are gonna go have an awesome Christmas, so be jealous!"_

She smiled fondly. She and Len had spent every Christmas together, even after he and Rin had gotten together. He'd force Iroha to tag along for at least half of the day, but she grew too jealous of seeing the two of them together to stick around for more than that. Couples needed their alone time, after all, and, since she was bound to stay single forever, she had to get used to Christmas alone.

This was her first Christmas without Len.

"Are you coming, Mama?"

Iroha jumped at Yuki's voice and looked to the stairway, where Rin and Yuki, both with a fresh layer of snow dampening their clothing, had returned to gaze at her. Iroha stared back at them, still stuck in her thoughts, until Rin's voice came through.

"Come on, Iroha. We have to go now if we want to be there when the snow starts falling."

The snow for the night was scheduled to start approximately two hours before midnight. While Rin and Iroha usually made Yuki go to bed much earlier, even during the winter break, the girl had expressed a strong desire to see the snowfall on Christmas, so they'd made an exception. Slowly, Iroha felt a smile draw up the corners of her mouth. Now wasn't the time to get depressed thinking about the past. There was nothing she could do about it, after all.

"Sorry, I'm coming," Iroha promised, following with, "I wasn't sure I'd turned off the stove and just wanted to make sure."

"Christmas is gonna be over by the time we get into town," Yuki was still insisting as she dashed down the stairs, turning to look back at her mothers when she reached the bottom as Rin awaited Iroha's arrival by her side.

"Calm down, Yuki," Rin insisted. "Where's your Christmas spirit? Christmas isn't over just because the clock said so. Why don't you run on ahead, and we'll catch up?"

Yuki's eyes sparkled with excitement, and she agreed swiftly, "Kay!" Turning her back to them, she dashed off, barely catching it when Iroha called for her to stay in the parking lot. Then, once she was gone, Iroha felt Rin take her hand in her own and looked to her curiously.

"It's okay," Rin said with a soft smile. It was reminiscent of the Rin that had existed with Len, making Iroha ache a little inside as she realized not for the first time that Rin would never be the same woman she had been then. "We don't have Len this year, but we have each other. And Yuki."

Iroha nearly jerked away, startled that Rin had noticed what she'd been thinking. After hearing it mentioned, Iroha felt tears spike her eyes and fought desperately to hold them back. All this work on her makeup hadn't been so that she could screw it up before they even left the building. She looked stubbornly away, knowing that seeing any grief in Rin's eyes would make her start crying instantly. "Yeah."

Then, still holding Iroha's hand, Rin let their hands fall between them and began to walk, saying to her companion, "Yuki's really restless tonight, huh? We should make this her best Christmas, okay? It's our first Christmas with her."

_This could have been yours and Len's first Christmas as a married couple._

Iroha banished that thought quickly, knowing that Rin was probably thinking it too. It was a useless thought that had no place to be roaming in her mind, she reminded herself. Instead, she smiled, remembering the beauty of the Christmas season, knowing that sharing this with Yuki was more important than sharing it with Len's memory.

. . .

"Wow!" Yuki breathed, loosening her grip on Rin and Iroha's hands to rush into the town square, pushing past love struck couples in order to make her way toward the tree that stood in the middle, coated with twinkling orbs, tinsel, candy cans, and green and red lights. She looked back to her mothers, joy shining in her eyes, and beckoned them forward with a, "Hurry up, Mom, Mama! I wanna see the tree up close!"

"Go on without us," Iroha replied over the crowd, smiling at the girl. After giving a tiny pout, she agreed to go if Iroha and Rin promised to join her in a few minutes. With a word of consent, Iroha watched the child run off toward the tree and continued her leisurely pace alongside Rin.

"Hey, Iroha?" came Rin's voice among the conversations buzzing around them.

"Yeah?" Iroha wondered, lulled into a sense of comfort by the Christmas air around her. It had always been her favourite time of year; Len's, too.

"Don't you have someone you want to spend Christmas with?" Iroha almost flinched at those words, but she stopped herself and listened to Rin. "Yuki would understand, you know."

Iroha smiled guiltily and looked away, knowing she should tell Rin that there _was_ someone she wanted to spend Christmas but opting instead to say, "I'm perfectly happy spending Christmas with you two."

Rin smiled and looked away, quietly saying, "I'm glad."

When she felt Rin's fingers touch hers, grabbing her hand, Iroha pulled away. Rin froze and looked at her curiously. Uncertainly, Iroha said, "Don't you think it would be odd for us to be holding hands on Christmas?"

"It'll be fine," Rin insisted, taking Iroha's hand more aggressively this time vague annoyance showing in her gaze. "Girls hold hands all the time. No one will look twice at us."

Hesitantly, Iroha agreed, "Okay."

Then, the two made their way toward the tree, coming up on either side of Yuki, their hands locked behind her head. Eagerly, she began cheering about the tree. Rin and Iroha smiled and agreed to everything she said, amazed that she could talk so much about one tree. She only stopped when the snow started.

"Wow!" Yuki cried out, ducking out from under Iroha's and Rin's hands and dashing out toward the nearest clearing she could find among the couples in order to spread her arms out and reach for the snow. "Look at the snow! Mom! Mama!"

"Yuki!"

It wasn't Iroha who called that out, nor was it the woman beside her, so the three paused to find the source. Almost immediately, they spotted the yellow-haired girl with a Christmas clip tucked into her long side ponytail. Alongside her were Piko, Haku, Lily, and Miki. With a large wave, Neru dashed toward Yuki, the others following more slowly.

"Yuki, come play with us instead of that evil woman!" Neru requested, obviously talking about Rin.

"Who invited the brat?" breathed Rin, just loud enough for Neru to hear so that she turned to glare viciously at the woman. Iroha stifled a laugh. Then, louder, Rin remarked, "It looks like you get to spend Christmas with your boyfriend then, Yuki."

By then, the rest of the group had caught up, and Piko's and Yuki's faces caught on fire as they cried out in unison, "She/he isn't my girl/boyfriend!"

"Yeah, yeah," Rin laughed, waving their concerns off dismissively.

"Yuki, why don't you join us?" Miki requested with a polite smile to the girl before looking to Iroha and Rin. "I think it would be nice to give the adults some time alone."

Iroha's face burned red at the knowing look in Miki's eyes, and she turned her gaze away, refusing to acknowledge it. Sure enough, Yuki was more than happy to join her friends, leaving Iroha and Rin alone to watch the couples around them in a peaceful silence. Then, Iroha decided to speak the thoughts that weighed on her mind.

"I bet you'd rather be spending today with Len, huh?" she laughed softly, trying to keep the pain out of her voice as she thought of her beloved childhood friend.

"Yeah," Rin agreed, but she looked to Iroha afterward with a smile and added, giving her hand a squeeze, "but you're a close second."

**Author's Note: It's Christmas in July!**


	24. I Want to Tell You

Chapter Twenty-Four

I Want to Tell You . . .

There was laughter coming from Yuki's room as Rin ducked down to search for soy sauce in the fridge. She listened to Yuki and her friends' laughter absently, making a mental note to buy more vegetables tomorrow. Then, she pulled herself up and closed her fridge, the bottle she'd been searching for before now in her hand. With a sigh, she looked at the pile of vegetables on the counter. Yuki had her friends over, and Neru and Haku were going to stay for the night, so Rin knew it was her responsibility to make supper since Iroha was still at the office. However, the only dish she'd even consider making in such a quantity was fried rice, which required a painful amount of vegetable chopping.

She stared at the vegetables for a moment, unsure whether she was attempting to use psychic powers to will them to be chopped or if she was merely procrastinating her work. In any case, in the end, she resolved to her fate with a sigh and began to wash the bell peppers she'd gathered. Just as she was about to start chopping one, she heard the front door open, and a voice called out to her.

"Rin, Yuki, I'm back!" Iroha called, shedding her coat and winter boots before peeking into the kitchen and joining Rin. She gazed at the piled vegetables and wondered, "What are you making?"

"Fried rice," Rin replied, glowering down at the cutting board. Why couldn't they just come pre-cut?

Iroha tilted her head to the side and wondered, "Oh, you went grocery shopping?"

Rin paused and looked to Iroha curiously. "No. I'm just using what we have."

Iroha rolled her eyes with a grin and remarked, "You don't have much memory for this kind of stuff, do you, Rin? We used up the last of the rice yesterday, remember? You said you'd pick some up on your way home from work on Monday."

Well _now_ Rin remembered. Suddenly, an idea grabbed onto her mind, and she placed her knife back onto the cutting board. "I'll go get the rice," she offered, hiding her triumphant grin. "Can you chop the vegetables and watch the kids while I'm out?"

Iroha sighed, though, immediately identifying that Rin's intention in this plan was to get out of the tiresome stage in this recipe. Rin had assumed she would; Iroha knew her well, after all. "I just got home, Rin," she complained.

Rin put on her best pout and begged, "C'mon, Iroha! I've been watching the kids all day! I just want some fresh air!"

"I've been working all day," argued the woman, though she'd already taken the knife in hand and grabbed a carrot.

"I'll bring home some cake for everyone," Rin promised, despite that making absolutely no difference on the current situation. Still, Iroha had begrudgingly begun to dice the carrot, so Rin beamed and said, "You're the best, Iroha! I love you!"

"Just hurry up and get back," Iroha sighed, but it was obvious that she was holding back a smile.

"I will," Rin agreed, quickly departing from the kitchen and pausing at the entrance to stuff her feet in her boots. She took a moment to consider whether wearing Len's old muffler would be a good idea and called to Iroha, "Hey, Iroha, how cold out is it?"

"I knew it!" came the reply that wasn't Iroha's. Rin felt her smile melt into a frown as she glared at the child who'd exited the room, a little blonde girl whose eyes shone with a challenge as she pointed at Rin, the other kids peering out of Yuki's room to see what was going on. "You're trying to run away, aren't you? I thought we were going to settle this once and for all with a game of Old Maid!"

"That's how you're going to settle it?" Piko mumbled behind her. "A game of Old Maid? That's so stupid."

"What exactly does she have to settle?" Haku whispered to Yuki, who shrugged.

"You're stupid," Neru barked back to Piko, but she refused to give up the gaze she'd locked on Rin's. "So, are you running away, old lady?"

"Just wait and see, shrimp," Rin replied with a scowl. "I'm heading out to run a couple errands, but I'll be back in due time to settle this." Rin had no idea exactly what they were settling, either, but she knew that there was no way she was going to tolerate this child's attitude.

Yuki had been looking around, and she now noticed Iroha and wondered, "Oh, Mama, when did you get home? Welcome back."

"I'm back," Iroha replied with a light chuckle. "I haven't been for long. Rin's just going to run some errands for me, so you four go back into Yuki's room and continue whatever you were doing while we finish supper."

As Neru released a hefty sigh of relief, her face lit into a smirk. "That's good," she remarked. "I wasn't sure I could trust the old lady's cooking."

Rin's face caught in flames of anger and humiliation. Sure, she wasn't the best cook around, and it took her quite a few tries to even get something to taste decent, but she'd improved a lot since high school! But, instead of arguing, she took the high road. She slipped into her winter jacket, stuff gloves and a hat into her pockets, and wound the muffler around her neck. "I'm going now," she said, mainly to Iroha.

"Take care of yourself," Yuki replied as she followed her friends back into her bedroom. Tossing a final smile at Rin, she disappeared inside, and Rin disappeared out.

When she made it outside, she was startled by the sharp bite of the cold. A fresh blanket of ice had settled along the browned snow of the parking lot, indicating that they must have had freezing rain. It still wasn't too late out, as well, but the sky was turned an ashen grey with storm clouds in order to block out all remaining flashes of sunlight. Tugging her hat over her head and ears while yanking gloves over her fingers, she cast her eyes about the sullen greyness of her scenery, contrasting sharply with those few brightly-coloured cars among the blacks and silvers of the others.

"Dammit," Rin muttered to herself as she began to walk. It was hard to tell who had gotten the better side of the deal, her or Iroha. In any case, she was stuck with this job now, so she might as well get it done quickly.

The streets were relatively busy, considering the weather. There were less people out than usual, at the very least, so, luckily, there were fewer people to witness the shameful moment when Rin slipped on the ice. Scowling to mask her embarrassment, she scrambled back up on the slippery surface and continued on her way to the grocery store.

She didn't make it to the grocery store, though. She froze right as she was about to enter when she heard a familiar voice. A sense of dread ran over her, and she squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to see this person, not now, not ever.

Then, Rin paused and opened her eyes. What was she thinking? This was a sign, a rare opportunity. It was embarrassing, humiliating, yes, but it was something she'd hate herself forever for if she didn't do it. So, releasing the handle to the grocery store's door, she turned toward the voice, her heart skipping a beat as she recognized the figure. Yes, it was her. So, after taking a breath to steady herself, Rin began to walk briskly toward the woman who'd caught her sights and called, "Aria!"

The aforementioned woman froze and glanced back, a phone glued to her ear as she continued talking. Her eyes narrowed when she spotted Rin, so Rin tried to offer a smile, but Aria looked away and continued walking, picking up her pace. Rin scowled, speeding herself up as well. She could understand completely why Aria hated her. She deserved it, after all the things she'd said to the woman when she'd been caring for Rin after Len's death, but Rin was trying to make up for it. She wasn't that woman anymore. She wasn't the woman Len had known, either, however, or the one Aria had known all these years. A seed of doubt began to bloom in Rin's heart, so her pace slowed, unlike Aria's.

_No, Rin, what are you doing?_ she argued with herself, shaking off the cobwebs and picking up her pace again, determination shining in her blue eyes. Angrily, she called to Aria, "Aria, get your ass back here, or I'll tell Leon about everything you did that night you got drunk at Len's house!"

Aria glared over her shoulder and began walking faster, covering the speech receptor on her cell phone to growl back, "You don't even have my goddamn number, Rin, and I'm not ever going to give it to you, so stay the hell away from me."

Rin flinched. Aria's harshness was the harshest bite Rin had ever experienced, but she knew that she herself had been far worse in those weeks after Len's death. She'd been far worse to Iroha, to Yuki. They had no reason to forgive her, nor did Aria, but Rin wanted to at least be able to apologize. So, pretending that the words hadn't hurt as much as they had, Rin brought her speed up once more and called to Aria, "I heard from Iroha that you and Leon moved to England! What's that about? How are you liking it?"

Aria stopped then and whipped around to face Rin, who nearly crashed into her. Eyes flaring with hatred, Aria wondered, "What right do you think you have to talk to me after everything, Rin? I did my best to be there for you after everything. I was there for you after Len died for as long as I could bear, and I was there for you when . . . when . . . ." She didn't seem to be able to force out the words, her eyes brimming with angry tears, but Rin knew exactly what moment she meant to say.

"I know," Rin stated, keeping quiet after that. She knew Aria. Aria had once been her best friend, after all. She knew that Aria had to yell when she was angry, that she had to let it all out before anyone could talk to her. She didn't want anyone to understand, not really. She didn't want an apology. She just wanted them to listen.

"I get it," she snapped, finally releasing all the anger she'd pent up since Len had been killed. "I get that Len is dead. I get that it sucks. I get that you feel for him just like I do for Leon. I get it, I get it, I get it. But it doesn't give you an excuse to act the way you did! I'll never forgive you for any of the things you said back then, and I'll never understand why it is she let you talk to her that way!" Iroha, she meant. "You should have been left by yourself to do whatever you goddamn wanted to after he died! You should have just died if you wanted to, Rin, instead of hating anyone who tried to help you! You should have just died with him! You would have been happier that way, wouldn't you?" Her rage only made the glimmering tears in her eyes seem harsher, allowing no weakness to shine through. "All I goddamn wanted was to make you happy again, Rin, but instead you just decided to make Iroha and I miserable, so why didn't you just die instead and save us the wasted months?" She offered no mercy to Rin, who wanted nothing more than to look away. She stared Rin right in the eyes and said, "You told me to go die so many times, Rin. Do you understand how that feels now? Do you know what it's like to have you best friend say that you'd be better off dead?"

"I understand," Rin told her, trembling now. The relationship between them had been riven, then, when Rin had told her those things, and there was no way to mend it? She felt sick, but she didn't let it show. If she broke down, it would all be for nothing. It was Aria's turn to break down, not hers.

"Don't apologize," Aria commanded, just a little softer now as the flames in her eyes began to die down. "It's obvious in your eyes that you're sorry now, but you weren't back then, so it makes no difference." She paused for a moment to flip her phone shut, obviously having forgotten that she'd been on a call in the first place. Whoever it had been must have gotten and earful. "I didn't mean it though, Rin. I don't want you to die, and I never did, so please don't die, but, please, don't ever try to contact me again."

"I understand," replied Rin quietly, unable to mask the severe pain stabbing her heart. _I shouldn't have said anything,_ she told herself, now regretting acknowledging Aria's presence. She would have been happier knowing that, maybe, one day, they could have been friends again. She thought of Aria's smiles back in high school, her laugh, all the times they'd stay up late together talking on the phone on school nights. She thought of Aria coming over to go out drinking after her first day on the job after college, thought of every single moment she'd spent with Aria. Knowing that she could never have another moment like that was just so painful.

And she wasn't even allowed to apologize.

"Good," Aria said, turning away before Rin could read her expression. "Then we're done here."

"Yeah," Rin replied, trying not to sound too upset. She had no right to make Aria feel guilty. "Bye, then."

"Bye," Aria replied, and she walked away without another word.

**Author's Note: And we finally meet Aria. Present-time Aria, that is.**


	25. I Know You Have a Secret, So Will You

Chapter Twenty-Five

I Know You Have a Secret, So Will You Tell Me . . .

"I miss Mizki," Neru sighed, leaning back against Yuki's bed. "It sucks to not get to see that awesome little dude every day. I bet she misses her big sis, too."

Yuki peered carefully at the backs of the cards Haku had spread between her hands and hovered her hand over the furthest left. Watching for any shift in Haku's ever-anxious expression, she let her fingers lightly touch the card. Seeing no shift in Haku, she pulled the card out of her grips and spun it toward herself. She tried not to let her disappointment show when she saw that it was the queen of spades. They were far from done this game, though. She could still win.

"You're not even her big sister, Neru!" Piko snapped, looking to the blonde girl as Yuki offered him her hand of cards. Without paying much mind to what he was doing, he snatched a card at random. Yuki beamed. He'd grabbed the old maid already! She saw the flash of annoyance in his eye when he looked to his new hand before turning to let Neru pick one of his cards. "_I'm_ her big _brother_."

"Yeah, but she doesn't like you," Neru said casually, reaching immediately for the card he'd just grabbed. Yuki sighed, smiling. Those two weren't even paying attention to the game, were they?

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Neru," Haku warned softly.

Neru whipped her head toward the silver-haired girl and cried, "Don't tell me what to do!" Then, the temperamental girl snatched the queen from Piko's hand, looked at it, and drooped.

"She tried to warn you," Piko chastised. "That's what you get for being stupid."

"Before you attack Piko, Neru," Yuki interrupted, seeing that the girl was getting riled up, "we'll be counting it as trying to cheat and see his cards, so you'll have to forfeit the game."

"What?" Neru exclaimed, outraged. "That's not fair!"

Haku had plucked a card from Neru's hand then, and her eyes filled to the brim with tears as she whined, "No! I didn't mean to grab that one!"

"That was a pretty useless round," Piko remarked just as Yuki perked up at the sound of Iroha talking. Rin must have gotten home, then.

"I'll be right back," she said apologetically, setting her hand face-down on the carpet and standing up. Then, seeing Haku looking at her a little sadly, Yuki quickly grabbed a card at random from the girl and glanced at it. Seven of hearts. She didn't have a seven, so she added it to her hand and headed out of the room.

"I guess I really screwed it up," came Rin's near-whisper, disappointment and pain heavy in her voice. "I really thought things would be better if I apologized. Between you, Yuki, and Kiyoteru, I guess I just got cocky. She had no reason to forgive me, after all. None of you did."

Yuki paused, realizing that maybe she shouldn't have come out to see Rin, but she couldn't help herself from continuing to listen as Iroha murmured, "I want to say that maybe she'll forgive you if you give her time—"

She was cut off by a mirthless laugh from Rin. "I know. Don't bother. I know how Aria is. She broke it off with her childhood friend, after all, after everything happened. Her loyalty is great until you screw her over."

"She really did love you, though, Rin," Iroha said consolingly. Yuki couldn't resist the urge to peer around the corner to gaze into the kitchen, where Rin stood, still clothed in the coat and accessories she'd taken outside, as Iroha stroked her arm and gazed at her sympathetically. "She would have stayed by your side to the end if everything hadn't turned out the way it did."

"Make sure you still go see her, okay, Iroha?" Rin requested, looking away until her eyes fell on the pile of diced vegetables Iroha had been working at. "She's still your friend, and she's already lost three of her closest friends."

"Rin, not even you could keep me away from Aria," Iroha laughed delicately, her face indecisive as she carefully studied Rin's reaction. "She and I really hit it off when you introduced us."

"You never hit it off with my other friends, though," Rin remarked, lifting her hand up to the base of the scarf as it rested on her chest, lingering for a moment before she began to pull it off. Iroha was gazing at her worriedly, so Rin smiled and comforted, "Don't worry, Iroha. I'm fine. I'm over it."

Iroha didn't smile, though, and her eyes had darkened as she stared at Rin and argued, "I don't think anyone will ever be over that, Rin."

Rin's smile grew rueful, and she said quietly, "At least let me pretend that I'm okay, Iroha. It's easier that way."

Iroha stared at her for a moment before murmuring, "Alright." Then, with a smile, she looked toward the vegetables and said, "Let's get to work, shall we?"

Yuki slipped back into her room, knowing better than to ask her mothers about what she'd just heard. She'd heard similar statements before, after all. She'd tried asking Iroha about it before, but the woman had just brushed it off and changed the subject, just like both the women had just done. There was something they didn't want to tell Yuki, and she knew that there was nothing she could say to convince them, so she simply feigned innocence.

"It's your turn, Yuki," Piko informed her as she took a seat on the ground again, folding her legs underneath her so that she sat a little bit taller than usual. She'd picked up that manner of sitting from Neru, who was just a little shorter than her, and it really helped out in making her feel better about her height. She was only as tall as ten big apples, after all, whereas Piko and Haku were both about eleven and a half, Neru coming only to about nine and a half.

Haku was offering her hand out with a sweet smile, so Yuki plucked a card. King of clubs. She paired it with the king of diamonds she was already holding and tossed it in the centre pile. She only had three cards now as she swiveled her body to offer Piko the choice of one of her cards. He took the three of clubs, leaving her with two cards, and tossed his newfound pair into the centre. Neru took one of Piko's five remaining cards and paired it with one of her own. Haku took one of Neru's two remaining, but she had no matches. Yuki took another card, almost unable to hide her aggravation when she saw the queen's face. The game continued until only Piko and Yuki were left, she with the jack of hearts and the queen of spades and he with what must have been a jack.

"I'm bored now," Neru announced as Piko studied Yuki's hand, reaching for the queen. When he grabbed it, she grabbed his other card with a triumphant smile and stuck her tongue out at him. The blonde girl stood and headed toward Yuki's chest of drawers. "I forgot pyjamas, so I'm going to borrow some, okay?"

Yuki felt redness come to her cheeks and looked away from Piko to say, "I'll loan you some when we're going to sleep, so don't go through my stuff." _Especially in front of Piko,_ she silently added to herself.

"What difference does it make?" Neru questioned, looking back with a scowl. She'd already opened the drawers. Then, she smirked, and wondered, "What, do you just have dorky little-kid pyjamas that you don't want Piko to see?"

Piko's cheeks seemed to go just as red as Yuki's at the accusation, and he snapped at her, "Sit down and leave her alone, Neru."

"Um," piped up Haku. Piko and Yuki looked to her curiously as she gazed at her feet. Neru was still going through the drawers, regardless of Yuki and Piko's requests. Haku was fidgeting restlessly, her face bright red, as she wondered, "Piko, um, do you, you know?" Piko and Yuki's heads tilted to side in sync, neither understanding what she was asking. Haku squeezed her eyes shut in embarrassment and questioned, "Do you like Yuki, Piko?"

"What?" both Piko and Yuki exclaimed, the completed card game absolutely forgotten as they looked at her in shock. Yuki turned to look at Piko to see his reaction, but he was already staring at her, and it was just so embarrassing, so she quickly looked away.

"D-don't be silly." Yuki laughed painfully. "Pi-chan doesn't like me! We're just really good friends; best friends, right?"

"R-right!" Piko insisted. Yuki flinched. She didn't know why, but it really hurt to hear him say that. There was a sharp tang of disappointment flavouring the tip of her tongue as she curled her hands on her knees and stared at the carpet, unable to look at anyone. "Yuki and I are just friends!"

_Just friends._ That was exactly what Yuki had said, right, so why did it hurt so much more coming from him?

. . .

"You know, Yuki, you'd have better luck with guys if you had sexy pyjamas," Neru announced that night after supper had finished and Piko had left. Yuki felt a trace of discomfort at that word. She didn't understand how it was Neru could say so many of the things she did so casually.

"We're nine years old, Neru!" Haku argued on Yuki's behalf. "You shouldn't be wearing se- . . . se- . . ." Yuki smiled gratefully at Haku, even more grateful knowing that Haku was just as uncomfortable with the words as she was. "Besides, you're not one to talk! You don't have a boyfriend!"

"That's because boys are all scumbags," Neru reasoned casually, dismissing Haku's comment with a wave of her hand as she lounged across Yuki's bed. Yuki couldn't help but be jealous about how much better her own pyjamas looked on Neru. Despite the kitten print all over the powder pink pants, the way Neru stretched across the bed and allowed the tank top to show just a flash of her stomach made her look so much more grown-up. Yuki couldn't stop the thought that maybe Piko would like her if she looked grown-up like Neru. "That's what my big sis says."

"Len wasn't a scumbag!" Yuki argued, pouting defensively. She loved Len. He would come visit her all the time, and he was really nice and everything.

"There's bound to be a few exceptions, but, trust me, Piko isn't one of them," Neru told her. "I'd give up if I were you. That's what I'm gonna tell Mizki about Ryuto. She's just as obvious as you and Piko."

Yuki's brow furrowed in concentration. "Mizki likes Ryuto?"

Neru sighed. "You and Haku are hopeless. She wouldn't even know you liked Piko if I hadn't told her. Lost causes, the two of you."

"You sound like an old woman," Yuki muttered vengefully, resulting in a pillow to the face that only made her laugh and grin. It didn't surprise her when Neru began throwing pillows at random, soon causing all three girls to get carried away in an over-the-top pillow fight until Iroha came in and told them that it was time to go to sleep.


	26. If I Accept Your Apology, Does That Mean

Chapter Twenty-Six

If I Accept Your Apology, Does That Mean . . .

It was this time of year that Iroha hated most.

The long nights, reminding her of nights when the girls would sleep over at Aria's apartment during high school, sleeping during the short day and seeing if they could stay awake from nightfall to daybreak. The cold weather, making her painfully alert of every painful memory that still lingered in her mind, more poignant now than ever. The reminder of what had once existed in these days, that one moment when blissfulness and innocence were both shredded into unrecognizable bits, leaving scars on Iroha, Aria, and the sharpest on Rin.

On one of those nights, right at the end of it, the time right before morning, Iroha was dashing around the house, gathering the sheets she'd left scattered the previous night, when a knock came on the door. She quickly glanced toward it but decided against answering since she really didn't have the time. Yuki was still sound asleep despite the fact that it was almost noon since today was the last day of her vacation, and Rin had already left for work. Iroha had managed to get permission to work from home today, but she'd left her work thrown about the house last night. She usually stayed home this time of year, her boss had remarked, and she'd laughed it off innocently, but she knew very well that she did. She couldn't stand being around people this time of year. She was nearly a different person, a person barely recognizable if she didn't play pretend and act like who she usually was.

When the knocking came again, Iroha felt a prickle of annoyance but headed to the door, anyway. She forced herself to pretend that she was the same person she always was when she opened to Miki's apologetic face, Piko by her side, and the other woman immediately requested, "Could you please watch Piko for the day?"

Iroha was startled, but a dark suspicion surfaced quickly enough as she tried to find Miki's hidden motive. Miki had never come and asked her to watch Piko. She usually asked indirectly, through Yuki, and only ever did so when she was completely desperate since she could usually pawn her brother off on Neru's parents. Iroha and Miki hadn't gotten along well ever since that argument they'd had about Rin's behaviour toward Yuki, and Miki's feelings toward Rin were still rather unclear. Catching Iroha's mood, Piko insisted, "I'm okay on my own, Miki."

"No, you're not," Iroha interrupted, reacting quickly when she saw Miki's fidgeting and frantic gaze. She look some pity on the woman, at least, which was a lot coming from Iroha on one of these nights that followed the New Year. "He can stay here for the day. I'll wake Yuki up. When are you going to be back?"

"Around six," Miki replied, nudging her brother forward with a grateful smile. If she was uncomfortable leaving him in Iroha's care, she didn't show it. She seemed to have much more pressing matter to worry about. "I'm sorry, but I really have to run. Thank you so much for this."

"Yeah, no problem," replied Iroha, gently guiding Piko into the apartment. She eyed Miki suspiciously, however, once Piko's back was turned, but Miki wouldn't meet her gaze. To free the woman, Iroha said, "Go do whatever it is you have to do."

Miki disappeared then, and Iroha closed the door behind the young boy, wondering what it was that was bothering her child's teacher. But Iroha, too, had more pressing matters, more important problems to dwell on as she headed into her daughter's room and gently shook the child awake.

. . .

"Our parents passed away just a few days before my high school graduation."

Miki said those words before Iroha asked later that day, cherry eyes on the cup of coffee in her grasp. She'd cupped her hands around the mug for warmth, looking up only to offer a grateful smile to Ring when the waitress placed a small piece of cake before her and one before Iroha. The girl sensed the mood and politely headed back to her other customers without a single word.

Rin had come home about an hour before Miki had returned. The teacher had requested to speak to Iroha, not Rin, and left the children in Rin's care while the two other women headed to the café Yuki enjoyed frequenting. Iroha had thought to grab her wallet, luckily enough, though Miki had forgotten hers. Iroha had insisted on treating her despite her dislike for the woman who'd accused Rin of such terrible things. Iroha glanced out the window to see how far the darkness had fallen already despite the still early hour of the evening.

Miki seemed more reserved than usual, twisting the mug back and forth within her grasp as a tell for her nervousness. She continued to speak with confidence, however, and said, "They were going to America for business, but their plane never reached there. I got the call at exactly four seventeen in the morning. I was barely awake, and I was still a teenager at that. I couldn't properly process what the people on the line were saying, and I fell asleep with the phone still against my ear. It wasn't until I woke up that I realized that it hadn't just been a dream."

Iroha didn't know why it was Miki was telling her this, and, in her current state, wasn't interested in this story in the least. Sure, she would have liked some explanation for Piko being left in her care that morning, but wasn't this a little much to be telling her? Miki had made it clear that she wasn't a true fan of Iroha or Rin, after all. As Miki's eyes remained on her coffee, Iroha's remained equally on the steaming cup of tea Ring had placed before her.

"Piko was a baby at the time. He was barely a year old, but my parents trusted me with him. So, when my aunt came to tell me that she'd be adopting him and that I'd be living with my other aunt until I figured out what I was doing with my life, I argued vehemently." She laughed without humour, bringing Iroha's eyes up to her, but the other woman was still staring down at her coffee. "I guess, in the end, I kidnapped Piko." She stared ruefully at the swirling steam, raising her gaze only a little. "I took him in the dead of night and came here. Of course, in that moment of passion, I didn't realize how completely useless that was. It wasn't like I could leave Piko alone all day and work, right? Somebody had to take care of him.

"I met Lily by chance. She was my waitress at this café, actually." She gesticulated about herself, so Iroha cast her gaze around the room, vaguely interested by Miki's sullen tone. "She listened to my story, and she got me a job here. She's a couple years younger than me, but, even back then, she already knew what she was doing with her life. She was going to be working at the local elementary school when she graduated, she said, to look over her little sister. Neru was Piko's age, of course, so she understood a little why I refused to let anyone take him away.

"She took him in, really. Her parents did, at least. When she explained everything to them, they took pity on us and took Piko in so that I could work during the day and pay them back for everything. There were times when I wouldn't see my little brother for weeks on end. My hours were too strenuous, and life really sucked sometimes, especially when I couldn't see him to remind myself why I was doing it all. It changed once I got the teaching job, though. Luckily, no one here seems to want to get into education, so they accepted me despite my lack of qualifications. Piko was four at the time, so he was starting school, too. He didn't like me at first when I had him move back in with me. Lily and Neru and their parents were his family, after all, not me. He warmed up to me eventually, but those first few months were absolute hell."

She looked up at me now and stated, "You're wondering why the hell I'm telling you all of this, aren't you?"

Hesitantly, Iroha nodded and further elaborated, "It's pretty out of the blue, and I don't see what you get out of telling me all this. I'm not going to give Yuki up for what might be the better, if that's what you're trying to tell me."

Miki laughed softly and shook her head, smiling delicately. "No, it's not that at all. It's quite the opposite, really." Iroha flinched at the screeching of the chair against the floor as Miki pushed back from the table. Then, tension ran through the kittyler, her cheeks going bright red as Miki came to her knees on the floor and pressed her forehead against the tiles. "I sincerely want to apologize to you, Iroha, for everything I've said against you and Rin these past months. I failed to see the similarities in our situations. Just like I couldn't let them take Piko away, you won't let anyone that Yuki away. She may not be related to you by blood, but she's still your daughter."

Iroha stood up frantically, feeling gazes on her and Miki, and dashed to the other woman, forcefully pulling her to her feet. She didn't want to deal with more people than she had to, especially the nosy people whose attention they'd attracted. "Okay, okay, no need to go overboard. Just apologize if you really have to."

Miki stared Iroha straight in the eyes, determination lingering in her starry gaze, and said, "I'm incredibly sorry that I misjudged your intentions in raising Yuki, Iroha. From what I've heard from Piko, I have no doubt in my heart that both you and Rin are meant to be her parents."

After guiding Miki back into her seat and taking her own once more, Iroha questioned sharply, "Why now, Miki? You've had tons of time to apologize."

Miki's gaze fell once more, and she murmured softly, "I need you to take care of Piko for me."

Iroha blinked at her, not understanding, and questioned, "What? Why?"

Miki's face was flushed with shame as she drew her drink to her lips and took a slow sip, buying herself time to compose herself. The mug clinked softly against the table as she lowered it once more. "I've managed to keep myself hidden for eight years, but my past finally caught up with me." Her eyes were flaring with anger, oddly out of character for the composed woman, as she glowered at the tabletop. "After all this time I've spent raising Piko, my aunt finally found me, and she wants to take him back. My parents' last wills vote in her favour, but I don't want her to. She's a rotten woman." Iroha didn't miss the gleam of tears in Miki's frustrated gaze, but they both still sat stiff, Iroha unable to bring herself to comfort the woman she was beginning to sympathize with and Miki clearly unable to hold herself back otherwise. Iroha's resentment for the woman hadn't yet faded, though she knew it would someday soon. "I placed first in my class for the final exams, missing only one point. Do you know what my aunt said when she found out? She didn't smile or congratulate me. All she said was 'What happened to the last point? This is nothing to be proud of. You two coddle her too much.'" She squeezed her eyes shut, and a teardrop fell, shattering against the tabletop as she curled her hands into fists on her lap and shook her head. "I'll never let that woman talk to my baby brother like that, never."

They fell into silence then, and Iroha felt Ring's worried gaze wandering over from the table she was serving. Iroha tried to see things from Miki's perspective, despite having a lingering distaste for that woman.

If Yuki were to be taken by the person Iroha hated most, what would Rin do? Rin would do everything to get her back, of course. If the same thing happened to, say, Ryuto, what would Rin do? It would matter so much to Yuki that Rin would do anything to protect him, even if it meant fleeing into the night. Justice ran strongly in Rin, just as it seemed to in Miki. But what about Iroha?

Had she been in Miki's situation, Iroha would have resolved to her fate and gone to boarding school, leaving Piko with a woman she knew to be terrible. She would have left Len behind, left everyone behind, and done what she was told. She'd never have fought back. She wasn't like these people. She wasn't like Len, or Rin, or Aria, or Miki, or Lily. She wanted to protect Yuki and Rin for selfish purposes. She wasn't selfless like Aria, who'd moved to England for the sake of her husband's career, or compassionate like Lily, who'd helped out a complete stranger who'd been in need. Iroha might not have even liked Yuki if Yuki had been cold at the beginning, like Piko had supposedly been to Miki. Iroha was usually unforgiving, spoiled by Len's overwhelming capacity for forgiveness.

Rin was better now. Did she really still need someone like Iroha around to care for Yuki? Rin was a better parent by far.

"I haven't forgiven you," Iroha slowly told the woman, who looked at her with an expression of despair, fearing the rejection. "Someone hurt someone I love a long time ago, and I'm not sure I can ever forgive anyone who reminds me of that." Iroha stared at the untouched cakes before the two of them, a vague recollection coming to her. "It was around this time of the year, too, when that happened, so my judgment's a little hazy, I suppose." She took a spoon off the table and began to stir her tea as she added, "But Piko is Yuki's precious friend, and I really like him, so Rin and I will take care of him until you can care for him again." Gently, she allowed herself to smile for the woman, seeing the joy in her eyes. It was this dark season, when nights were the longest. This season always had her thinking of the past, the dark emotions from that stage in her teenage life resurfacing. The cold weather of the New Year chilled her heart if she started thinking of those days, but Miki's kind, grateful smile made it thaw just a little. "Promise to come back for him, though. He needs you."

"There's no way I'll ever let Piko go," Miki swore. "I'll fight for him to the death. Thank you so much, Iroha."

It was Rin that made Iroha merciful in these merciless days. She couldn't remind Rin of those dark past days, so she had to try to forget the season. Rin would want to take care of Piko, Iroha knew, so maybe having an extra life in the house would be a good way to keep both their minds off the past. Iroha smiled, just a little, and said, "I think I can forgive you, though. Your only sin was caring too much, though that really can be a sin if you take it too far."


	27. How Did You Know I Was

Chapter Twenty-Seven

How Did You Know I Was . . .

"C'mon, you two," Rin said with a scowl as Piko and Yuki rushed around the apartment in the morning. Rin had the day off, so she'd planned on sleeping in, but then Iroha had reminded her that school started today for Yuki and Piko. Rin still didn't completely understand how it was that they'd ended up taking care of Piko, but she knew better than to question Iroha when it was this time of the year. Iroha did her best to hide her mood, but Rin noticed. Still, for her roommate's sake, she pretended not to. Iroha might have been hurt worse that day than Rin had, if that was possible. Of course, she'd seen something far worse than Rin had, even though Rin had, in exchange, felt something far worse than Iroha had.

"I can't find it!" Yuki exclaimed, turning up cushions on the couch in a desperate attempt to find her missing apple-shaped pencil case.

"It's not under your bed, either!" Piko called to her from Yuki's bedroom.

Rin sighed and leaned against the door, already wearing her winter jacket, questioning, "Didn't I tell you both to pack last night?"

"I didn't realize I hadn't packed it, though!" Yuki replied, looking under the couch now for it. Rin sighed once more, wondering how in the world it would have gotten under there. "Where is it? Mom, help me!"

Rin raised her hands and looked away with a smirk. She replied, "No way. This is your responsibility. If we're late, it's your fault for not being prepared."

Yuki, on her knees at the couch, sat up and cast Rin a tiny glare. Rin had to resist the urge to laugh, knowing exactly who she'd learned that from. The yellow-haired brat, of course. And, by that, she meant Neru. "You're the worst, Mom! I'm gonna tell Mama what you said if we're late!"

Rin felt her phone vibrating in her pocket and pulled it out. Under her breath, she smiled and said, "Speak of the devil," before lifting the phone to her ear. "What's up, Iroha?"

"Can you pick Yuki and Piko up after school, too?" Iroha pleaded on the other end.

Rin glared viciously at her phone. "This is my day off, Iroha!"

"I know, I know, I'm sorry!" Rin still scowled at the phone, though, despite Iroha's deeply apologetic tone. "My work has been piling up lately, though, and there's some stuff I need to get through before I go home if I plan on staying home to work this week. I'm going to have to stay late tonight."

"You suck, Iroha," Rin sighed, shifting her weight onto her other foot as she grinned at the phone. She was being a bit softer with Iroha than usual since it was this time of the year. She couldn't be too soft, however, or Iroha would know that she'd noticed. "Whatever, stay late. See if I care."

"Thanks, Rin! I love you!"

Before Rin could say anything, the phone was taken from her grips. She blinked in shock, momentarily confused, until she saw Yuki glaring up at her and saying into the phone, "Mama, I can't find my pencil case and Mom's not helping _at all_!" She paused to listen to Iroha's reply, her face going red in embarrassment as her glare faded. "Oh. Right. Okay, see you later. I love you." She offered the phone to Rin, who took it, but Iroha had hung up already. As Rin hung up, Yuki disappeared into her room and towed Piko out. Since they were already set to leave, she brushed past Rin and began walking down the hallway. Rin followed the children after locking the door behind her, smirking at Yuki.

"Did she tell you where it was?" Rin wondered, thoroughly amused.

"I forgot it at school at the beginning of the break," Yuki mumbled, clearly humiliated.

Rin laughed, earning another glare from Yuki, and said, "Well, we're going to have to rush if we want to make it on time."

"Or we could just not go," Piko suggested, flashing her a hopeful smile over his shoulder.

"Yeah, right," Rin snorted. "Keep walking, buster."

Piko frowned and looked forward once more, allowing Yuki to keep his hand in hers as she pulled him down the stairs. Rin watched them with a small grin, wondering if that was what Len and Iroha had looked like as kids. Rin had never had a childhood friend, herself, so she didn't have the same connection that Len and Iroha had had, or that Aria and—

She cut off her own thoughts, shaking her head. No, that was in the past. Now wasn't the time to be thinking about that. Instead, she focused on Yuki and Piko. Yuki was growing each and every day, her personality changing as only a child's could. She'd been much quieter and more reserved when she'd first come here. She behaved more like a child than she did then, and she'd found a nice group of friends, with the exception of that Neru character.

Rin liked the kindergarteners that were commonly hanging around them, as well. The little boy, Ryuto, had initially reminded her of someone, but that had clearly simply been an illusion. Rin had spoken to Miki about the bruises she'd noticed on Ryuto, as well, and Miki had assured her that they were already looking into that. Rin hoped Yuki hadn't noticed. That girl had had enough to worry about since she'd first come here without adding someone else's problems onto that load.

"We're gonna run so we're not late, okay, Mom?"

Yuki's words interrupted Rin's thoughts as Rin blinked them away. Then, Rin agreed, "Yeah, go ahead, but be careful. Don't slip on any ice."

"No promises," Piko called back as the two began to run, and Rin laughed. They really were cute, those two. Maybe one day they'd share the same feelings Rin and Len had. Maybe.

. . .

"We'll be right back," Yuki promised afterschool, dashing out to speak to Rin as soon as the bell had rung. Rin was a little shocked by how quickly Yuki had come to her, but the girl obviously had something else she had to do first.

"What're you up to?" Rin wondered, gazing toward the school curiously. Yuki hadn't even put more than her boots on to keep her warm.

"We were teaching Mizki, Yuuma, and Ryuto how to read," Yuki said with a smile, overjoyed. She was jumping from foot to foot in a mixture of overflowing energy and an effort to keep warm as frost bit her cheeks. "Kids are really cute, y'know. Len said that you don't like them, though."

"Nope, not at all," Rin laughed, wondering what other secrets Len had shared with her. "You're about the youngest I can handle on a daily basis. I don't really mind your little friends, though." Then, with a grin, she ordered, "Go back inside. You're making me cold just looking at you."

"We have to tidy up some books and stuff, okay, but we'll be out really soon." She took a couple steps before pausing to turn back and tell Rin, "There's a new teacher, too. Miss Utatane wasn't here. Do you know when she'll be back?"

Rin honestly had no idea. She wondered if Iroha knew. "No clue," she said apologetically. "Now go back inside, okay? Don't keep me waiting out here for too long or I might freeze to death."

"I'm sorry," Yuki said, dashing back through to courtyard as she called, "We'll be out soon! Promise!"

Rin watched her disappear with a smile and sighed. The things she did for Yuki and Iroha. She leaned against the entryway once more and pressed a heel against the wall to balance herself. She'd had a pretty good, peaceful day off, at least. She'd looked up some new recipes and experimented, and, though they'd all turned out hideously and she'd ended up throwing them out after her taste test, at least she had something new to work at. They promised to be good recipes for the future.

It was already getting a little dark out, as though the icy weather wasn't enough to remind Rin that it was winter. Yuki still seemed to have energy despite it being her first day back at school, which was good. Rin hoped Yuki and Piko would still get along even if they were stuck living together. They'd set up a futon in Yuki's room for Piko to sleep on since there really wasn't anywhere else to put him. When Rin had questioned this considering that the kids were opposite genders, Iroha had dispelled her concerns, stating that there was no need to worry about them since they were both still young. Rin had still been reluctant, but what could she do? She couldn't, in good conscience, make Piko sleep out in the living room, and Rin and Iroha were already sharing the other room. This really was the only arrangement, and Rin was sure that she wouldn't mind it so much after Iroha explained the situation.

So Miki was missing, then? That was probably a part of it, too, then, and Piko had been pawned off on Iroha and Rin to care for. Rin didn't particularly mind seeing as it was Piko, who she liked rather well, especially when she saw him playing with Yuki, but an explanation would be nice.

It was when she was thinking of all this that a voice Rin recognized in a heartbeat spoke to her.

"Long time no see, Rin. You look pretty deep in thought. What has your beloved Len done this time?"

Lighthearted thoughts faded away in an instant, painful electricity dashing through Rin's veins as she became more conscious of everything around her than she had ever been before. She didn't want to be conscious of it, though. She wanted to be numb, to pretend it wasn't real, to pretend that that the subtle hint of malice hadn't sounded in her ears.

It was _that_ voice, her voice, _her _voice, _her voice_.

Rin's eyes were frozen wide open, but she stared only at the pavement at her feet. She couldn't move, and breathing was getting harder. She was acutely aware of every part of her body telling her to run, and the skin above her heart felt as though it was pounding in time with the blood that rushed to her ears. It felt like that voice was coming from a thousand miles away, like she was deep underwater. That voice was drowning her, suffocating her, and she wanted to run, wanted to hide, wanted to cower in a corner far far away from here and cry, cry until that voice, _her voice_, was gone, until _she_ was gone.

"Now now, Rin dearest, don't be so rude. You couldn't have forgotten me. You should at least say hello."

Rin gasped involuntarily as those fingers gently touched her cheek. She flinched, wishing she could close her eyes, but she couldn't. She didn't remember how, and she just wanted to run, run far away. Those fingers, slender, delicate fingers, lingered on her cheek for a moment before trailing downward, under her chin, and Rin's face was pulled softly, firmly, upward until her eyes met that face, _her_ face, with that horrifyingly sweet smile, the green eyes that only ever looked at her. Rin knew that her fear showed, but she couldn't hide it. Her entire body had become lifeless, and a thousand memories were yelling at her from every which way.

"No, I didn't think you had," _she_ said with that sweet, horrible smile. "I've missed you, Rin dearest. You never called or came to visit. I was really worried that you'd forgotten me, or that you hated me, but how could you ever hate me? I'm your best friend, after all."

Rin needed to get away from here, but there was nowhere to run. _She_ was everywhere, everywhere, in everything, watching, monitoring, absolutely everything. Rin had been so careless, so reckless, such an idiot. _She_ had never been gone, never, never. _She_'d always been here. Rin had been a hopeless fool to think that she wasn't.

"How's our little Ironya, Rin dearest? And Aria. She stopped talking to me after all that uncomfortable stuff, that mean girl. Most importantly, how is your beloved Len? Have you two sealed the deal yet?"

Rin's words didn't sound like her own, and she didn't know where they came from, but she knew they were hers as white puffs of air mercifully obscured her vision for the shortest moment. "Len is dead."

Those fingers were still on her chin, those elegant eyes shining with a sense of knowing as _she_ tilted her head to the side with that same smile, green hair following her lead, and mused, "Oh, is that so? How tragic." Her smile told Rin otherwise, and Rin wished she could move her body, even a little, but she couldn't. She saw nothing but those horrifying emerald eyes as the woman said, "Please don't worry anymore, Rin dearest. I'm here for you now.

"Gumi will take care of you from now on."

**Author's Note: Well, Sarah (mukirome), you guessed long ago that the unnamed character was Gumi, but, I'm curious, did anyone else guess that it was her? Also, we're now into the main plot that I've been leading into since early chapters. Please review! It's greatly appreciated!**


	28. My Loyalty Lies With

Chapter Twenty-Eight

My Loyalty Lies With . . .

Yuki dashed back into the school and twisted down the hallways that led to her classroom. When she skidded to a halt inside, she saw that at least half of the students had left already. Haku, Piko, and Yuuma were replacing books on the bookshelves after others had careless thrown them on the ground and departed from the classroom without helping out. Neru was lying on her side on the carpeted floor, her elbow digging into the ground as she rested her head on her hand. Mizki was sitting before her, speaking animatedly to the blonde and not helping the others at all. Yuki was forced to acknowledge that Ryuto wasn't being very helpful, either, since the boy was sitting on his own a little ways away from any of the other students, flipping absently through the pages of a book Yuki knew he couldn't read. As a couple more of her classmates made their way out of the classroom with their kindergarten partners, Yuki headed toward Ryuto and bent at the knees to get closer to his eye level. He looked up, his eyes brightening when he spotted her.

"Ryuto, I asked you to help out everyone while I was gone," she chided gently, trying to seem stern. She couldn't find it in herself to be too harsh, however, when he looked at her with those big puppy dog eyes.

"Mizki's not helping neither," Ryuto mumbled defensively, looking away with the smallest hint of a pout.

_Either_, Yuki corrected to herself. She'd been told only to correct misspeaking every ten or so times so as not to damage the kindergartner's self esteem. "That doesn't mean you shouldn't help."

It didn't take more than that to get Ryuto to stand and toddle over to a book that had been left on the ground. He looked at Yuki, waiting for her to join him, but she righted herself and headed over to Neru. She felt Ryuto continuing to stare at her, but she knew that looking back would make her feel so guilty that she'd help him, enabling him to cling to her as he always did.

"C'mon, Neru, get to work," Yuki commanded the other girl. Then, to the companion kindergartener, she added, "You too, Mizki."

"Hey, Yuki, Piko told us he's staying at your place," Neru remarked, completely ignoring Yuki's words. Yuki withheld a sigh and rolled her eyes. Neru was a difficult girl, definitely. The blonde's eyes were glimmering with mischief as she mused, "Bet you're regretting not having sexy pyjamas now, huh?"

Yuki's cheeks burned bright red, and she turned her head away with a pout to hide her embarrassment. "Don't be silly. It's just Pi-chan."

"Wow, Piko just got rejected," Neru laughed. Yuki's cheeks turned a brighter red when she looked toward Piko, who had turned at the sound of his name. He must not have heard what they said, though, or was choosing to ignore it.

"Get to work, Neru," Piko ordered. "Stop being a bad example for Mizki."

Mizki leapt to her feet, alarmingly enough, but, much to the boy's dismay, she dashed immediately to Ryuto, who had picked a book off the ground and was slowly searching for others. "Ryu-chan, let's work together!" she chirped, beaming at him.

Ryuto scowled, shocking Yuki. He usually just ran away whenever Mizki or any of his classmates tried to talk to him. "Don't call me that."

Mizki just giggled, though, and gripped onto Ryuto's arm. His discontent was nearly palpable. "C'mon, Ryu-chan, it's cute! And you can call me Mi-tan."

"No," he replied simply.

Yuki stood absolutely still as she watched, her heart soaring. Finally. He was finally talking to one of his classmates. He wasn't really being nice, of course, but at least he was talking.

"Hey, Yuki, if I gotta work, so do you," Neru snapped. Yuki hadn't even noticed that the girl had begun working at tidying up the puzzle-piece mats that had been reorganized throughout the day. "Come help me."

"Yeah, I'm coming," Yuki replied, making her way over to Neru as she kept an eye on Ryuto. Despite his harsh words, Mizki was still holding onto him and helping him pick up books. Yuki continued to watch them as she worked, smiling. Ryuto had taken a big step today. Yuki was so happy, she didn't know if anything could bring her down.

Once everything had been tidied, Neru and Haku walked Mizki and Yuuma out and headed off on their own. Piko lingered by the doorway for Yuki to finish equipping Ryuto with his winter gear. Piko's mood was a little sour, Yuki noticed, but she knew better than to talk about it. He'd cheer up eventually, she was sure.

"Yuki," came Ryuto's soft voice as he tugged on her sleeve when they reached the doorway. "Mama's meeting me at the front gate."

That was his way of asking her to bring him there, so she smiled softly and said, "Sure, we'll take you there. That's where my Mom usually picks me up, anyway."

"Is Iroha walking us home?" Piko questioned, swinging onto Yuki's other side as they began to walk out of the school.

Yuki shook and explained, "It's usually Rin taking me in the morning and Iroha picking me up afterschool, but Iroha's working late, I guess."

"What does she do?" Piko asked.

Yuki grinned. She'd been waiting for someone to ask. She'd asked Rin, once, and had spent fifteen minutes memorizing the name. "Rin is an executive specializing in statistical analysis and data reconfiguration, and Iroha is an editor-in-chief for a women's magazine." She added, "Rin usually drops me off a bit earlier so that she gets to work on time, but Iroha's always here right on time."

"Miki was wondering," Piko said to explain his asking. "She didn't understand how they could manage to get you here and back everyday. She really wanted to help them out, but they both made it clear that they didn't want help."

A gust of ice-cold wind blasted through Yuki's clothes and straight to her bones when she opened the door to the outside. Resisting the shiver that threatened to shake her entire body, she braved her way outside. It was better than it had been when she'd dashed out with nothing but her boots on.

Yuki looked toward the front gate to see if Rin was still waiting there, a ripple of shock running through her when she saw a splash of green against the grey landscape. Her legs itched to run, but she careful kept herself at the same constant pace. Her eyes weren't good enough to really make out more than the women's outlines from this distance, which only made her want to run more. A few seconds later, her willpower shattered, and she tore her hand from Ryuto's, muttering a quick, "I'm sorry. I really need to check this out."

"Yuki?" Piko wondered, but Yuki had already taken off. Going as fast as her legs could carry her, she began to run toward her mother. The other woman must have noticed Yuki in her peripheral vision, because, while she had been incredibly close to Rin a moment ago, she drew back and smiled at Yuki.

Yuki came to a halt in front of the two, out of breath, and glanced between them. Her stomach lurched when she saw Rin's face. Her mother was frozen stiff, looking absolutely petrified as she stared at the greenette. It was instinct that caused Yuki to take a step in front of Rin, but she couldn't understand at all why Rin was scared. She had no reason to be. This woman wasn't evil. She couldn't be.

"Hello, Yuki," came the green-haired woman's melodious voice. "Long time no see. I heard that you found a home."

Yuki was torn. She felt horrible for taking a defensive stance before Rin, to be protecting her from Gumi, but Rin looked so scared that she knew there had to be something wrong. "Hi, Auntie," she said carefully.

Len had never liked Gumi, Yuki recalled. He'd never explained why, though, even when Yuki had asked. He said that there was someone else who should tell her, that it wasn't his place. Still, he'd always kept a close eye on Gumi whenever she came to visit Yuki, even though she usually only came when he did. Yuki had always valued Gumi; how could she not when Gumi and Len were the only ones who'd ever taken any interest in her? Maybe she'd been blind, then, if both Len and Rin seemed to have something against Gumi? But, no, Yuki couldn't believe that. Not her Gumi, her Auntie, the one who'd visited her all these years.

"You've grown a little cold, Yuki," Gumi said with a smile like honey. "Trying to live up to your name, I suppose?" She laughed a little, and Yuki did her best not to waver. No matter how she felt for Gumi, it was Rin that was most important right now, always. Gumi seemed to notice the hardness in Yuki's eyes, however, so she smiled and remarked, "I'll leave you to go home, then. I hope you won't always look at me with those horrible eyes, though, Yuki." Yuki's guilt was a sharp pain in her chest, and she desperately wanted to apologize. However, she knew that Rin needed her, and Rin was more important than anyone to the girl. "After all, I took care of you much longer than she did. So much longer."

"Mama?" came Ryuto's voice. Yuki looked to her side for a moment to see that Piko and Ryuto had caught up, standing a little ways away. Piko seemed to be holding Ryuto back. Was he trying to protect him for Yuki's sake? In any case, it wasn't just Yuki that was shocked by Ryuto's words, for his eyes widened in shock, as well.

Yuki looked to Gumi as the woman turned her gaze onto Ryuto. "Hello, Ryuto. Are you ready to go home? Did you have a good day?"

Ryuto shook off Piko as the boy tried to hold him back and dashed toward the woman. Yuki froze, her confusion lasting for a moment before she realized how similar Ryuto and Gumi were. They shared the same green hair and green eyes, and his face was the same shape as hers. She probably could've guessed it if she was given a clue, but, if Ryuto had those marks, and Gumi was his mother, did that mean . . . ?

No, she didn't have time to think about that, and, though she wished she could rip Ryuto away from Gumi and take him with her, Yuki saw that Ryuto's eyes held the same trust when he held Gumi's hand as it did when he held hers. She knew she had to get out of here quickly, for Rin's sake, so she had to let him go, for now, at least. So, Yuki turned her back on her Auntie and gently took Rin's hand, tugging on her to force her to take a step. "C'mon, Mom, we have to go. We should have dinner ready when Mama gets home, shouldn't we?"

"Mama? You have someone else living with you, Yuki?" Gumi questioned, genuinely curious. She still sounded nice, like the kind of person Yuki should have been allowed to trust, but Yuki wasn't sure how she felt about Gumi anymore. Between Len's distrust of the woman, Rin's reaction right now, and the marks on Ryuto, she wasn't sure how to believe that the nice woman who'd always visited her at the orphanage was this same woman.

"Yes," was all Yuki replied to that. Would saying Iroha's name be the wrong thing to do right now? She thought it might, so she held it back. Instead, she bowed politely to the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but we really have to go." She looked to her best friend, her eyes begging him to help, and wondered, "Right, Piko?"

"Piko?" Gumi wondered, testing out the name and looking to the boy it belonged to. She seemed thrown off now, juxtaposing her confidence not moments before.

"Yeah, let's go," he agreed, hopping to Rin's other side and taking the woman's hand without question. "We don't want to be late. The teacher assigned homework. She's not as awesome as Miki."

Yuki glanced back at Gumi and Ryuto one last time, seeing a flash of confusion in the woman's eyes at the foreign name, but Gumi smiled the moment she caught Yuki's gaze. "Take care, Yuki, Rin dearest. You too, little Piko."

Piko looked back at her coldly, not bothering to censor his immediate dislike for the woman. Yuki was a little grateful, though she worried that, between the two of them, Gumi might be really hurt, but the woman didn't seem to mind and simply waved farewell. Ryuto waved a small goodbye to Yuki, so she offered him a little smile. She was sorry that he'd gotten caught up in that, but there was nothing she could do about it now as she turned her gaze forward and gently guided her mother home.

**Author's Note: I'm surprised no one guessed last chapter that Ryuto was Gumi's son. Instead, you all jumped to a different conclusion, it seems. Well, thank you for all the reviews and please review whenever you can! It really cheers me on and helps me figure out what I need to work on.**


	29. I'm Sorry I Wasn't There When

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I'm Sorry I Wasn't There When . . .

"I'm home," Iroha called as she entered the apartment, clunking her keys into the bowl that rested on a table beside the door. She paused, expecting a response, but none came. She glanced at her watch. School had been over for an hour now. Had Rin taken the kids to the café after school? That was probably the case, but, just to check, she added, "Is anyone home?" Again, no answer came, so she listened the rustle of her winter clothes as she tapped the toes of her boot on the welcome mat to rid herself of any remaining snow.

Iroha had meant to stay longer at work than she had, but she'd been forced to go out to meet a client a little while ago, and, as such, didn't feel the need to rush off to the office once more. She worked all the way downtown and lived on the outskirts of the town, so the drive there wasn't worthwhile at this point.

Once she'd replaced her scarf and gloves into their respective bins, Iroha made her way into the house, seeing bits and pieces of disorganized furniture that Rin had put back incorrectly. That must have been from Yuki looking for her pencil case that morning, and, knowing Rin, the woman had just shoved things back onto shelves without much care for how it looked. Iroha smiled a little and shook her head in amusement. She decided to make supper as she waited and headed to the kitchen. However, when she opened the fridge, she saw four plates covered in cellophane. Iroha smiled wider. Rin had made supper, then, during her day off. She was such a sweet girl. Iroha just hoped that it hadn't been another experimental cooking moment. Rin had never been good at cooking, so it took her a few times to get it right, and her food was average at best. Still, it was the thought that counted.

Iroha closed the fridge door once more, and, having nothing else to do, she headed to the living room and turned the television onto some random drama. Iroha didn't watch television consistently, much preferring a good book, but her client today had left her too brain-numb to concentrate on much of anything.

She hadn't gotten more than five minutes into the show when the door sounded, opening and closing to Yuki, Piko, and Rin. Iroha barely noticed until Yuki feebly called, "Mama, help."

Iroha felt every fibre of her body stand up straight at those words, and she jerked up to look toward the three who'd just entered. When she saw Rin's horror-struck eyes, her heart began to race. Before she even acknowledged that she'd moved, she was at Rin's side, taking the woman's hand in her own and wondering softly, "Rin, what happened? Talk to me."

Rin wouldn't even look at her, though. Her eyes were glued to the ground as though meeting anyone's eyes would shatter her into a billion pieces. Iroha recognized that expression immediately and emitted a small gasp before she could stop herself. Then, she told the kids, "There's food in the fridge. Could you reheat it for everyone? I'm going to put Rin to bed."

"Okay," Yuki murmured, hesitantly moving from her mother's side. Piko followed his friend, reluctance evident as he glanced back at Iroha and Rin. Iroha stared into Rin's eyes as the woman stared elsewhere. She knew that look so well, but she hadn't seen it for years. The last time she'd been Rin is this state, this badly, had been high school.

"Rin, what do you want to do?" Iroha murmured, trying to keep her voice calm despite the panic that was steadily rising. "You could go stay with Kiyoteru if you want, Rin, and I'll take care of the kids." She stared into Rin's eyes, though the other woman wouldn't look at her, and said, "It's okay to be selfish right now, Rin, okay? Your priority has to be yourself. You have to do whatever will make you safe."

Slowly, Rin moved her head to one side, then to the next. Iroha heard Rin swallow before croaking, "It's useless, Iroha. She'll find me wherever I go." She gripped onto Iroha's sleeve, grasping to her friend for dear life. "She'll never leave me alone." Rin squeezed her eyes shut and whispered hoarsely, "I want her to die, Iroha. It won't be over until one of us dies, and I want it to be her." The woman's body was shaking viciously, and Iroha could feel Yuki's gaze from elsewhere, watching in worry. Rin's voice quavered unsteadily as she told Iroha, "Len shouldn't have died. It should have been her. She should be dead."

Iroha didn't know what to do. It was hopeless, wasn't it? How was she supposed to help her friend? How had Gumi found Rin, in the first place? Gumi shouldn't have been able to get that close to Rin, no matter what. She should've been far, far away.

Iroha's faith was shattering, and she only knew one way to help Rin. She hated it, but it was the only thing to salvage Rin's soul. She hesitated a moment after she turned her gaze toward Yuki, who peered out from the kitchen, and then quietly requested, "Yuki, could you bring me the sake from the fridge?" Yuki froze stiff, though, and then shook her head. Iroha forced more strength into her voice and ordered, "Yuki, bring it to me." Yuki looked to Rin, torn. Iroha understood her wavering; was it really worthwhile to allow Rin's dependence to arise once more? What other choice did they have, though? Iroha couldn't stand seeing Rin in this much pain. Yuki quietly shuffled into the kitchen. Iroha heard whispers between Piko and Yuki as the sound of the fridge opening met her ears, but it was all indistinct. Then, Yuki brought the bottle over and carefully offered it to Iroha. "Thank you, Yuki."

Yuki looked to Rin and quietly wondered, "Mom?"

Rin just squeezed her eyes tighter shut, though. Yuki flinched, her eyes showing a trace of guilt, as though she herself had done something wrong. Slowly, she made her way back to the kitchen. Once the child had gone, Iroha tugged the top off the bottle of sake and offered it to Rin with the soft words of, "Here, Rin, just drink it. You have to get her off your mind or you'll lose your senses again."

Rin's response was loud, vicious, and immediate. Her voice was nearly a growl as she screeched, "No!" Her hand swiped out toward the bottle, catching Iroha off guard. The coral-haired woman didn't have enough time to stop the bottle from slamming onto the ground, fissures crawling along those few shards of the bottle that hadn't flown across the room as the contents of the bottle exploded from the bedraggled mess and crept slowly across the floor.

"Rin," Iroha murmured, looking away from the bottle and back to her friend. She didn't know what else to do, what else to say. Rin was shaking, her entire body painfully tense as she held her arms tightly around her chest. She looked so rigid that she almost seemed brittle, as though one wrong move would break her into pieces. It probably would, in figurative senses.

"I can't." Her voice came out as a soft whimper as she kept those blue eyes firmly shut. She was shaking her head, and Iroha's attention was lost for a moment as she spotted Yuki and Piko peeking in from the kitchen. Their worry was painfully palpable. Iroha could already feel the pressure building in her, because she knew that things would go back to as they were before. Iroha had to protect them, didn't she? That was her reason for living here: to protect them, in Len's stead. She herself had had an easy enough life, hadn't she? What right did she have to complain? Still, even if it was selfish, she didn't want to do that. She wanted to be with Rin, the real Rin, not this dominated version of her.

Rin's next words turned Iroha's head toward her, making Iroha blink slowly as she registered what her friend was saying. "I can't. I can't drink that. I have to protect my family. I didn't protect Len, but I can protect you, Iroha. I can protect Yuki. I can protect Piko, too." Rin's grip on herself tightened further, and she insisted, "I can protect you from her, I promise."

. . .

Despite her brave words, Rin had stayed home for three days straight, rarely leaving hers and Iroha's room. After walking Yuki and Piko to school in the morning, Iroha would return home and do whatever of her work she could do at home, calling in sick for that which required her to be in her office. Yuki and Piko had requested to stay home with Rin, and, despite Iroha's desire to keep them safely away from Gumi, Iroha knew that it would be harder for Rin with the kids at home, so she'd denied their request.

As Iroha was making Yuki's bed, her ears were perked as she awaited the sound of the telephone. She had called Kiyoteru earlier that day, but he'd already left for work. She was hoping that his presence would bring Rin some comfort. After all, Kiyoteru had been the first adult Rin had seen after . . . .

Iroha squeezed her eyes shut, pausing in her work. She felt so helpless, then and now. She wanted to protect Rin, but she had no idea how. It was even worse knowing that it was the psychological torment in Rin's mind that Iroha had absolutely no access to that was tearing her friend apart. She felt so completely useless. She wondered what Len would do now to comfort Rin, but she couldn't remember how he'd comforted her before. Iroha's hands tightened around Yuki's blankets as her heart constricted, harsh pain stabbing her.

_That's right,_ she told herself. _I've always been useless. I could never take care of Rin the way he could. No matter what Aria or I did, we could never comfort her the way he could._ She bit her bottom lip, discomforted by these thoughts. _Then and now, Len's always been better. If he was here now, he'd know how to make it better._ She could feel her fingernails digging sharply into the blankets, embedding the blanket into her palm as she lowered to her knees and hid her face in the blanket. She bit back tears. She couldn't cry anymore, could she? She wouldn't cry. She had to take care of Rin, and she couldn't do that if she let Rin see just how unsure she was about absolutely everything.

_I'm sorry, Len,_ she thought to her best friend. _I'm sorry that I can't protect her. I'm sorry._

_Rin, I'm sorry._

_Why am I so useless?_

**Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. Honestly, feel free to berate me, but this has been done for weeks, I was just too lazy to edit. Sorry bout that. Anywho, I'll also be posting a side story fluff kind of thing as a oneshot later today for Nekofan123's b-day. It revolves around Yuki and Rin playing too much in the snow and Yuki getting a cold. Check it out if you like. It'll be called **_**Sick Days**_**. Anyway, review if you have the chance, sorry for the delay! I'm busy being a bridesmaid for the next few days so the next update will be in a few days. Oh, and I started school this week (last semester ever, yes!) so please show me mercy. Thanks for reading!**

**And hey, at least I don't pull a Nat Tran and vanish for months on end with no way for you to contact me. I'll always reply to PMs.**


	30. Will You Stay by My Side Until

Chapter Thirty

Will You Stay by My Side Until . . .

_Aria pouted from her seat beside Len, a playful glimmer in her eye as Rin watched her. "His heart is taken," she sighed to the group as Len smiled. "We've lost him."_

"_You give up too easily," laughed Gumi, slipping her arm around Rin's shoulder. "I, for one, will not give up."_

"_He's my boyfriend, stupid," Rin said dryly, glaring at her good-naturedly. "Why are you always trying to steal my things?"_

Rin jerked away from the imaginary arm that was around her shoulder, barely acknowledging that it was nothing but the remnant of a memory playing through her mind. Gumi's voice, the image of Gumi, Gumi's scent was all too fresh in her mind. She imagined the girl right beside her right now, the girl who was so much older than the last time Rin had seen her. She couldn't be called a girl now, could she? A woman, then?

Rin laid her head on her bed, lacklustre eyes staring at the wall. She'd gathered the energy to get dressed today, but she couldn't find the drive to leave this room. Each time she thought of it, she imagined Gumi waiting there. If she opened the door to leave the apartment, would Gumi be there?

Rin's eyes travelled out the door, where Iroha was exiting Yuki's room. Catching Rin's gaze, Iroha offered a smile, but the shadows under her eyes told the story of these past three nights, the nights when Rin would awake from the dreams of Gumi that had been scarce since Yuki's coming. On those nights, Rin would awake and claw at her friend in a total panic, and Iroha would take her firmly and draw her hands down, cooing soft words and repeating who she was over and over again. Rin's hand would immediately fly to the fabric in front of her own heart, and Iroha would offer that practiced smile and murmur that it was okay, that everything would be okay. Gumi wasn't a danger, Iroha promised. Iroha would protect her.

Len had made those promises once. Where was he now?

Rin wished she could fall deeper. This despair, this anguish, this terror: it was all suffocating her. She fought the keep her head afloat. It was easier to drown, and she could breath underwater. She'd learned how to breathe underwater. When she'd been told about her deceased brother, when her mother had walked out on her and her father, when her father would yell at her for looking so goddamn much like her mother, when _that_ had happened back in high school, when Len had died. So many times she'd drowned. Staying afloat was too hard, so she'd drowned. She'd learned how to breathe down there, though. She could survive down there.

Rin could breathe underwater, but no one else could. Iroha and Yuki couldn't, and she wouldn't leave them behind.

That was why she kept herself afloat. That was why she struggled against the despair instead of sinking into it. That was why she refused sake, why she kept her mouth shut instead of wailing, why she tried to push herself farther each day. She wished she could do more, but she was so close to drowning that not hurting Iroha, Yuki, or Piko was the most she could handle.

_Gumi's eyes._

She slammed her palms into her eyes. It stung. Not only was the pressure too much, but her hands were covered in dust since she'd been brushing them along the floor to keep her mind busy for brief moments. It stung, but the cut of a blade was so much sharper.

She bit her tongue, bit back tears. She wanted to call Iroha over, but she wouldn't do that. She'd grown stronger, hadn't she? Rin wanted to believe that. She was better than she'd been before, wasn't she? Or was she simply more stubborn? In any case, she didn't want Iroha to worry more than she already had.

. . .

It had been five days now. Rin had managed to pull herself out of the room by the fourth day, and Iroha's shock had been obvious. On this day, the fifth day, because Iroha was taking a shower, Rin answered the door when the doorbell rang. While she feared seeing Gumi standing there all the while, she gathered her courage and opened the door open.

There were arms around her before she could even see who she'd opened the door to. The first thought that jumped to her mind was _Gumi_. Gumi and Rin had been friends since their first year of middle school. They'd been best friends. Of course Gumi had hugged her constantly. However, Rin was able to safely relax when she realized that Gumi's scent, an odd scent that hinted at cinnamon and carrots, didn't flush to her with the onslaught of pink-blonde hair.

"Rin, I'm so sorry! I came on the first flight I could get!"

Rin blinked, taking a moment to register the voice. Once she'd made the connection that it was Aria, she felt an odd sense of relief flooding her. Aria didn't hate her, then? It seemed like an odd thing to be concerned about at this moment, but there was no feeling more wretched than that which came with the knowledge of being hated. She wished she could speak her friend's name, but she still couldn't manage words without crying.

"I don't know how the hell Gumi managed to find you, but Leon's a lawyer, and we're gonna get her away from you, got it?" Aria's grip was so tight on Rin that the woman couldn't move. Rin knew that Aria had been traumatized after learning about _that_. Gumi was Aria's childhood friend, after all, and had always seemed like the sweetest girl anyone would ever meet. She was loyal, after all. There was no one more steadfast and steady. However, her unwavering loyalty had, in the end, been her greatest fault. "It's so fucked up, Rin. Why the hell would they let her be even remotely close to you?"

_I have no idea,_ Rin wanted to tell her, but her throat tightened with sobs at the simple notion of speaking. _But thank you, Aria, for coming back. Thank you for letting me know that you still love me._

"I swear, Rin, I know what I said before, but I'll always be your friend." She pulled away now to stare Rin in the eyes. Rin didn't miss the fear in her friend's eyes, and she knew that Aria was afraid of Gumi, as well. Iroha was, too, Rin was sure, but Iroha had trained herself so well to keep those emotions hidden. Rin's guilt rose each time she noticed Iroha doing so, but what could she do? She'd told Iroha that it was okay to cry, hadn't she? Rin's thoughts turned back to the woman before her as the blonde spoke. "I'm going to stay by your side until all this has gone away, alright? I'll stay here and help you and Iroha." She froze then and lowered her hands. Rin wondered if she'd finally noticed Rin's lack of speech and had misinterpreted it. "Unless you don't want me to, of course. I understand if it makes you think too much of her when you see me."

Rin knew she couldn't be silent any longer or Aria would misunderstand. She'd thought it would be okay when she croaked, "No," but it wasn't. Her lip quavered, and her eyes steamed up with tears. She hated crying. It was gross, painful, and it made her looked disgusting. She wasn't one of those girls that could look cute or pretty when they cried.

"Oh, Rin," Aria breathed, her eyes so full of concern and sympathy. That was all it took to set Rin off, and, suddenly, the woman was bawling. She didn't care that the apartment door was still open. All that mattered was that, when she fell forward in absolute defeat, Aria hugged her tightly and stroked her hair. She didn't promise that it would be alright like Iroha always did, and, though Rin wished she'd say that, it was still okay. Rin needed Aria right now. It was so hard.

Rin wasn't sure when if was that she was guided to the couch, but, when she'd regained control of herself, the front door had shut, and Iroha was placing cups of tea on the table in front of Aria and Rin, her damp hair that was usually scraped back into a ponytail running freely down her back. As she was quieting down, Rin heard Iroha quickly thank Aria for coming, but Aria was too concentrated on Rin to properly reply. Once Rin had reduced herself to sniffles, Iroha told her that she was going to go pick up Piko and Yuki from school. Rin nodded, and Iroha entrusted her care to Aria, plunging outside into the cold winter as she pulled her arms through the coat sleeves.

After a moment longer, Aria dared to wonder, "How is Iroha taking it?"

Rin was quiet for a moment. How was Iroha taking it? If she hadn't lived with the woman for almost a year now, she might not have noticed it. However, she knew how Iroha acted, and little tricks gave her away. "She's terrified," Rin said, though her voice barely came out the first time, so she cleared her throat and repeated, "She's terrified. She's focusing on me so much not only because she's worried about me, but because it makes her forget her own feelings if she lives through mine."

Aria nodded her understanding and added, "She was there when it happened, after all."

Rin nodded, smiling delicately. Was this a moment that she should've been smiling for? She hugged her knees up to her chest, comforted by the feel of her protected skin. "She saved me, really. I don't know what I would've done if she wasn't there."

Aria smiled ruefully and said, "You think you know a person, huh?" Then, she caught Rin's eyes filling with tears again, so she swiftly changed the topic. "So, anyway, I thought that maybe I'd take the kids off your hands for now. Leon's sister said that I could stay with her for a while, and it's probably a trouble for you to have to take care of them right now, right?"

Rin was quiet for a moment. She wanted Yuki here. Seeing Yuki here after school reminded her to stay afloat. When she remembered those first weeks when Yuki was here and the plate that had shattered on the wall beside Yuki's head, she knew that she couldn't drown like she had back then. But it would be better for the children to be away from her, wouldn't it? If Gumi somehow found her, if she got anywhere near them, Rin knew that something terrible would happen. So, slowly, she nodded. "I think that would be good."

Aria nodded in consent and said, "I'll talk to Lola, then." Then, she smiled and said, "Now, let's get your mind off this. I'm been craving some proper Japanese food for months now, so let's do some cooking, huh?"

. . .

As Aria and Iroha hustled Piko and Yuki around the apartment to get ready for school, the doorbell rang. Since Rin was simply staring at the ceiling, she decided to make herself useful and went to answer it. Iroha had said that she'd been trying to get in contact with Kiyoteru, so maybe he'd come to visit. Rin wasn't sure she was up to seeing anyone right now, but what could she do?

Her hand froze on the handle, and she was crippled once more by the horrifying thought of opening the door to Gumi. She closed her eyes and breathed in, counting to three. Upon exhaling the breath, she gathered her courage and opened the door.

Her entire body seized up. Tears sprang to her eyes. She blinked frantically, hoping it was an illusion, simply the power of suggestion. No. This couldn't be real. It wasn't possible.

With that same wicked smile on Gumi's face, green eyes stared back at her.

**Author's Note: Sorry I've been too lazy to edit lately ^^;; I'm gonna go edit the next chapter now so I can post it in a few days.**


	31. I'll Never Let You

Chapter Thirty-One

I'll Never Let You . . .

Iroha and Piko had learned to match Yuki's hurried pace when they were headed home. The most important thing in her life right now was getting home to see Rin, because there was so little she could do for her mother beyond staying close to her. She wished there was something more she could do, but Iroha always clammed up whenever Yuki tried to ask about her auntie and Rin. She hoped that, eventually, someone would let her in on whatever it was that was hurting her mothers, but, until then, this was all she could do for Rin.

She slipped once or twice on the ice, but, each time, Iroha would grab her arm and steady her. Yuki could feel the urgency pulsating from her mother; Iroha wanted to be home just as much as Yuki did. However, now that Iroha had the child stopped, she informed Piko and Yuki, "An old friend on mine and Rin's is at home, alright? Her name is Aria."

Yuki peered up at her mother, wondering, "Is it good for Mom to see people right now?"

"Aria's our friend from high school and university. She knows Rin very well."

Yuki could see that her mother was holding back some information, so, as she pulled away and began walking by Piko's side again, the girl questioned, "Does she know my auntie?"

There it was. Iroha had clammed up. Her expression grew guarded, and all she responded was, "Yes," before picking up her pace and walking ahead of the children. It was frustrating, to say the least. Yuki let her frustration show to Piko, who smiled sympathetically. It was probably hardest for him right now. He wasn't a part of this family, after all, and he was incredibly conscientious of this. No one had heard from Miki, though, and Lily had already been interrogated by someone looking for the teacher. She said that it wasn't safe for Piko to stay at her place, whatever that meant. Neru had had a tizzy fit, but they couldn't do much about it. Haku's place was so small that it was entirely out of the question, too, with her multitude of visiting relatives.

It was all so frustrating. Yuki felt absolutely useless. She had no idea what to do to help. Iroha wouldn't tell her what she could do. On top of that, it was still so hard to believe that her auntie, who had visited her so many times when she'd been in the orphanage, was the cause of such strain in Iroha and Rin. How could it be that that person who'd always been dear to her was so different than she'd thought? Yuki still didn't believe it, not that she'd tell anyone that.

Piko had wondered about it to Yuki, so Yuki had told him as much as she knew. Well, not everything. There were some things that Yuki could never share. It was her fault that Len had died, after all; how could she ever share that secret?

Yuki dismissed the thought for now. It was too painful when she remembered that. Instead, she thought back on her recent school days.

Luckily, Neru and Haku either hadn't noticed the change in atmosphere around Piko and Yuki or simply hadn't deemed it appropriate to ask. Mizki, Yuuma, and Ryuto had swung by quite a few times this week, but Yuki had taken care to avoid the topic of his mother despite Ryuto obviously being concerned about it. That was another thing that bothered her. Why hadn't Gumi ever mentioned that she had a son of her own? Then again, she'd never said much in particular. She'd simply been there, most commonly when Len had been there, as well.

There was too much to think about, and the answers simply weren't being given to her no matter how much she thought. Her head hurt.

. . .

Yuki's impression of Aria was biased, founded on simple jealousy. It was petty, but she took an immediate disliking to the woman upon seeing her with Rin. She and Rin were talking already despite Yuki having worked all week to try and get some words out of her mother. Yuki had been polite and civil, of course, but she didn't try hard to get close to Aria and merely poked at the parts of their supper that she knew that woman had cooked. It was childish and immature, but she couldn't help herself.

Piko, on the other hand, was all over Aria, which only served to heighten Yuki's jealousy. He kept blushing when she spoke to him, infuriatingly enough, and Yuki was getting sincerely ticked off. She wasn't _that_ pretty or _that_ special. Why did Rin and Piko like her so much?

Aria stayed over for the night, and she was there when Yuki woke up. She tried to hustle Yuki toward the kitchen to eat breakfast, so Yuki headed back to bed, instead, as Piko followed Aria with a hop in his step. Iroha came back to get Yuki a few minutes later. Yuki expected herself to be scolded for behaving like a brat at a time like this, but Iroha acted the same as she always did upon awaking Yuki before dashing back into her own bedroom to finish preparing for work. Begrudgingly, Yuki trudged out into the hallway to get ready for school. Before she even started, however, she noticed something that everyone else was too busy getting ready to notice. Rin was headed toward the door, oddly enough, so Yuki tiptoed over to see who she was getting it for.

Yuki didn't miss her mother freezing stiff when she opened the door to Gumi. Yuki froze, too, unsure of what she was meant to do. Should she be getting Iroha over here immediately, or should she run to her mother's side? Should she slam the door shut in her auntie's face? Faced with the decision, panic overcame Yuki, and she simply stood there.

"What are you doing here?" Rin questioned, her voice anything but firm as a weak flow of words hesitantly made its way out.

Gumi was smiling sweetly, a smile she'd never before shown Yuki, but that only seemed to worsen Rin's pain. "Come on, Rin dearest, you can do better than that," Gumi informed her. "Where's my 'hello'? I _did_ come all this way to see you, you know." When Rin remained silent, Gumi let out a chuckle. "Alright then, Rin dearest. I know you meant to say it."

Rin's voice was so soft and quiet that Yuki could barely hear it. "How did you find me?"

Gumi tilted her head to the side, a vague hint of questioning in her gaze. "As in your apartment or your new life?" She smiled teasingly and replied, "Well, I could answer both of those with one little story, but I'm afraid it might break your heart."

Rin's hand tightened on the fabric of her housecoat, her knuckles pressing lightly against the skin of her chest. "I don't believe you."

Gumi chuckled softly once more and remarked, "And that's before you've even heard the story." Her eyes twinkling with mischief, she questioned, "So, would you like to hear the story?"

Rin started shaking her head. She looked so powerless. Yuki tried to run to her, but she couldn't manage to control her limbs. She felt like she was watching a television show; no matter how much she wanted to run to Rin's side and protect her, she was simply part of the audience. There was nothing she could do to help her mother, absolutely nothing.

"Too bad," Gumi sighed, grinning with a faint hint of malice. Yuki drew back, startled by this expression. She'd never seen Gumi like this before. She wanted to believe that this woman was still the same one who'd visited her all those years, but how could her beloved auntie _ever_ wear that expression? "It's a great story."

Rin went silent for a moment before asking in a voice that tried to be firm but wavered far too much to be even close, "What are you doing here?"

Gumi smiled and lifted her hand up to stroke Rin's cheek, but Rin smacked her away before she had the chance. Gumi's smiled faded for a moment, hurt shining in her eyes. Yuki flinched, hating to see her auntie in pain. Her loyalty to her mother refused to waver, though. It was Rin that was most important. Slowly, Gumi smiled again, and she said, "I just wanted to hear your voice, Rin. I've missed you."

Rin stayed absolutely silent. She'd taken one step back, staying as far as she could from the woman on the either side of the door's threshold. Gumi watched her with a tenderness Yuki hadn't seen before now. Were Gumi and her auntie really the same person?

"I want to be back in your life, Rin," Gumi insisted, her eyes quietly shining with desperation and longing. "You've always been the most important person in my life. I know I made mistakes, but I can make up for them."

Rin took another step back now, her voice sounding more like a growl now as her strength returned to her, just a little. "That's not what you can call 'a mistake', Gumi. Get out. I don't want you in my life."

"Please, Rin," Gumi begged, her eyes showing heartbreak to the onlooker. Yuki froze, her heart searing with sympathy for the woman, but Yuki knew that she had to always be on Rin's side. "You must be lonely now that Len's gone. I'll stay with you, I'll—"

She had reached for Rin again, but Rin had pulled back and screeched, "No!" Yuki felt the wind press against her as Iroha dashed by, finally noticing Rin at the door. The coral-haired woman pressed herself between Gumi and Rin, and Yuki quickly dashed toward her mother. She met Gumi's eyes for just one moment, but she couldn't stand what she saw there. The heartbreak, the pain, it was all there, but now anger shone brightly, the barest hint of madness gleaming brightly in those bright green eyes.

"Get out of here, Gumi, and never come back," Iroha ordered firmly, glowering at the greenette.

Gumi's eyes flamed with rage as she explained, "Rin and I are just having a talk, Iroha. Leave us alone."

"Like hell I'll ever leave you alone with her again," Iroha spat, thoroughly disgusted by the sight of Gumi. Yuki wished someone would explain everything to her. It wasn't fair. Wasn't she a part of this family, too? How was she supposed to help if they left her in the dark?

"What did I ever do to you, Iroha?" Gumi shouted, her foot slamming against the welcome mat as she finally took a step forward, entering the apartment. Yuki felt a hand grabbing her, and she was pulled away by Aria. She dragged Rin with her, and, while Gumi was focused on Iroha, the pink-blonde woman shooed the two of them back into the kitchen, where Piko waited.

"What did _Rin_ ever do to you, Gumi?" argued Iroha. "If you really cared about her, you'd stay the hell away from her!"

"Gumi, just leave," Aria ordered as she left Piko, Yuki, and Rin in the kitchen in order to stand by Iroha's side. "You're not wanted here, not even by me."

It was quiet for a moment before Gumi murmured, "So Len even stole you from me, Aria? Have I lost everyone?"

"Len didn't steal me from you, Gumi," Aria informed her, her voice trembling with anger. "You lost me all on your own."

"That's bullshit!" Gumi exclaimed. Yuki winced, as did Piko and Rin. "Len stole you all! Everything I ever had, Len stole from me! He took you, he took Rin, he took Yuki! Iroha, too! Now that Len's gone, you're stealing everything from me! It's not fair! It's not fair, not fair, not _fair_!" Her voice had gone shrill in that last repetition, and her heartache was so palpable that Yuki was near tears. Was it such a sin to want to be loved? "Now I don't have _anything_, and it's all thanks to _you_!"

Then came the sound of the door being shut and the heavy silence that followed.


	32. I'll Protect the Ones I Love, so

Chapter Thirty-Two

I'll Protect the Ones I Love, so . . .

"You're really an idiot if you think this is going to make any difference, Iroha," Aria warned her through the silence that had fallen. Iroha had tugged her coat on already, though, and had one foot out the door.

"I don't care," Iroha snapped, glaring at Aria. She wasn't mad at Aria, of course, but this anger was suffocating her. She had to let some of it out. "I'll go and find her and make sure she stays away from Rin."

Before she could get the other foot out the door, however, Aria had grabbed her arm. She looked back to the woman in irritation, seeing Aria's hesitance. "Iroha, I think she gets the picture," the woman reasoned. "She's obviously really torn up. Do you really have to make it worse?"

Iroha narrowed her eyes as Aria and quietly told her, "You haven't been here, Aria. You haven't seen how terrified Rin is. You haven't woken her up when she's had dreams about _that_."

Aria still didn't seem certain, but she let Iroha go, anyway. Aria and Gumi were childhood friends, after all, like Iroha and Len. So, in a way, Iroha could understand why Aria didn't want Gumi to be hurt more than she already had been. No matter what the circumstances, Iroha knew she'd do the same for Len. Len was her best friend, after all. "Just don't hurt her too much, please," the woman requested.

"No promises," Iroha murmured, waving her arm to free herself from Aria's grip. She paused for a moment, wondering if she should check on Rin first, but she had to go after Gumi before the woman got too far.

Iroha hustled out of the building, into the brisk winter air. She had half expected Gumi to be there, waiting for her, but she caught a glimpse of the green-haired woman making her way out of the parking lot. Gumi turned at the sound of Iroha's footsteps and smiled a wicked but tired grin. "Oh, if it isn't the hypocrite," Gumi remarked half-heartedly, pausing in her walk as Iroha continued her constant pace toward the woman who had once been her friend.

"Stay away from Rin," Iroha ordered. "She doesn't need this kind of stress in her life. Len may be gone, but Yuki is still her daughter. She needs her family, and you're not part of it."

The corner of Gumi's lip hitched up in a smirk, and she questioned smartly, "And you are?"

Iroha flinched. She hated that question and the smug expression on Gumi's face as she asked it. "I'm Yuki's mother."

Gumi's smirk grew wider as she wondered, "Then what does that make Rin?"

"We're both Yuki's mothers," Iroha snapped, glaring at the accuser.

Gumi sank into one hip, watching Iroha with amusement playing in her eyes. "Then what are you two to each other?"

"Shut up!" Iroha snapped, knowing there was no way that she could answer that. "Just get out and stay out, got it?"

Gumi smiled and wondered, "How about we walk, Iroha? If we stand around here, we just may cause a scene."

Iroha snorted, despite knowing that Gumi was right, and stated instead as she began walking, "And here I thought you enjoyed making scenes."

Gumi chuckled and followed Iroha as the woman brushed past her. "You did like me once, Iroha, remember?"

Iroha looked straight ahead. No, she didn't remember, because she never had. "No," she argued, gazing at the ice-slicked branches of the park's trees. They'd had freezing rain that morning, though not badly enough so for school to be cancelled. "I never liked you. Rin liked you, and Aria liked you. I liked them, so I played nice with you. I hated the way you'd cling to Rin, though, and I hated how much more she liked you than she liked me."

Gumi snorted. "And that's why I call you a hypocrite. You and I are exactly the same, Iroha, but you look down on me so fiercely."

Iroha couldn't believe her ears. She glared at Gumi and snapped, "I'm nothing like you, and I'll never be like you."

Gumi just smiled innocently ahead and looked at the piles of snow gathered into forts by neighbourhood children. "I made a mistake, Iroha, but, aside from that, everything is the same in our situations."

Iroha considered pausing in her walking and turning back, but there was no way she'd let this go. In addition, she had to convince Gumi not to ever come near Rin or Yuki again. "You're completely wrong, Gumi. Besides," she continued, a fire in her eyes as she forced out words she'd hoped she'd never have to speak to anyone, "I hate you."

Gumi didn't even flinch before responding, "Trust me, Iroha, you can't hate me nearly as much as I hate you. You hate me for my relationship with Rin. I hate you for yours with Rin, with Aria, with Yuki, with Len, and with Ryuto."

Iroha didn't feel any sympathy for the wavering in Gumi's voice and simply stared ahead. Iroha barely had a relationship with Ryuto. Yuki had one, of course, but Ryuto had only been over to Rin's apartment a handful of times. "I don't understand how you even have a sweet kid like that," Iroha told her, venom in her voice. She knew better than to let her emotions get to out of control, because she really didn't want to cause a scene. It was taking all her restraint to not scream at Gumi right now, and she held on to the hope that they'd find someplace deserted where she could finally chase Gumi away for good. "He's way too good for you."

Gumi snorted at this and replied, "Trust me, I'm a better mother than you or Rin any day. My kid turned out to be the best kid in the world. But, of course, you took that from me, too, Iroha."

Iroha narrowed her eyes at Gumi and snapped, "You can't play the victim after what you've done, Gumi."

They fell silent then, the only sound coming to them being the crunch of icy snow underfoot. Iroha stared forward, wondering how in the world Gumi got off acting like this. After what she'd done, she shouldn't have had the bravery to come back here and act like nothing had happened.

Gumi's soft voice broke through the silence of Iroha's thoughts. "If you lost Rin, you'd do the same thing."

Iroha scowled at the suggestion. "I'd never do what you did."

They fell quiet for a little longer before Gumi spoke once more. "There's no way you weren't even a little happy when you found out that Len was out of the picture and Rin was going to need you."

Iroha's blood ran cold as those words registered, and she lost all sense of control. With a power she didn't know she possessed, she slammed into Gumi and pinned the woman onto the ground, screaming in her face, "How dare you even suggest that I was remotely happy when Len died! I felt like it was me myself who had died when I heard about his passing! It wasn't until Aria called me up that I even _remembered_ to think about Rin! I'd give anything in the world to have him still here with her, here with all of us! I don't care if his passing meant I would be closer to Rin! I'll never get to see Len again, ever, and neither will Rin! Rin loved him, and she still does! She'll probably never fall in love again, and she'll never get over him! Did you know that they had just gotten _engaged_? He died just a couple hours after they swore to spend the rest of their lives together! Nothing will ever make up for Len being dead, _nothing_!"

Gumi didn't cower under Iroha's hostile gaze and simply stared down at the other woman, stating simply, "Maybe Rin would be able to move on if her beloved's best friend wasn't always by her side. Have you thought of that?"

Iroha couldn't help but look away. She couldn't hold Gumi's gaze. Of course she'd thought of that. She constantly thought of that. Maybe it would be better if she was gone, but not now, not when the threat of Gumi hovered nearby. "Of course you have," Gumi continued. "But you're selfish. You want to be with Rin, even if it hurts her." Iroha felt her grip on Gumi weakening. Her nails no longer dug into Gumi's shoulders, and Gumi could have easily broken free, but she didn't. Instead, she kept talking. "As much as you hate it, Iroha, we're exactly the same. You understand more than anyone why I refuse to stay away."

"Stay away," Iroha tried to hiss, but it came out weak, fragile.

"I want to help her, so I'll take Yuki from her."

It seemed like the world had fallen silent for the longest moment Iroha had ever experienced. She froze stiff, her grip tightening once more as her eyes found Gumi's. Through gritted teeth, she wondered, "What?"

Gumi smiled at her and said, "Having Yuki nearby just hurts her and reminds her of Len, after all. If she doesn't want to be with me, I'll just take Yuki back. Two birds with one stone, right?"

Slowly, the thoughts in Iroha's mind caught up to the conversation, and she breathed, "You'll take Yuki so that Rin will come to you. You know she'll follow Yuki now. Yuki is her daughter."

Gumi smiled and said, "It's genius, isn't it?"

Iroha slowly shook her head, unable to believe that Gumi thought this would work. It was insane. _She_ was insane. "There's no way they'll let you take Yuki from her. Len adopted Yuki months ago."

Gumi brushed off Iroha's hands as they fell limp with shock. Iroha spread her palms against the tree to keep herself up, as stiff with shock as she was, as Gumi slipped away and continued to walk down the road. Iroha couldn't manage the strength to turn her head and see Gumi's departing figure as Gumi called her parting words.

"I think you'll see that I'm better suited to be Yuki's mother than either of you, Iroha. I've known her much longer than you have, after all."


	33. If You Kept This Secret, Did You Ever

**Author's Note: Quick summary of previous chapters. Aria came back to take care of Rin. Out of nowhere, Gumi appeared at Rin's apartment. Rin was terrified, and Gumi taunted her with hints at a story that "may break Rin's heart". When both Aria and Iroha told Gumi to leave, Gumi screamed at them about Len taking everything from her and stormed off. Iroha followed after her and told Gumi to stay away from them. Gumi told Iroha that she plans on taking Yuki from Rin to "help Rin move on". Now we're back to Rin in the apartment.**

Chapter Thirty-Three

If You Kept This Secret, Did You Ever Really . . .

"Why am I so weak?" Rin murmured more to herself than to her company as she rested her forehead on her knees. She closed her eyes to stop the thin trail of tears from leaking past her gaze.

"Rin, you're not weak," Aria murmured, kneeling beside her friend, who had crumpled to the floor as soon as Gumi had left. The woman put her arm around Rin and hugged her tightly against her body, but the touch brought little comfort to Rin. It was impossible to feel comfort when this sort of vulnerability pierced through Rin. Nowhere was safe anymore. She wasn't sure if Gumi was gone, if she was still here, if she'd be back any second. There was nowhere to hide. She was trapped again, only, this time, Len wasn't here to guide her to safety. She was completely trapped this time. She was completely alone.

"Mom."

That murmur came to Rin's ears as her thoughts fell into this darkness. She blinked her tears eyes to cure the blurring, casting her gaze up to Yuki, who smiled at her gently despite the great distress that shone in her gaze.

"It's okay, Mom," the child continued, her own gazing tearing up as it met her mother's. "You're plenty strong. You don't need to worry anymore, though, and you don't need to be strong, 'cause me and Mama and Piko and Aria are all here, too. We're all strong, too, so we can help when you're not. 'Cause you, me, and Mama, we're a family, right? And Len, too. Len's with us, too. I know he is, 'cause he always told me that you and him would be together forever."

It wasn't the mention of Len that made Rin break into sobs then, at least not completely. It wasn't her fear of Gumi, or the thought of the safety Yuki promised. It was Yuki herself. Yuki, who, without knowing anything, without understanding the situation at all, did all she could to make her mother feel safe. Even if Iroha left her, ever if Aria returned to Leon, even if Len wasn't truly here, so long as Rin had Yuki, there was no reason for her to be scared. She had someone to protect, after all, so she knew she could be strong. Her love for Yuki was stronger. It was stronger than the terror she felt each time she remembered that night. It was stronger than her fears. So, with all she had, Rin forced those fears from her and hugged the child who had started sobbing. Poor Yuki, so lost and confused. She shouldn't have had to deal with this, so Rin would save her daughter from this pain and misery. There was nothing more important than Yuki's protection, and Rin would never allow herself to forget that.

So long as Rin had Yuki, everything would be okay.

. . .

"_Are you sure about this, Rin?"_

Iroha had asked that so many times before Rin had finally managed to shrug on her coat and make it out the apartment door. She'd run into Aria, who'd taken Yuki and Piko to school that day, on the way out of the building.

"_If you really think you need to do this, I won't stop you, but please be careful, Rin."_

Aria had gazed at her cautiously, knowing better than to try to deter Rin once the woman had made up her mind. She'd made Rin promise to call her if anything happened, a promise Rin had no doubt she'd uphold. She was only pretending to be strong, after all, and only pretending to be brave. She was scared, anxious, and had no idea what she was doing. Still, it was a fear she had to face. This had haunted her since high school. She wanted to finally be free, to move on with her life, and this was the only way she could think to do it.

So, Rin made her way to the school Aria had just returned from. Classes didn't start for another half hour, so parents were still dropping off their children. That sickening anxiety weighed on Rin's heart heavier and heavier as she walked closer and closer. Her eyes flicked every which way, looking for that shock of green hair that she'd always recognize.

There it was. Gumi stood at the gates, placing a kiss on Ryuto's head. The boy flinched as she did, but there was a huge smile on his face as his eyes filled with such affection. Gumi's held the same as his, and it alarmed Rin as she watched the woman watch her child run off to school. It was strange. Somewhere along the line, Gumi had stopped even seeming human to her. That smile on her face, though, was one of a loving mother. It was similar to the smiles she'd always given Rin. Rin froze, wondering if Gumi truly regretted it. Had it truly just been a simple mistake? Perhaps Rin had thought too much of it. Perhaps Gumi could be her friend, after all.

Ryuto seemed to notice something in the corner of his eye because he stopped in his trot toward the school and looked back. Rin glanced at Gumi to see that curious gaze, another expression that was so unbelievably human, then looked back to Ryuto. Her heart stuttered when she noticed that he was now facing she herself, giving a wave and a small smile. Of course. He recognized her, Yuki's mother, and was being polite. However, it had brought Rin to Gumi's attention, and Rin's heart hiccupped yet again as that humanity slithered from Gumi's vision and a darkness fell over the woman's eyes as she gazed toward the blonde. Rin smiled as best she could to Ryuto and gave him a small wave before gesturing for him to continue on his way. He did as ordered, leaving the two mothers alone to stop and stare at each other for what might have been eternity or what might have been a heartbeat.

Finally, Rin had to glance down. It was too painful to gaze as Gumi. It triggered memories, and those memories made her stop being human once again. Still, Rin had decided to do this. She'd decided to be strong, so she forced her gaze up once more and shortened the distance between she and Gumi.

"Tell me your story," Rin ordered.

Slowly, a smile crept onto Gumi's lips, and she replied, "Let's get out of the cold, shall we?"

. . .

"Is Yuki at school today?" Ring wondered cordially as she placed a green tea in front of Rin and a hot chocolate before Gumi. Rin had chosen to bring Gumi here for their discussion. This was someplace that reminded her of Yuki, after all, and she could help remind herself of why she was here in the first place.

"It's a weekday, Ring. Of course she is," Rin said with a smirk, narrowing her eyes playfully at the girl. She was trying to distract herself from Gumi's gaze on her. "The real question is: why aren't you in school? Aren't you a high-schooler?"

Ring laughed nervously with a playful grin at Rin and, with mischievous darkness, responded, "Whyever would you think that, dearest customer? Of course I wouldn't skip class in favour of picking up a shift and making some extra money."

Rin blew on the steaming tea to try to cool it down to a drinkable temperature and simply responded, "I won't tell if you don't."

"Thank you," Ring replied cutely before biding a momentary farewell and heading off to deliver the rest of her orders. Then, it was only Rin and Gumi.

Rin stared firmly at Gumi, awaiting the explanation she'd come for. Gumi simply grinned, obviously enjoying watching Rin's hesitant resolve, until Rin finally requested, "Will you please stop wasting my time and tell me?"

Gumi laughed at that and told the other girl, "Now now, Rin, that's the way you always talked to Len, not me."

Rin flinched at this comment. It was true, after all. Len had always been rather tiresome, but she'd loved him all the same. Gumi had never merited such exhausted responses from her before. To cover up her weakness, Rin said, "If you don't hurry up, I'm leaving."

Gumi leaned leisurely forward, propping her elbows on the table and lacing her fingers together to create a cradle for her chin. "I told you that this may break your heart, Rin. Are you sure you want to hear it?"

Rin hesitated for a moment. This story was about Len, wasn't it? What could Gumi have to say about Len that Rin didn't already know? There was nothing Rin didn't know about her fiancé. As such, she nodded her head, gazing steadily back at Gumi, who was evidently enjoying herself.

"If you insist," Gumi sighed with mock regret, playing as though Rin was forcing her to share with her. It was obvious that she was more than excited to tell her story, though, and Rin felt nervousness bubbling in the pit of her stomach.

"Do you remember that Christmas party our first year of university? The one you, Len, Iroha, and Aria went to?"

A shiver of unease rippled across Rin's skin. How could Gumi know anything about that party? That was after that night. It'd been over a year since they'd last spoken. Gumi hadn't been there, either; it was Leon's party, after all, and Leon knew that Aria and Gumi were no longer speaking.

"Do you remember what happened after that party, Rin?"

Of course she remembered, but how the hell could Gumi know about that? That had been in Rin and Aria's dorm room. Aria was staying with Leon for the night. Iroha was dating someone or other at that point and had remained at the party with him until it finished. Aside from that, it was only Rin and Len. No one could have known, and no one could have told her.

"Well, Len was a little fed up after he left, and quite reasonably so. I ran into him on the street and brought him home to calm him down. He was yelling at me a fair bit, after all, because he was still mad at me. As you probably remember, though, Rin, he was also fairly wasted, so he got sick of yelling after a while."

Rin closed her eyes, bracing herself. Was she paranoid? How she thought this story was going to end wasn't how it was, was it? If it was, of course Len wouldn't have told her. But that meant he'd lied to her. That meant . . .

_Len was stumbling drunkenly next to Rin, and she giggled hysterically watching him. She wasn't as drunk as he was, after all, so it was hilarious to watch his continuous failures._

"_Hey, Rin," he slurred as she pushed him off of her to open the door into her room. He wanted a kiss, it seemed, but she'd rather get inside first. "Y'know I love you, right?"_

_She giggled and responded, "Yes, Len, you say it about a billion times a day."_

"_And you love me, right?"_

_She rolled her eyes and reached up to place a kiss on his lips, murmuring, "Yes, Len, I love you." She took his hand gently and brought him into the room, turning on the lights and closing the door. Then, she kissed him again, only this time it was a stronger, less innocent kiss, and her hands didn't stayed where they should have._

_When his hands tried to make their way to her chest, however, panic overwhelmed her and she pushed him away. She glared at him, not caring that she'd ruined the moment. She told him, "I already said no, Len."_

_In his drunken state, he got angry in a way he never had before, causing Rin to shrink back in shock. "C'mon, Rin, it's not like you haven't let me before!"_

_Rin's eyes flickered to the floor, anger and guilt simultaneously gnawing at her heart. "It's different now, Len. You know I can't handle that anymore. Please try to be a bit more considerate, 'cause you're kind of being an ass right now." She looked up at him with a small glare, hoping a bit of harshness would get him to back off. Unfortunately, however, it only had the opposite effect._

"_It's been over a year, Rin!" snapped Len, glaring at her harder now. "I've been fucking considerate, haven't I? I've been fine only doing what you're okay with. I've stayed away from there. I haven't once asked you for anything more, have I?" He slammed a fist against the wall, causing Rin to leap away from him and stumble onto the floor. "I've been considerate the entire time, Rin, but you can't blame me for thinking it's a little unfair, can you? You can do whatever you want to me, but I'm not allowed anywhere near your chest since Gumi—"_

"_Shut the hell up, Len!" Rin shouted at him, unable to handle thoughts of Gumi. She didn't want to cry right now, especially because she knew that it would manipulate Len into calming down and that he'd only grow more resentful of her. "You have no idea what I went through!"_

"_You have no idea what I've been going through either, Rin!" Len snapped back. "Do you know how much I hate that I couldn't be there for you? You're not even letting me be there for you now! It's like you lost all faith in me when you lost it in Gumi, and I didn't even do anything to deserve it! I've done nothing but be considerate of it! We've been together for almost three years now, Rin, so forgive me for getting a little impatient when you won't let me touch your boobs, let alone sleep with you! Do you not trust me enough, Rin? Is that it? Because I don't think I've ever done anything worth losing your trust!"_

"_What, so you're trying to pressure me into sleeping with you now?" Rin growled, glaring at Len at she brought herself back up to her feet._

_Len let out a growl of his own, flushing his frustration into the air, and snapped, "No, Rin, you're missing the point completely." Then, his anger simmering down, he sighed and turned the knob on the door. "You know what, never mind. You don't get it, and I don't feel like having this discussion."_

_She wasn't done fighting yet, though, so Rin shouted at him, "If you walk out that door, then we're done."_

_Len stopped for a moment and then looked back at Rin sadly and murmured, "I'm sorry, Rin. I tried my best."_

"Well, Rin, I think you can figure out what happened next."


	34. You Never Loved Me, You Just Wanted

Chapter Thirty-Four

You Never Loved Me, You Just Wanted . . .

Rin and Iroha didn't notice Yuki and Piko enter, and the serious vibe inside the room prompted them both to stay silent. Aria was downstairs making a phone call after picking them up after school.

"It turns out that the reason Len and I took so long to get back together was probably that he felt too guilty after sleeping with Gumi to face me," Rin murmured to Iroha. Yuki's face went red as she heard them referencing sex, but she knew this was too serious a moment for her to get too embarrassed. Still, listening to them talk about that with Piko standing beside her was incredibly uncomfortable. "And I guess he lied to me, too, when I asked him if I was his first time, too."

"He probably wanted to forget it ever happened," Iroha replied in an attempt to comfort Rin. "After all, who would ever want to remember sleeping with Gumi?" Iroha shuddered with a joking smile to try to break the tension, but, seeing that Rin couldn't be cheered up, her face grew sombre once more.

"It's my fault, really," Rin murmured, hugging her knees tightly to her chest. "We'd made a promise before the Gumi thing that it was how we'd celebrate making it to two years, so of course it would be frustrating for him that I wouldn't let him anywhere near me after that night."

Piko was fidgeting uncomfortably, but Yuki was suddenly too caught up in her thoughts to feel awkward. Len and her auntie had slept together? Didn't that mean that Len cheated on Rin? Yuki had never thought he'd do something like that. He didn't seem to be the type at all.

"It really sucks, though," Rin continued. "I mean, it can't be helped, but I really thought I was his first time. I should've just gotten over it and kept my promise to him."

"Rin, you can't be blamed for being skittish afterward," Iroha reasoned. "No one should have expected you to be fine after something like that."

"He was right, though," Rin argued. "I didn't trust him anymore. I couldn't trust anyone after that. I didn't trust you, Len, Aria, Leon, anyone, and that wasn't fair of me. Just because Gumi had broken my trust didn't give me a right to stop believing in everyone around me, people who had done nothing wrong."

"Len still shouldn't have . . ." But Iroha trailed off, seeing that Rin had fallen to silence with a contemplative look in her eyes. "What is it, Rin?"

Rin smiled bitterly and left a simple statement with an implication anyone, even Ryuto, could've inferred. "Len was too frustrated to bother taking any precautions before they did it."

Iroha blinked for a while. She obviously couldn't believe what she was hearing. Yuki couldn't, either. Was Rin saying that Gumi got . . . pregnant? Or was Yuki just severely confused? Piko's widened eyes said that she wasn't, if he and she were both understanding correctly.

"You mean Ryuto?" Iroha questioned. "But he . . ." She went silent again, because Rin was shaking her head.

"Not Ryuto," Rin responded slowly. She smiled, this time a touch of sweetness to the bitter, and continued, "Let's just say that Len's final gift to me meant more to him than I ever really realized."

Iroha had gone silent, understanding immediately. Yuki had no idea what they were talking about, so she looked to Piko. He was staring at her in disbelief, causing her to become even more confused. "What?" she mouthed to him. What was Len's last gift? She didn't understand at all. Iroha cleared it up in an instant, though.

"You mean Yuki is . . . ?" she gasped, gazing wide-eyed at her roommate. Rin nodded in response, and Yuki understood. Len and her auntie. There was a reason they'd always visited her. She wasn't just some kid. She was _their_ kid.

"Gumi put her up for adoption. She didn't tell Len until Yuki was three or four, at which point Len had wracked up too many debts from school to even consider adopting her."

"No," Iroha murmured, shaking her head as a panic filed her head. "No, no, no." She grabbed Rin by the should and begged, "Please, Rin, tell me that you're lying. Tell me this is all just a joke."

Rin smiled resentfully and responded, "I wish it was."

Iroha's head fell then and, still gripping Rin's shoulders, she murmured, "Rin, we're going to lose Yuki."

Rin's confusion mirror Yuki's own as a cold chill ran through the young girl. They were going to lose her? What did Iroha mean? Rin searched for the answer with a simple, "What?"

"When I chased after Gumi that day, she told me that she was going to take Yuki from you. I didn't take her seriously then, but if Gumi is her biological mother than maybe that means she can take her back."

Everyone fell into silence then. Yuki listened to the clock ticking. _Tick tick tick._ Her auntie was going to take her? _Tick tick tick._ She wouldn't get to stay with Rin and Iroha anymore? _Tick tick tick._ They were going to let her be taken away? _Tick tick tick._ She was going to lose them, like she lost Len? _Plip plip plip._ No! It wasn't fair!

Once Yuki noticed she was crying, she couldn't stop herself from breaking into sobs in the doorway. Rin and Iroha finally noticed she and Piko standing there then and ran to comfort her, though Piko was already holding her and comforting her.

It wasn't fair. She was going to be all alone again. Gumi was going to take her mothers away from her. It wasn't fair! She wanted to be with Iroha and Rin! She felt so completely helpless, because, just like with Len, there was nothing she could do about it. She was stuck with a fate she could do nothing to control, and she was going to lose everything she loved for the second time in a year.

. . .

"Yuki, come back! You're gonna get in trouble!" Neru hissed quietly as Yuki climbed the chain-link fence that circled the schoolyard as she and her friends were meant to be playing at recess the next day.

"But there's something I gotta do," Yuki responded back to Neru, who had luckily been the only one to notice her slipping away. "Tell everyone I went to the bathroom, okay?"

Neru shook her head violently and wondered, "Did that awful woman do something to you? 'Cause running away ain't gonna solve anything."

Yuki frowned back at her friend once she'd hopped to the other side of the gate and could lower her gaze to meet Neru's. "Mom didn't do anything. There's an actual awful woman who's trying to, though, and I gotta stop her."

"Well you can't go alone," Neru reasoned, and before Yuki could stop her, the smaller girl was already halfway up the fence.

"W-what are you doing?" Yuki questioned, widening her eyes at Neru as the other girl hopped over the fence and into the snow below.

Neru grinned a toothy smile and responded, "I'm coming with you of course. It's too dangerous for you to go alone."

Yuki pouted but didn't try to stop her from following. She knew Neru would cause a fuss if she did and cause Yuki to get caught. Instead, she simply accepted this fate and told Neru, "We're going to my adoption agency. I gotta talk to Miku."

Neru blinked at her for a moment and then exclaimed, "Aha! So the awful woman _did_ do something!"

Yuki shook her head and insisted, "No, it's another really bad woman."

Neru stopped speaking for a while to consider this and then wondered, "So it's the other woman that always come to get you?"

Yuki blinked at her and questioned, "Iroha or Aria?"

Neru seemed to choose one at random. "Iroha."

Yuki responded immediately. "No."

"Aria, then."

Yuki was silent for a bit, because she admittedly still didn't have much affection for Aria given how Piko wouldn't shut up about how pretty she was, but it still didn't merit her being called an awful woman. "No."

Neru groaned in irritation and questioned, "Who is it, then?"

"Ryu-chan's mom."

With that statement, Yuki decided to share with Neru everything that had been going on lately as they walked. In the end, she was actually quite relieved that Neru had insisted on coming along with her. It was a comfort to know that her friend was with her. She hadn't wanted to admit it, but she had been incredibly nervous about doing this. Not only was she afraid of getting lost (Neru was good with directions), but she didn't know what she was supposed to say when she arrived, and she probably would have gotten shy and backed out the moment she got told down. With Neru there, though, she knew the other girl would keep pushing and help her along. It really was a great help to her.

It was mid-afternoon when they found their way to the agency, but Miku came to them straight away when she heard that Yuki had come without her parents. However, to Yuki's surprise, her anxious behaviour had nothing to do with Yuki having come alone (Neru didn't count as accompaniment apparently) and, rather, she dropped to her knees at eye level with Yuki with a concern Yuki found vastly unmerited.

"Did she do something again, Yuki?" Miku questioned right off the bat. "Don't worry, we'll get you out of there as soon as possible. Please just bear with it for a little bit longer, sweetie."

Yuki narrowed her eyes in confusion and wondered, "What are you talking about?" She obviously wasn't talking about Yuki's auntie.

"Your teacher told me about those cuts from before," Miku informed her, stroking Yuki's arm in a misguided attempt to comfort her. The cuts? Was she talking about that time Rin threw the plate? But that was so long ago. "You'll never guess what happened, though, Yuki." She grinned broadly, expecting her enthusiasm to pass on to the child, but Yuki was only growing more and more tense. Neru sensed this and had decided to remain quiet for once. "Remember that nice woman that always came to visit you? We've been talking, and she'd love to take you in. You'd have a little brother, too."

Yuki jerked away from Miku. No. She wanted to give her to Gumi? "I wanna stay with Rin and Iroha," Yuki informed her.

Confusion crossed Miku's gaze, then sympathy. "No, sweetie, it's okay. They won't be able to hurt you anymore. I'll make sure of it."

"They've never hurt me!" Yuki yelled, knowing that wasn't entirely true, but still. Neru took over then, probably noticing that Yuki had started shaking.

Grabbing Yuki's hand to guide her away, Neru snapped at Miku, "You adults are all the same. You don't understand anything, do you?"

Thus ended their short, fruitless expedition, because Neru pulled Yuki back outside, telling her not to talk to Miku as Miku tried to get her to come back and talk to her. Yuki was in a state of disbelief. Miku was _trying _to give her to Gumi? What hope was there, then? Yuki was going to lose her family. She knew she was about to cry, so she stared down at her feet and let her bangs fall in front of her eyes.

"Hey, watch it!" Neru snapped, and Yuki suddenly felt herself being jerked away. "Let go of her!"

Yuki was too terrified to scream, though she tried to. She couldn't get a sound to part from her lips, though, until a voice pierced through her eyes. "Calm down, you brat. I'm her mother."

Yuki felt anger flush through her, and she glared up at Gumi, joining Neru as the other girl shouted, "You're not her mother!"

"Rin and Iroha are my mothers!" Yuki snapped.

Gumi just glared at her, and Yuki lost her ability to speak once more. That was the look of a monster, she thought, and she found herself cowering in fear as Neru placed herself between them. "What were you two doing just now?" Gumi asked. They were a fair bit from the agency, so she couldn't have known anything, right?

"We were going for a walk," Neru spat back as Yuki mouthed words, unable to get past that. Why couldn't she find her voice?

"I meant at the agency," Gumi said coldly, narrowing her gaze further.

"Yuki doesn't wanna go with you," Neru argued, ignoring the question.

"Well there's not much you can do about that," replied Gumi, shoving Neru harshly out of the way. In a flash, Yuki saw stars, her vision going black as she squeezed her eyes shut on sight of an oncoming hand. She felt the skin on her cheek rip. A moment later, she felt her sleeve being pushed up, and a sudden onslaught of heat fell over her arm and splashed onto the ground below her. The harsh scent of black coffee hit her nose as she opened her eyes to see Gumi's blank expression gazing at her, and empty, disposable coffee cup in the hand that wasn't holding up Yuki's sleeve. "I mean, look how much harm Rin has done to you."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Neru exclaimed, scrambling to her feet and tearing Yuki away. "You did that! I saw it!"

Gumi's face morphed into a sinister one with a dark smile as she looked straight at Yuki while she responded to Neru, "No one will believe you, though, after everything that Rin's done." Her gaze softened a little as she told Yuki, "I truly am sorry that you had to get involved in this though, Yuki. I don't care for you one way or another. It's Rin that I've truly wanted all along."

With that, Gumi turned and walked slowly and deliberately away. Neru didn't part from Yuki, but she did shout abuse at Gumi the entire time the woman was in earshot. Yuki, however, couldn't seem to find a single word to say to represent the deep cut Gumi had lain on her heart.

**Author's Note: Gumi was wearing a ring, btw, which is how she cut Yuki's cheek. Also shout-out to Nekofan123, the one who's nagged me time and time again to write this story and is the only reason I never discontinued it :) Thanks for always messaging me about the story!**


	35. Stay Away from Her, or I'll

Chapter Thirty-Five

Stay Away from Her, or I'll . . .

"Alright, yes that's fine," Rin was saying into the phone as Iroha arrived home after work. She dropped her briefcase beside the front door and kicked off her boots and coat. It was probably Lily calling. Iroha had gone to pick up Piko and Yuki and had been told by the teacher who had replaced Miki that they'd gone home with Lily, Haku, and Neru. "Sure, yeah, okay." It was the weekend, so they must have decided on an impromptu sleepover. Rin bade farewell to the phone and hung up, looking to Iroha. "Welcome back."

"Good to be back," responded Iroha, gazing around the apartment. "Where's Aria?"

Rin smiled timidly, guiltily, and confessed, "I did something a little stupid today, so she insisted on going out and fixing it."

Iroha froze and looked to Rin's chest, where her hand had fluttered to when she'd spoken, and then back at her friend. "What did you do?" she asked cautiously, taking gentle steps toward Rin as though the woman might dart away at any moment. That how she used to be, so Iroha was accustomed to it, though Rin didn't seem to have any intentions of running away this time.

Rin grinned and rolled her eyes, seeing Iroha's momentary shift of gaze. "Relax, Iroha. I did that once, okay? I'm not gonna do it again. That was a lot stupid, not a little."

"Well excuse me for being concerned," Iroha said sarcastically. "When you walk in on your best friend trying to cut off a scar, which doesn't even make sense by the way, you tend to get a little paranoid for the future."

"It was so that it could be my own scar after," Rin argued with a bit or a pout, then she shook her head and said, "Nevermind, that doesn't matter. Anyway, Gumi stopped by my work today and asked about the scar."

"How does she know where you work?" Iroha questioned, cutting off Rin's story. "How did she get in there, anyway."

Rin waved off the questions and hushed, "Shh, let me finish answering your first question. Basically, I wound up getting pissed and knocked her onto the ground and asked if she wanted to match." Rin broke out laughing then, which Iroha found more than a little odd, and said, "Oh my god, Iroha, you should have seen her face! It was hilarious! She was so annoyed 'cause I just didn't give a damn! It was priceless!"

Iroha paused and then gazed at Rin, studying her for a bit. Then, she completely closed the distance between them and ordered Rin, "Breathe out." Rin giggled and complied. Iroha wrinkled her nose in distaste at the sharp scent of alcohol. "You're absolutely wasted, aren't you?"

"Since you left for work," Rin responded, grinning like an idiot upon producing a bottle of what appeared to be water but with likely straight vodka, given Rin's taste. "Liquid strength, I tell you."

Iroha stared at Rin irritably and told her, "You're an idiot, Rin. This isn't going to help."

Rin just laughed more and twirled 480 degrees, walking across the carpet so that the heel of her forward foot was placed touching the toes of her preceding foot. "Nothing's gonna help though, Iroha, because Miku called me this morning at work." She looked back to Iroha with a grin and told her, "Lily called her, you see, because Yuki's got a cut on her cheek and a burn on her arm and they think I did it. Yuki's not ever coming back home again, and we're not allowed to take care of Piko-kins anymore so his aunt's probably gonna get him." She laughed again and flopped onto the couch. "It's just me and you now, Iroha, because Len's dead and Yuki's not allowed here anymore. Gumi was right. She won. She got Yuki back."

Iroha was staring at Rin in disbelief. Was she serious? What was Iroha supposed to say? Then again, she didn't have the chance to say anything. Rin was rambling on, after all. From the couch, Rin kept that giant smile on her face and informed her roommate, "You know, that's the real reason Gumi came to see me. She said she'd drop the custody case if I promised to be with her again and stay with her forever, but I was smug and stupid and didn't think she would win so I said no. It's like with Len. It's my fault her slept with her. It's my fault Yuki got hurt. It's my fault Gumi gets to keep her. Know what's the worst? Maybe if I'd just decided to be brave myself, I wouldn't have gotten drunk this morning and I wouldn't've been brave enough to face Gumi and she wouldn't've done that and then we'd still have a chance of keeping Yuki, but, _nope_, I'm nothing but a screw-up!

"Hey, maybe I was never meant to be a parent? Maybe that's why this is happening. Maybe Len died so that I could fail at parenting Yuki and she'd get to try with someone else. Len'd've been a great dad so it never would have worked if he was alive, so he had to die. And y'know what? Gumi's probably a good mother. Ryuto loves her, and it looked like she loved him, too. Len should've never adopted Yuki, 'cause then he had to die. It's like a price he paid for trying to make me parent a child or something."

Iroha couldn't handle listening to Rin anymore as anger lit her soul. She was starting to hate Rin, no matter how precious Rin was to her, so she snapped, "Don't you dare speak about Len like that, Rin! He shouldn't have died, no matter what! I loved him, and he was my best friend, so no way in hell am I going to let you disrespect him this way! If you really think Len would've been a great parent and that you're a terrible parent, maybe you should have been the one to die that day!"

Iroha froze, alarmed by the words that had just come out of her, but it was difficult to feel too remorseful when Rin was still just sitting there with a grin. The blonde responded, "You know what? I really should have. I wish I was dead right now. There's nothing worthwhile in my life anymore anyway."

Those words stung Iroha more than anything else, and she couldn't stop the hot tears from escaping as she shouted, "Screw you, Rin! I really wish you had died that day! In fact, I wish Len, Aria, Yuki, and I had never met you! You and Gumi really do deserve each other!"

Rin just stared back at Iroha, her expression failing to change, and wondered, "Do you hate me now, Iroha?"

She didn't really, but in her rage Iroha murmured, "Yes."

Rin kept smiling that smile, but now her eyes were welling up. She replied quietly, "Good. That means there's no one left, so can I please just die now? Can I go find her and let her finish the job she started?"

Iroha stared at her, unable to believe anything that had happened in those few short minutes. She stared at her roommate on the couch as Rin, too, started to cry, her smile beginning to fail. As she could do now was whisper, "Rin."

"Gumi's taken everything I ever thought was important," Rin told Iroha. "Yuki, the first time I thought Len and I had shared, your promise to always love me, so it's only reasonable that I let her take my life, too, right? If I don't even have you anymore, then I have no reason to bother anymore, and if you hate me, then I don't need to worry about you being sad once I'm gone."

"Rin, I—" Iroha started, but Rin was shaking her head.

"I know I made you say it, but just remember that feeling, okay? Remember that you hate me, and then things won't be so bad once she kills me."

"Rin, I love you!" Iroha shouted, unable to control herself anymore. She'd held it back for so long, but she had to say it. "I love you more than anyone! You and Len and Yuki are the only ones I've ever truly loved, but I'd give up both Len and Yuki for you! If you ever died, I don't know what I'd do! When Len died, it hurt so much that I almost felt like I'd died too! If you died, Rin, I'd be dead, no doubt about it, so please, please don't leave me!"

"Iroha, it's hopeless!" Rin shouted back, standing up to gaze at her friend in equal standing. "Gumi is never going to leave me alone! Either she's gonna go crazy again like she did on that night and will try to finish the job, or she'll do something to hurt you! The only thing I can do to protect you and Yuki is to just let her have me, and I know it's selfish, but I'd rather have her kill me than pretend that I don't hate her! I know I'm always being selfish, so I have no right to ask this of you, but please, please let me be selfish this one last time." She'd gone quieter by the end and was gazing at Iroha so desperately, but Iroha's gaze only hardened.

"No way in hell, Rin," Iroha snapped. "I've let you be selfish up until now, but no way am I putting up with that. We're going to get Yuki back. You're not the one who hurt her, and I'm sure Aria will prove it. Then they'll have to give her back to us. Gumi can't just suddenly decide she wants her daughter back after putting her up for adoption when Yuki already has a new home, so as long as we can prove that this is a safe home, they have no right to take her from us, okay?"

They stared at each other for a while until, slowly, Rin smiled once more and nodded. Iroha nodded in return with a confident smile. They'd get Yuki back for sure. There was no way Iroha would give her daughter away to that vile woman.

**Author's Note: Sorry this update is late. I've been working six-hour shifts daily this entire week and going to university and doing homework and ugh university is harder than I expected. Then I broke up with my boyfriend of almost a year a week ago so I kind of have just been moping around lately. Anyway, here's the latest chapter, thanks again to Nekofan123 for reminding me of my writing responsibility :P **


	36. Was I So Ignorant That I Never

Chapter Thirty-Six

Was I So Ignorant That I Never . . .

"_You take care of my girl, okay, Iroha?" Len made Iroha promise with his arm slung around Rin's shoulders as they, Aria, and Gumi made their way down the hallway afterschool. The girls had made plans to sleep over at Iroha's that night, though Aria had been forced to cancel due to her mother being overprotective, as always. "And if you guys try anything weird, remember that I'm right next door. However, naked pillow fights are encouraged so long as you leave the curtains open."_

"_You're such a creep!" Rin exclaimed, amused despite her attempt not to be. "Get your hands off me, you weirdo!"_

"_And yet she makes no attempt to move me," Len said with a smirk to Iroha, who rolled eyes in return. Rin scowled at her boyfriend and shrugged out of his grasp, choosing instead to hold on to Gumi's hand._

"_I'm gonna become a lesbian if you keep promoting things like that, you know," Rin responded, narrowing her eyes at him._

"_Apparently for Gumi," Aria joked at their linked hands._

"_I wouldn't mind," Gumi responded with a joking smile._

Rin closed her eyes and leaned her head against the headboard in Yuki's room. She couldn't sleep. She was too anxious with Yuki out of the house. Lily had promised that Gumi was nowhere nearby when asked, but Rin wasn't sure if she could trust someone who thought she'd beaten her own child.

Would she really be able to convince anyone of her innocence? She'd flung a plate at Yuki once, after all. Perhaps it was better that the girl be parented by someone else.

Rin shook her head though. No. Yuki was her daughter, not Gumi's. She'd get her back, no matter what.

_Iroha glanced down at her phone as it began vibrating while the girls were preparing to finally go to sleep. She frowned and wondered, "Hey, would you guys be alright if I went out for a bit?"_

"_The boyfriend?" Rin wondered as she ran a brush through her short hair. Gumi peered over curiously from the bathroom, foaming from the mouth with toothpaste._

_Iroha sighed and nodded, declining the call for the moment. "He's so needy."_

"_At least you have someone," Gumi responded after spitting into the sink. "All I have is my beloved Rin, and she's making me share her."_

_Gumi and Rin had had a long-ongoing joke that they were a lesbian couple, as per Len once seeing Rin tackling Gumi onto the ground and him complaining that Gumi had gotten farther with Rin than he had. He'd gotten punched afterward, of course. Because of this situation, Gumi saying things like this wasn't uncommon, and Rin and the others would chime in with it once in a while._

"_I'm all you have?" Rin wondered in feigned hurt. "I'm not enough?"_

_Gumi smiled and said, "Can I have all of you instead of just a part?"_

"_Nope, 'cause I love Len, too."_

_Gumi pouted and said, "Then nope, not enough."_

_Rin sighed and said, "Aw, too bad. Should we break up, then?"_

_Gumi had returned to brushing her teeth, but through the foam she managed to make out the words, "Nope, never."_

_Rin laughed and said, "Alright, whatever you say."_

Rin had crept out of hers and Iroha's room, being sure not to awaken the sleeping Aria on the couch, in order to rest in Yuki's room. The scent of apples calmed her a bit and made her feel as though Yuki was still here. Aria's words had meant nothing to Miku, the woman had reported. It seemed hopeless. Rin hadn't felt this hopeless since that day so many years ago.

She moved her hand to her chest, feeling at the scar on her chest. There was another scar beside it now, too, from when Rin and Len had broken up after that Christmas party. Angry at herself for screwing things up because of some stupid scar, Rin had tried to replace the old scar with a new one she herself would make, but Iroha had walked in and stopped her before she could get far enough for that.

"_Good night, Gumi," Rin said as she curled up beside Gumi on the mattress. Iroha had gone to meet her boyfriend at the park – he'd had a fight with his parents, apparently – so they'd left the right third of the mattress vacant for her._

"_Good night, Rin," Gumi reciprocated, turning her back to Rin's after reaching to turn off the light. "I love you."_

"_Love you too."_

"_More than you love Len?"_

"_I don't know. I'm pretty deeply in love with him after being together for almost two years, you know?"_

"_I see."_

_Then, they fell into silence, and Rin swiftly drifted to sleep._

She squeezed her eyes so tightly shut that sparks of light showed on her eyelids. Why couldn't she stop thinking about it? Every time she thought about it, she wound up losing control of herself. She didn't want that to happen, not again, not now. This was when she most needed to be in control of herself.

_At first she thought it was a nightmare, so, when she woke up screaming, she relished in the thought of the pain being gone in a few moments. But it wasn't. Rather, it was much, much worse._

She wanted Yuki back here. She'd feel so much more at ease if she knew Yuki was here, safe from Gumi's clutches. Why hadn't Rin realized it sooner? She should have known that Gumi would get what she wanted. She should have just given in. What it Gumi did something like that to Yuki?

_Moonlight glittered on that blade, a sharp knife surely taken from the kitchen, as delicate red painted its silver. It didn't take long for Rin to see that the red was coming from her chest as it broke open the skin. Her eyes flashed up to meet Gumi's smiling face. She continued her screams, forcing out partially-intelligible cries of, "What the hell are you doing, Gumi? Stop that, stop, it hurts! You're scaring me, what's wrong with you?" She tried to knock the blade away, but Gumi snatched both her hands by the wrist in one hand of her own and pinned them back against the wall. Gumi grinned, compassion in her eyes._

"_Shh, Rin, it's okay," she cooed. "It'll be over in a second, okay?"_

"_What are you doing?" Rin screeched, desperately trying to pull away as that cold blade stayed pressed between her breasts._

"_I'm protecting you," the greenette said calmly as the blade dipped into Rin once more. A painful caterwaul ripped from Rin's throat. "He's trying to take your heart from you, Rin. Your heart is mine. I'm trying to guard it from him."_

"_Are you insane?" Rin exclaimed. She threw her head back and screeched, "Someone, help me! Please!"_

"_Rin, calm down," Gumi requested, scowling._

"_You're trying to kill me!" Rin exclaimed, her eyes flashing in disbelief. "How they hell am I supposed to calm down?"_

_Gumi's eyes flashed with anger, and the blade dug itself deeper, drawing out another scream from Rin as the captured girl squeezed her eyes tightly shut. "I'm trying to save you, Rin."_

Rin remembered that so clearly. She'd lost all hope immediately. Len was someone who slept like a log, so he wouldn't hear her next door. Iroha still hadn't returned, and her parents were out for the night. It was only Rin and Gumi. That was the first moment Rin accepted death as an unavoidable outcome. That is, until her saviour had arrived.

"_Gumi, what the hell are you doing?" rang through the air as Gumi was pulled harshly backward. And then, Gumi's cool demeanour snapped._

"_He's trying to take her from me!" Gumi shrieked, trying to claw her way toward Rin as Rin drew her back against the wall and held the sheet to her bleeding chest. "She's _mine_! She loves _me_! She likes _me_ best! No one can have her, no one! Rin is mine, mine, _mine_! Her heart is _mine_!"_

"_Even if it was, that's metaphoric, you psychopath!" Iroha screeched, struggling to pull Gumi away as the greenette managed to get her grip on Rin once more, piercing through the sheet. Rin screamed even louder. The struggle was causing the blade to twist against her and inside her. She was going to die. She had no doubt about it. She hadn't even gotten to graduate or anything. There was so much she still wanted to do._

"_Stay away from me, Iroha!" screamed Gumi, lashing at the coral-haired girl with her free arm. "Stay out of this! This has nothing to do with you! Rin loves me, so I'm going to keep her heart from people like you!"_

"_Stay away from me!" Rin sobbed, breaking into another scream as the blade shifted positions once more. "Get off me, you freak! Leave me alone! Go away! Never come near me again!"_

"_Shut up, Rin!" Gumi growled at Rin, and that momentary loss of focus was what gave Iroha an opportunity to pull Gumi off of the mattress and onto the floor, where the two girls continue to struggle as Rin's shaking hand touched her fingers to her chest and lifted them up simply to see that there really was blood there._

"Mom."

Rin was so caught up in her memories that she wound up letting out a screech and throwing the first thing she could find, Yuki's alarm clock, in the direction of the voice. She flinched at the sound of impact, suddenly recognizing the voice as Yuki's rather than Gumi's.

_Iroha screamed to Rin as she fought to keep Gumi away from her friend, "Lock yourself in the bathroom, Rin, and don't come out until Len or I come to get you!"_

_It took a moment for Rin to make sense of the words. There was so much blood. It was making her feel so dizzy. Only when Gumi shouted for her not to move and Iroha screamed Rin's name once more was the blonde was able to at least make enough sense of everything to dart to the bathroom and do as Iroha commanded. The lock was only internal, but Rin was terrified that the door wouldn't hold up under pressure._

_She heard more sounds of struggle and more screaming until it suddenly went quiet. Then came slow footsteps. Rin was sitting on the bathroom floor, unable to find the energy to move any further away from the door, and gazed at it worriedly. The footsteps stopped in front of the bathroom door. Quietly, Rin murmured, "Iroha?"_

"_She's gone."_

_Gumi's icy voice sent a chill down Rin's spine. Gone? What did she mean?_

"Oh my god, Yuki!" Rin exclaimed, jumping down from the bed to Yuki's side, her eyes widening in horror. "What are you doing here?"

"I snuck out," Yuki murmured, holding a hand to her eye. Rin flinched. That must have been where the alarm clock hit. She'd done it again. She'd hurt Yuki again.

"Yuki," she murmured quietly, gently touching her daughter's shoulder.

_Gumi tried to coax Rin out of the bathroom for three minutes before becoming more aggressive and slamming both herself and the knife against the door. Rin had no idea what to do. There was nothing she could do, was there?_

"I failed again," Rin murmured. "I'm sorry, Yuki. I'm terrible."

Yuki didn't respond.

_In another four minutes, Gumi had made a big enough hole through the door with her knife that she could peak in at Rin._

"I'm so sorry," Rin said weakly, beginning to cry.

Yuki still said nothing.

_Two minutes afterward, right as Gumi reached through the hole she'd made to unlock the door, sirens went off outside the apartment. Gumi's smile faded. She froze, contemplating, and then scowled. Promising to return later, she fled. Iroha entered, holding her cellphone in the air as the siren noises continued sounding from it. With a quick complaint about police taking too long, she ran over to the bathroom, reaching in and unlocking the door in order to come to Rin's side. She said calm words to Rin, but Rin could hear none of them. She'd gone numb, and, finally, fainted._

Rin told her daughter, "You're better off without me."

Finally, Yuki spoke, but it wasn't what Rin had expected. With a harshness she'd never shown before, the girl glared at Rin and snapped, "I'm sick and tired of listening to you talk like that, Mom!"


	37. If I Confess My Sins, Will You Please

Chapter Thirty-Seven

If I Confess My Sins, Will You Please . . .

Yuki felt bad for yelling at Rin, but she couldn't take it anymore. She'd be better off without Rin? Rin was a terrible mother? Everything Yuki believed was great about her mother, everything Len had told her about Rin, was all a lie? That wasn't true. None of it was true. Rin was her mother, the person she cherished above all else, and she couldn't stand to listen to her mother trying to convince her otherwise anymore. It was so frustrating, but this seemed to be the only way to make Rin understand.

"Do you know how hard this has been for Mama and I?" Yuki questioned, holding her hand against the newly formed bump on her forehead where the alarm clock had hit. That part of her head was burning, so she winced a bit as her hands, frozen from being outside without gloves, made contact, but she did her best not to show how painful it was. Instead, she stared firmly at Rin, who was staring at her with a tad bit of fright on the bed. It hurt Yuki to be looked at like that, but there was no backing out now. "It sucks to see you so upset, Mom, and we're always trying to cheer you up, but it's never enough. I'm getting really tired, Mom, because I don't know what I can do anymore. I don't know how to make you feel better. I don't know how to be a good daughter."

Rin opened her mouth, hinting that she was about to speak, but Yuki was afraid to hear what Rin was going to say. The young girl picked up the pace in her speaking, refusing to leave Rin any room to fit in a single word. "You're my mother, Rin, so if you say you're a terrible mother, it must be my fault for being a terrible daughter. I'm sorry for being such an awful daughter, but I'll be better if you agree to be a better mother, too." Yuki couldn't meet Rin's eyes anymore. It hurt too much to see Rin flinching, stung by each and every one of Yuki's words. "We depend on each other, right, Mom? So we can be better together. I'm sure we can do it if we try." She tried her best to smile at Rin and requested, "So please don't cry anymore, Mom, because it makes me want to cry to, but I can't cry if you're crying because then who will comfort you?"

"It's not your job to comfort me, Yuki," Rin murmured, a slight hint of hesitation in her voice. She expected Yuki to interrupt her again, the younger girl guessed. "It's my job to comfort you. You're the kid. You're my daughter."

Yuki had to shake her head at that, guilt biting into her as memories surfaced. It was her fault, after all. So she told Rin, "It's my job because Len's not here to take care of you anymore."

Rin argued, "That's not your fault, Yuki. Len being gone has nothing to do with this. You don't need to feel responsible for me just because Len's gone. That's not your job. You're only a child."

"But it's my fault," Yuki insisted stubbornly, because she knew it was true. No matter what anyone told her, no matter how many times Miku had tried convincing her otherwise, she knew it was true. It was her fault, all her fault.

_Yuki swung by herself on the swing set. She used to swing with her friends, but, before she knew it, they'd all disappeared from her sight. It was only here left now; they'd all gotten new families. She shouldn't have been jealous of them; after all, she'd been their object of envy for so long seeing as her auntie and Len visited often. She'd been the closest one to having a family, it had appeared; now, however, she seemed to be the furthest from achieving that dream._

_Yuki hated being alone. She hated not having her friends here. She liked it better when they came crying to her, when she could help them feel better. She felt so useless being like this, so helpless and hopeless. What was there to hope for anymore? For Len and auntie to visit her? Even that didn't make her happy. After all, they were adults. They didn't have problems. There was no way she could be of any help to them._

_If this swing set broke, she could try to fix it, but even if she could manage to, it wouldn't make her feel any better. It wasn't as meaningful as when her crying friends would suddenly smile at her after she'd said or promised one thing or other. Yuki let out a sigh. What was the point of something as empty as this? No friends, no family, no one to depend on her. It was so lonely._

"It isn't your fault," Rin argued, and Yuki's heart ached with such agony. Why hadn't she told Rin earlier? She almost had before, but she'd stopped herself. Would telling Rin now ruin the fragile relationship the two had created? Still, she knew she couldn't handle this guilt anymore. She had to say it.

Yuki forced her gaze upward to meet Rin's, stared her mother in the eyes, and tried to steady herself. The first time she spoke, no sound came out, so she swallowed and tried once more. The words came out this time, so harsh in the quiet of night against Yuki's ears. "It's my fault Len died."

_When her auntie took a seat on the swing next to Yuki, Yuki wanted nothing to do with her. Maybe if she'd been as alone as her friends, she'd have gotten adopted, too. Len and her auntie had ruined her chances, but neither one of them was adopting her. They'd both made passing mentions of it in the past, but neither had ever acted on it. In that moment, that moment when she felt so completely alone, she felt nothing but resentment toward the two who'd visited her so many times and made her feel so much less alone in the past._

_Her auntie didn't usually say much, so Yuki wasn't sure why she'd expected her to say something now, but it still stung that she didn't. Yuki frowned at the ground. It wasn't like she needed someone to comfort her; she was meant to comfort others, after all. Still, it would be nice for her auntie to act like she cared, to show some affection. However, seeing as the woman seemed to have no plans of doing so, Yuki asked to the air, "Hey, auntie?"_

_Even though they weren't facing each other, the woman didn't argue against continuing the conversation the child had started. "Yes, Yuki?"_

_Yuki fell silent for a while and then requested, "Will you adopt me?"_

_There was another silence that followed, and then a response. "If you decide that you like me better, I will."_

_Yuki wasn't sure, so she wondered, "Do you mean more than Len?"_

_The woman laughed. "I could never expect you to like me more than the man who visits you so often. The way you speak of him is the same as how she spoke of him. It makes me sick, really." Yuki wasn't sure what had brought on this response, but her auntie was still speaking, so there was no time to wonder. "If you like me better than _her_, I mean. If you like me better than you like her, then you in no way deserve to be her daughter."_

_That coldness was back. Yuki knew it well from her auntie. Yuki looked to her curiously now, though, and wanted to know, "You know Rin? What's she like?"_

_The coldness vanished in an instant, replaced with a warmth Yuki could only dream of having directed toward her. "She's the purest, most beautiful girl I could ever imagine. She's the most precious treasure this world has to offer."_

_Yuki went quiet for a moment longer. Her auntie had always spoken of Len as though she didn't know him personally, but how could she knew Rin if she didn't know Len? Before she could ask this, though, Yuki's other visitor arrived._

"_Yuki, you'll never guess what happened today!" Len exclaimed, failing to notice the other woman on the swing and he ran to the young girl and lifted her into his arms. His grin was so huge that Yuki thought it might swallow his entire face if it grew any larger. "Rin and I are going to get married, and then we're going to be a family together: me, you, and Rin! Miku told me today that we'd finally gotten approval, so I asked Rin to marry me, and she said yes! She said yes!"_

_Yuki couldn't believe what she was hearing. Suddenly, her loneliness was far away, and she couldn't stop smiling. Her heart felt like it would fly from her chest, and she couldn't find a single word to express her joy. Then, slowly, that happiness faded, because Len's smile was falling, causing Yuki's to fall, too, as concern coloured her gaze. He'd noticed Gumi as the woman had stood up from the swings._

"_What are you doing here?" he growled, his grip on Yuki tightening. He turned his body as though to shield her from his auntie. Yuki flinched, not understanding his hostility. Sure, her auntie was a little rough around the edges, but she was a valued person to Yuki. She visited Yuki at least once a week, without fail._

"_Congratulations on your engagement," Gumi said with an icy smile that admittedly frightened Yuki. She wished her auntie would be nicer to Len. She still wanted to be able to see her auntie, even after she was adopted. "I'm sure you've gotten Iroha's approval, as well, or are you still acting as though you don't realize how she feels about this entire thing?"_

_Iroha? That was Len's childhood friend, right? What did she have to do with this?_

"_I'll call the police," Len warned. "Come near any of my family again, and I'll call the police. I'll tell them everything."_

_The greenette's lips curled into a smirk as she purred, "But if you told them _everything_, wouldn't that mean that you'd have to tell Rin, too? I'm not sure how much she'd be able to love Yuki after that."_

_Yuki didn't understand. Rin wouldn't love her? The child was suddenly afraid. What did her auntie mean Rin wouldn't love her? Why not? After everything she'd heard from Len, Yuki had already begun loving Rin, but if Rin wasn't able to love her, for whatever reason, how could Rin ever be her mother, like Len had promised?_

"_Get out of my sight and stay away," Len ordered._

_Yuki's auntie lifted her hands in surrender and simply said, "Farewell for all eternity then, Len. I wish you all the happiness in the world for what's left of your life."_

_After that, the woman had left without complaint. Len and Yuki talked for a long time after that, and he hadn't ended up leaving until Yuki fell asleep. She'd been frightened by her auntie's odd behaviour, so she'd asked him to stay with her until she fell asleep. Not long after he'd left, Yuki had been woken up by the sound of a gunshot nearby, but she'd been swiftly cooed back to sleep by a nurse saying it was a television program playing downstairs. She insisted that that was the source of the sirens, too. Yuki didn't discover until later that it had been a lie, that there had been a shooting outside, that it had been Len, that it could have been avoided had he simply left earlier. It had been a drug scam, and he'd been at the wrong place at the wrong time._

"If I hadn't asked him to stay that night, he never would have been shot," Yuki told her mother. "He'd wanted to spend the night with you, but I'd begged him to stay, and then, when he left, he got killed. It's all my fault Len died. I'm so sorry, Mom. It's all my fault."

She was dissolving into tears. Rin would never love her again, would she? Everything they'd worked toward would be ruined. This was her fault, too. Yuki had ruined everything. Everything she came in contact with, she ruined. It was all her fault, and now Rin hated her, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Suddenly, there was warmth about her. She recognized the feel of her comforter, and, holding it around her, was Rin's arms. Rin held the young girl tightly as Yuki sobbed, and Yuki's mother murmured, "I'm sorry, Yuki. I've been so selfish. I didn't realize you were going through all this. You have to know, though, Yuki, that it's not your fault. It's no one's fault but the man who killed him. That man is in prison now, Yuki, so please don't worry. It's all alright. You don't need to worry anymore. It's not your fault, and not even Len thinks so. I love you, Yuki, so please don't worry about it anymore."

Yuki's crying grew more frantic and desperate at that. She finally let herself cry like she never had before. She cried like the child she'd never let herself be, wrapped up tightly in her mother's arms. There was nothing to be afraid of anymore. She was loved, and nobody could take that away from her.


End file.
